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July 2003

July 31, 2003

Curses!

It seems that I cursed myself last night when I wrote my Journal entry. I had the nerve to claim that the shelves were all done, but fate had other plans and one of the shelves collapsed. So part of my day was spent rectifying that situation and coming up with stronger supports, something that I had tried to find for a while as I was constructing things, but I had given up because I couldn't find the right size pin. Strangely enough, I found a few (not enough to change all of the shelf supports but at least enough to switch out for the heaviest shelves) - they were actually part of another piece of my furniture and I had completely forgotten about them. So that's fixed at least.

I also spent many hours in the basement today, sweeping, scrubbing, bleaching, and organizing things, partly to get things less cluttered and more accessible but also to prep things to paint the walls tomorrow. Do I know how to have fun or what?

And I actually did a few other organizational things on my level of the house, but it was all even less exciting than fixing the shelf or working on the basement (if it's actually possible to be less exciting than that).

On the plus side, the blister in the center of my right palm didn't burst today (a definite good thing when working with bleach). With luck I'll make it past tomorrow as well - paint isn't much better in an open wound than bleach, so another day without the blister breaking would be great.

Posted at 12:53 AM

July 30, 2003

Yes! The shelves are done! All properly together, all filled, all organized - done! And I sealed the driveway today as well (with a concrete sealant that protects the concrete from nasty concrete viruses and stuff). And I cleaned every window in the house as well as a whole bunch of other shit. Aren't I productive? Isn't it pathetic that this is all that I have to write about? Yes; yes it is.

The big downside of the day is the nasty blister I have on the center of my right palm. Pushing the roller extension as I rolled on the concrete sealant developed this wicked blister. It hasn't popped yet, and I'm hoping that it will go down overnight, but I expect that it may burst tomorrow and be about as painful as can be. Joy.

A blister on your right palm really puts a damper on your masturbation, too. Like I said - joy.

Posted at 12:29 AM

July 29, 2003

Ugh! I ache in places that I shouldn't ever think about! And I only really did two things today (essentially).

I started by hand-scrubbing spots in my grandmother's carpeting and then using a rented carpet cleaner on all of her carpeting (and the results are quite satisfying, getting rid of all noticeable spots and dirtiness, much of which had been here long before I moved in, some of which were the result of all of the moving, largely from my parents moving but also from my own moving in process).

With the carpet clean, I rented a power washer and went crazy with 3000 psi of water pressure, aimed at the garage, the house, and finally the driveway, spraying away grime, bugs, bird doo, spider webs, and whatever other detritus has accumulated. The power washing took about forever, and I was drenched, tired, and not entirely satisfied with the job that was done (because there are still some spots that won't go away, but they wouldn't disappear even when I scrubbed them, so they simply aren't coming off). All-in-all things look noticeably better, but the fact that I only finished putting things away at 9:45 PM was not really much of a bonus. And then the garage door went crazy for a while, opening and closing on its own randomly while I was trying to finish up. I think some water from the power washing seeped into the outside door opener and it flaked out when I pressed it to open the garage and put things away. It probably took me about 15 minutes to get the darn thing to stop, and I thought I'd have to disconnect it, but it did stop after a while. Then I used the remote to open and close it and that worked fine since it didn't involve the wet circuitry in the outside button. Playing with the garage door was just an added bonus for me. What luck, huh?

Posted at 12:31 AM

July 28, 2003

By now you must realize that I live a pretty boring life - particularly lately. All I do is talk about redecorating and moving and mowing the lawn. <Yawn.> So, just so that you aren't disappointed, let me assure you that I filled a whole lot of shelves today with boxes and boxes full of books, and I'm well on my way to finally having the shelves all done. Completely. Yea me.

In other boring news, I finally did the set-up for my new printer and am now ready to print calendars for my grandmother so that she knows when she and I have appointments, classes, or whatever. It doesn't sound like much, but this should help us out, making things easier to plan and know what each other is doing. And that will help.

The highlight of the day is that a gentleman from the home offices of Jennifer Convertibles left a message for me today in response to my disgruntled e.mail about my bad experience at their store (see the Journal entry for the 26th). He is working with the manufacturer to rush my order and will get back to me regarding the expected shipment date. It doesn't mean a whole lot until the new seat cushions are here, properly made, and received in less than three more weeks, but at least they'r e making the effort, and that makes me feel a hell of a lot better about the whole situation. Now was that so hard?

Posted at 12:40 AM

July 27, 2003

It took me a good chunk of the day, but I finally got the shelves on one wall finished. One down, two to go.

I wasn't fully pleased with how these shelves were working since I hadn't put on backing boards. I still wanted the backs open so that the wall would show through and make them seem more airy and open, and the lack of backing boards really didn't take anything away from the stability of the units, but the shelves and whatever was on them would slide back the inch of space to the wall, and that annoyed me. This set of shelves is specifically going to be holding my CD's (around 1000) and my tapes (around 300), and I wanted to be able to slide a CD in or out and still have things look neat. SO I pulled all of the shelves out and re-engineered them, cutting the backing board into small strips that I nailed on in positions that would stop the shelves and CDs from sliding but leave the bulk of the space open, exposing the wall behind. It took a while, particularly cutting the backing board, but the end result is fantastic - just perfect.

Unfortunately, that took longer than I'd expected, and that was all I got done with the shelves (well, I also added some of the CDs to my catalogue that are new since the last update, and I made spacers for behind the tapes so that they don't slide all the way to the back of the shelves and disappear, but that was it). I still want to do the same thing with strips of the backing board for the shelves on the opposite wall where I'll be racking my CD-ROMs and software library. They won't consume as much shelf space as the music, but they need to be done. It would have been great to have done that, too, because then the shelves would all be re-engineered to my satisfaction and be done, but it'll just have to wait 'til I work on the shelves next. I'm sure they'll still be waiting for me.

Posted at 1:22 AM

July 26, 2003

I swear that I am a victim of every customer service nightmare possible. A week ago this past Friday, UPS delivered new seat cushions that I had ordered for my couch and love seat. We won't even get into the fact that UPS left the large package unsigned for and sitting on the front porch, where anyone could see and steal them. The cushions themselves are the issue. You see, I had ordered them two months earlier from a Jennifer Convertibles location in Ann Arbor having made a special drive there just to place the order. About a month later I got a phone call from a clerk at the store where I had placed the order, asking me if I had set up a lay-away or a partial payment or something. Once I cleared up what I had ordered and made sure there was no mistake, I was informed that my order had never been placed. I would have to wait another month or more because there was no way to speed up the process. No offer of consolance or a discount was made, but I was told that I could "come in for a refund if I wanted to cancel the order."

Well wasn't that helpful. Well, the cushions finally arrived a week ago last Friday, perfect size shape and fabric - but the wrong color entirely. Sage (a pale green) is not really close to saddle (a warm tan). I called the store immediately and explained my situation. I was told, with little interest from the clerk, that he would have to tell the manager and they would call me. I was not pleased, but I didn't see that the clerk was going to be any help. This was late morning, and when early evening arrived with no call, I called back, only to find that the manager hadn't been in all day but would be in ob Saturday from 10-6, maybe earlier. I called the following day at 10:15 to learn that the manager still wasn't in, and I left a message to call me. At 1:30, I was frustrated to still not have heard anything, and I called back. The manager answered the call, and after I explained my situation, he said he knew about my problem. Even so, he never made any attempt to call me, and his attitude was worse than his clerks'. I was told that I could wait while the order was placed again, meaning another 4-6 weeks, or I could drive to the store to get a refund and cancel the order. Great. Thanks a lot. I asked the manager to contact the manufacturer and rush the order, something that I would have done (and had, on certain occasions) when I was a manager for Kinko's and working with an outside vendor. He said that he couldn't rush things and eventually said he'd "try", but he said it in such a tone that it was clear he was simply trying to placate me and get me off of the phone. Now I'm just stuck waiting for the third month for a product that was overpriced in the first place. I'll wait to see how this turns out, but I have already contacted the home offices for Jennifer Convertibles, and I plan to contact the Better Business Bureau. I'm usually very accepting and accommodating with mistakes or problems in customer service because I've been in their shoes and know that mistakes happen and they can be rectified. What I can't accept is being treated like shit. For these people to basically know that they have me by the balls because they already have my money and that they don't give a fuck about my satisfaction ... it just pisses me off. They should be able to rush the order, even if it costs them more to rectify their mistake. Or they should give me a discount. Or something. To tell me, after wasting two months of my time, that all they can offer is to refund my order and let me go somewhere else is insulting. The whole thing just has me pissed off.

Then there's OfficeMax. I usually like the place, but my whole trial with the shelving has become annoying. I spent hundreds on the shelving, all from their store, and they wouldn't deliver. Plus, they were short one media shelf for the total I needed. This was also on the Friday before last, and they expected to have more of the shelving I needed by Tuesday. They wouldn't check their orders to see if they would have some for sure, and they suggested I not call until Wednesday or Thursday since they wouldn't likely have everything unpacked for a day or two. Could they have checked to see if it would be in? Could they have placed a special order for me? Could they have called me when they came in? You'd think so, but no. So when I went in on Thursday, they didn't have any. Great. So I drove to Toledo today to buy one from the OfficeMax there (and I bought the only one they had). I had other things to do in Toledo, too, so it wasn't just for the shelves, but it still seemed like I had to go out of my way and to basically take care of myself since nobody knows good customer service anymore.

I could tell you the stories about my oil change, my haircut, and my attempts to get parts for my electric razor, all of which are convoluted and far more complicated than they should ever need to be, but I'll spare you the tedium. Let's just say that my trip to Toledo wasn't exactly a bust, but it topped off a long list of problematic customer service incidences. At least they're done. Small consolation.

Posted at 1:03 AM

July 25, 2003

How is it that the veggies in VeggieTales are able to build cities, hold down jobs, and explore, all while they have no hands ... it makes you wonder ...

Anyhow, I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm still tired for some reason, but I cleaned up my level and my grandma's level of the house, washed laundry, mowed the lawn, organized all sorts of files for my grandma, caught up with all of the e.mails I've been behind with, and figured out why my CD burner hasn't been working and ordered what I need to fix it. Plus - I played Dungeon Siege this evening.

I had played Dungeon Siege yesterday evening as a way to relax. I was super tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep, so I figured I'd play a game for a while and then crash at a reasonable hour. Tonight I was tired again, but I'm also sort of determined to play this game to the end now, and I only have a few more major sections to complete and I'll be done (with this first full run-through). I'm still not very thrilled with this game, but the good news is that Neverwinter Nights will finally be released for the Mac at the end of this month, and it should be a kick-ass game (made by Bioware, the people that made the Baldur's Gate series, and based on the AD&D rules, it's sure to be great fun).

Meanwhile, I have all sorts of stuff to do, but I'm pleased that I got such a great start today. Now let's see how the weekend goes.

Posted at 1:02 AM

July 24, 2003

Chris left with the kids and my grandma this morning before 8 AM. We spent a couple of hours packing and loading them up this morning (and we had packed some last night as well), and they plan to drive all the way through today to my sister's home in Maryland. I've been trying to catch up with some things here that I've put aside during their visit, and I'm determined to get this and other, previous Journal entries loaded, since I've still been having problems. I apologize for not taking the time to overcome the uploading problems earlier, but my sister and the kids have been occupying a lot of my time. I have received e.mails of concern from three wonderful readers, and it's nice to know that you folks care. I'm fine, really, and I promise I'll get to the bottom of whatever my problem may be. You will all see these entries today, somehow, and hopefully I won't have this long of a delay ever again.

But thanks form those e.mails of concern; they mean more than you can know.

Posted at 1:34 PM

July 23, 2003

I'm having some problems with uploading - partly due to the fact that my connection fails as I'm trying to upload, and partly because I keep falling asleep in front of my computer as I'm trying to send things (working on this stuff with my laptop in my bed with me isn't probably helping, but I don't want to disturb my sister or the kids, so this is where things get done). I haven't been this far behind in uploading posts since my laptop was stolen, so I'm hoping I can get things to work tonight.

It was a good day. Lunch was at Toft's, a local dairy with an awesome soda shop (a place that my sister, grandma, and I love), and then we spent the later part of the afternoon with the kids at a Goofy Golf course (which was a bitch! The slopes on some of these holes were impossible, and their idea of par was quite questionable). We also rode the Bumper Boats (me and Hunter in one boat and Christa and my sister, Chris, in another). We played some Skee Ball and video games before we left, and then returned to change before dinner (the Bumper Boats soaked us pretty well).

The kids were getting cranky by the time we left Goofy Golf, hunger affecting them that way, and a little candy snack and a little rest time at the house before we left found them much better. When we finally got to Cedar Villa (a local Italian restaurant and my sister's favorite since childhood) around 7:30 and had a wonderful meal. The kids both even finished their meals, a rarity for both of them (they seem to eat like birds, but seeing as they as so young and so little, I guess that's to be expected). We were all quite content when we left, full of good food and having had a great day.

After we got back we had Hunter open my birthday present for him, a little early since his birthday isn't for another two weeks, but my sister thought it would be nice since I won't be there for his party. I had bought him a nice telescope with accessories, and he was pretty excited. I would have liked to get it set up with him and started looking at stars, but my sister wanted to keep it packed up since they're leaving in the morning. At least Pat, Hunter's dad, is somewhat into things like this, so they should have a good time stargazing together. That'll have to be good enough for me.

Posted Written at 3:03 AM

July 22, 2003

Wow! What a busy day!

My sister and I took the kids to Cedar Point, the amusement park here in Sandusky (which is a world-class park, consistently rated the best amusement park in the world). My sister hasn't been to the park in a few years, and I haven't been in a couple more than that. It's weird, really, considering that we both had gone at least once or more for every year of our lives since we became teenagers, up until these recent years, but other obligations have kept us away. And there's more for me, with all of the great looking guys that are always there - it ends up depressing me to see beautiful boys everywhere and none of them within my reach. And as much as that affected me again today, I still found some happiness in seeing my nephew and niece happy playing games and riding rides. Hunter is at an awkward height of just 1/4" less than 48", and of course all of the coolest rides require you to be 48" tall or more. I managed to sneak Hunter in on a few different 48" rides, notably two roller coasters and a few other rides, so it was pretty exciting for him, but he was disappointed that he couldn't ride more. Of course Christa was too small to ride on anything but the rides in Kiddie Land and Camp Snoopy, and my sister won't ride anything that spins, so I rode with Hunter and often rode with both kids on various rides. It was really enjoyable at times to just watch Christa smile or hear Hunter giggle with happiness or scream out "Weeeeeeee!!!" as he spun in circles or raced over a hill. It was a wonderful experience for me, but bittersweet as I thought about the fact that somewhere there's a fourteen year old girl that was my child but who I'll never see. It doesn't hit me so often, b8ut seeing my sister's kids just brought it home for me.

In all, we had a great time, and we had quite a long day considering it was supposed tom start raining by 3 PM and continue all day. We stayed until 7:30, mostly in sunshine, but we did all get caught in one heavy downpour around 6 PM, such a heavy downpour that we had to buy a towel an d dry shirts for the kids to change into just to keep them warm. We all had fun, though, particularly the kids.

Amazingly, the kids both still had tons of energy, even after such a long, exuberant day, and I wrestled with them and watched cartoons until a late hour. They didn't go to bed until Midnight, and I got a phone call just as they were lying down.

Christiana called me from New Zealand, and we spoke for over an hour. She's still having a great time, but she leaves in just a week. I'll see her when she returns briefly to Toledo, and then she's off to graduate school in Washington, D.C. I'll look forward to spending some time with her. In the meantime, I'll have plenty to do here.

Posted Written at 2:35 AM

July 21, 2003

We took the kids (and all of us) to a movie today. After much deliberation, we had decided on Rugrats Go Wild, but we couldn't watch that when we arrived at the theatre; there was something wrong with the film and they couldn't play it. We changed plans and decided to see Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas and spent the our until the movie by shopping for clothes inside the nearby Sandusky Mall. As you amy have read in previous Journal entries, I make quite a bit of fun of the mall in Bowling Green (called the "small" by many people), but the Sandusky Mall is rapidly challenging its status as crappiest mall. Stores are closing, spaces remain empty, and there just aren't that many people there. It's actually busier at Wal-Mart than at the mall, and that's a sad statement indeed. Worst of all was that the J.C. Penny's, where my sister bought socks for Hunter, had only two cashiers for the entire department store, one on each end of the store. It was simply unbelievable how long it took to pay for clothes.

Once we actually got to the movie we were ready to relax. I wasn't really v ery excited to go to this movie. As much respect as I have for Dreamworks Pictures, I didn't think that this Sinbad cartoon looked very good. While it wasn't anything exceptional, it was a decent movie. The artistic aspect was done well, the storyline was okay (if predictable), and it was entertaining. I think the thing that bothered me most was the various deviations from the Sinbad legend and from traditional Greek mythology - the legend and the myth were both fairly faithful, but there were variations that were completely unnecessary; it could have been done better.

After the movie we drove back to the house and settle down for a few hours. Then we drove out to Homestead Inn for dinner. The Homestead is a fine dining establishment that was at one time a notable stop on the Underground Railroad. We had dinner in the Rathskellar, which was a bit dark fro my grandma's vision, but was full of character and quite interesting. We were all stuffed and quite content by the time we left, and I should have fallen asleep long ago, but I've been busy taking care of little things around the house and also fighting to get my files to upload.

Maybe you'll see this and maybe you won't (well, you will eventually, but maybe not tonight).

Posted Written at 2:41 AM

July 20, 2003

I finished assembling and re-working all of the shelves today and got them in place. My sister arrives today with my nephew and niece for a short visit, so I spent a good while cleaning house on my floor and my grandmother's floor as well. I managed to get all of my cassettes and CDs in place just as the kids came upstairs to say, "Hello," and I gave up redecorating work to visit for the rest of the day.

My grandma and I had set up a nice, simple dinner for everyone, and we simply ate and caught up with each other for a while. My nephew, Hunter, will be eight in two weeks, and my niece, Christa, is four. They're both great kids, and I have sorely missed seeing them more often, so this visit is something I have looked forward to immensely. Between eating, talking, and watching cartoons, we spent a long evening sharing our time. It was an interesting evening, and the kids were great fun to wrestle with and joke with. And it was fun to talk to my sister about recent aggravations from our parents (what can I say, I have a strange sense of humor).

Posted Written at 2:32 AM

July 19, 2003

After all of that searching yesterday (including a trip to the Sandusky Public Library which is being expanded and remodeled and is selling all of it's shelving and fixtures (and they have some fantastic shelving, if only I had the room for it)), I finally bought the bookcases and media shelves that will work the best. And I got them at OfficeMax, of all places (go figure!). I needed a total of three full-sized bookcases and seven media cases, but they were short by one media case. Somehow I actually fit everything into my car in one load.

With everything hauled in, I started re-engineering the shelves. I decided that I didn't want to have the backing board on the shelves, preferring them to be open to the wall behind them both for aesthetics and for practicality (the shelves sit in front of a heating panel, so the area needs to be vented freely). I tried a few different variations to maintain stability in the shelves, but eventually came up with a system of reinforcements that worked without any backing boards. I also touched up all of the shelves, staining nicks and imperfections to cover them up, particularly on the corners and edges and in the peg holes that are used for the adjustable shelving.

Between the re-engineering and mowing the lawn, I didn't get much further than putting up the main shelves before I gave up. I did put together one media shelf, and it goes together much easier than the main shelves, but it's just too late to keep going, and I am tired.

Posted Written at 4:19 AM

July 18, 2003

Yesterday was largely spent debating about what to do for shelving. I designed these great shelving units for the space I have, allowing for three walls to have selves on one end of the living room, sort of creating a little study area with my desk and such while leaving the rest of the living room as, well, a living room, with the couch and love seat and stuff. The problem is that when I went to Lowe's, yesterday morning, I started tallying up the costs of all of the materials and was surprised and disappointed to see that I would have to spend a lot more than I had guessed. Most of the costs would have gone to lumber (in fact the vast majority of the costs), but I was still surprised. So I just left. I needed time to think about that and decide if it was worth that high cost. There wasn't much choice, to some extent, because I simply have to have shelves for my books, CDs, videos, CD-ROMs, software manuals, folders, binders, and stuff, but what to do?

I finally decided that I might as well look at pre-built shelves. I had resisted this idea earlier because I: 1) thought that pre-made shelves would cost more than building them myself, 2) pre-made shelves wouldn't be as sturdy or as attractive as what I could make with real wood, and 3) pre-made shelves would be too large for what I wanted, taking up too much space. These all still remain concerns, but after looking around for hours and hours yesterday on the internet and looking for hours and hours today at simply every store that could possibly sell any type of shelving units, I have narrowed down the possibilities and found some options that aren't too bad - not perfect, but not too bad.

Ironically, the combined costs of all of the shelving I would need to buy will be just about the same as if I were to build the shelves myself. Of course, I'd save myself the time and effort of building them, but I'd also lose the little details of size and materials that I would have preferred. In my final analysis, I'll go ahead with the pre-built shelves just so that I can get them together faster. It's not really very satisfying to spend this much and not have exactly what I want, but it's just going to be this way so that I can move on with other things.

Posted Written at 3:32 AM

July 17, 2003

I've been working non-stop at trying to get things together in this place. Who'd have thought that it could take this long? I mean, seriously, I was able to finish similar projects at the Arts Center much more quickly. But then again, I was only redecorating and moving into one room while I had a different room completely set up so that I could relax and live with everything accessible. And of course I didn't have to run errands for my grandma, take her to appointments, or fix elaborate meals. Don't get me wrong on this - I love being here for my grandma, and I want her to be able to do a lot of things and to have nice meals and everything, but it's still frustrating for me to have all of this set-up type stuff take so long; I just want it done and over with.

Meanwhile, the depression thing is making everything proceed much more slowly. I suppose that working at stuff hour after hour is a plus in that I haven't allowed myself any time to relax and think about anything. There's a lot to think about, and a lot of sadness, loneliness, regrets, and mixed memories all churning around in me, and I touch the edges of all of that now and again, but once I finally let go and allow myself to think about all of it, I'll be lying in bed crying and thinking about all of it for a few days. It's happened before, it'll happen again, and I know that this is the only way to deal with all of it - just give in and suffer through it, maybe gleaning some sense out of things in the process and resolving something in my mind. But I also know that I'll sacrifice a number of days while I wallow in that, and right now I want/need to have things stable and comfortable around me, both for the coming time when I deal with all of this stuff in me as well as when I soon return to classes and need a peaceful environment around me. It's coming, but just slowly.

Posted Written at 4:24 AM

July 16, 2003

Kick-ass news! The best comic ever created may be finally adapted into a big budget movie (and might not even suck! (we can only hope)). The Watchmen is an incredible story with incredible artwork. If you haven't read it, I command you to buy a copy immediately. One way or another, be on the lookout for this movie in the future.

Watchmen Faithfully Adapted

Lloyd Levin, one of the producers of the upcoming sequel film Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, told SCI FI Wire that he is also producing a faithful film version of Alan Moore/Dave Gibbon's seminal superhero graphic novel Watchmen, adapted by X-Men screenwriter David Hayter, who may also direct. "If you're familiar with the graphic novel, it's a great and challenging piece of work," Levin said in an interview. "I think we have a screenplay now that is a faithful adaptation of the graphic novel and does it justice, written by David Hayter, who wrote the X-Men movies."

Past efforts to adapt Watchmen for the movies—including one by producer Joel Silver, with Terry Gilliam directing—have stalled.

Levin—who is also producing Hellboy, based on Mike Mignola's comic series—added, "I really love comics, but I also really love movies about interesting characters. So sometimes they come from comics, sometimes they come from books. I place no restrictions." As for the current glut of comics-to-film, he said, "I think perhaps we're in a time when there are a lot of filmmakers who were big, big fans of comic books [and who] are coming of age, and they're more impassioned about telling those stories." Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life, based on the Eidos video game series, opens July 25.

Posted at 12:32 AM

July 15, 2003

So, yes, the world sucks (or at least the part of it that surrounds me), and yet I go on. Why? Well, who the fuck knows the answer to that one ...

My depression is at full fucking tilt and making life quite miserable. As if to go along with all of that, I finally was able to catch my mother making lies and manipulations to deceive both my sister and I simply so that she could have her own way, regardless of the fact that it would clearly make a number of problems for both my sister and I. While I have suspected that my mother is this sort of lying, manipulative bitch for quite a while, it is another thing entirely to have positive proof. My sister is quite aggravated by the whole situation, as is quite understandable, and I am disgusted and depressed - now I have to wonder how much of my mother's actions over the years have been knowing and calculated, and that leaves her a far more culpable figure in the problems I faced as a child and in my early adulthood. Sure, I could cut her out of my life and be free of the drama and pain - and I am certainly tempted - but I feel hesitant to do that. Hell if I know why ...

Posted Written at 2:45 AM

July 14, 2003

Ah, Bastille Day - brave, desperate people took a stand against their oppressive government and took back what was theirs. It was a day when the French emulated the Americans, and today the Americans should take note of the historical actions of the French and take a stand for themselves.

Viva la revolution! Liberty, Equality, Fraternity!

Posted at 1:14 AM

July 13, 2003

Did you hear the one about the hopeless, depressed idiot? Oh, you have? Well, then I guess I don't have anything else that's funny to share ...

Posted at 12:39 AM

July 12, 2003

I was so depressed this morning that I couldn't get myself out of bed until nearly 11:30 AM, and I was moving incredibly slowly even though I did finally get myself going.

As I'm writing now, I'm somewhat better. I still feel like shit, and I'm still incredibly sad and upset about a whole mess of things, but I've been forcing myself to work at redecorating stuff and setting up stuff all day, and I've accomplished a lot - that helps to give me a small amount of pleasure to fight against my depression. I'm still down, but at least I can still fight against it.

tomorrow will hopefully not be as bad as today. I have a lot I'd like to do, but the depression slows me down and makes even the simplest task a lot harder. But I guess I'll just deal with it, however it comes.

Posted at 2:37 AM

July 11, 2003

If you haven't been able to tell from the short and somber posts over the past few days, depression has hit me again. And, of course, everything around me seems to be going wrong, so that just makes things worse.

My grandmother actually upset me quite a bit tonight, more than I can imagine would be possible from her, and the effect is that I'm incredibly down.

Hopefully this will all pass soon.

Posted Written at 2:17 AM

July 10, 2003

No more.

Posted at 4:58 AM

July 9, 2003

Ugh! SO tired again. Still.

But today's activities in Toledo put an end to: 1) required trips to Toledo, 2) my connection with the Collingwood Arts Center, 3) my shopping for various items to facilitate the remodeling and setting up of my new living space, and 4) my planning of how to construct my bookshelves. All of these are good things, and even though I'm tired, I am pleased.

Now if I can just finish everything else before I go insane. That might be nice.

Posted at 1:54 AM

July 8, 2003

Well, I did more redecorating and setting up stuff today, and I'm sure that you couldn't care less. The truth is that I have no life and this is as exciting as it gets. Oh, and I get depressed, too.

Don't I sound like a fun person to know? Yeah, well, thanks for that hearty endorsement; I'm not fooling anybody either.

Posted at 10:41 PM

July 7, 2003

Hello all!
Guess what?
I'm tired.
That'll happen.

Posted at 3:01 AM

July 6, 2003

Ahoy-hoy, web surfers!

I'm back from a two-day weekend with Greg in Michigan, checking out his house, spending time with him, and playing with his dog, Lucy. We actually ended up doing almost constant shopping for those two days, trying to find small things I've been looking for to set up the new space in Sandusky, also trying to get various things that Greg needs for continuing work on remodeling his house , and also trying to just look around at stuff and enjoy ourselves. I even got to see my first actual Apple Store and enjoy it.

I think we both got something out of our shopping ventures (I know that I did), and I hope that Greg felt as good about spending time together in such a weird way. The one big thing that we might have done as a completely entertaining diversion was to go out to a night club on Saturday, but as Greg was trying to figure out what might be a fun place to attend, I was busy nodding off, gradually getting further and further into sleep (I didn't have dinner, and I think the lack of food/energy really hit me unexpected). So we ended up not going out or doing anything that night, just sitting around and watching TV; that was fine for me, but hopefully wasn't a disappointment for Greg.

I've gotten a lot more self-conscious about how Greg thinks of me, which is quite tough considering I have always been quite self-conscious of his perception of me since he first knew me. I kept finding myself thinking, "Damn, but I must seem boring. Why did he invite me, and will he ever want me back after being so uninteresting?

Well, who knows what he thinks? Certainly not me ...

Posted at 12:01 AM

July 4, 2003

Today is Independence Day here in the United States, and while I have huge problems with our current governmental administration, I must say that I am incredibly happy with what my country can be, should be, and often is. The founding principles of these United States of America are incredible, powerful affirmations of human rights and freedom, and America has the potential to raise up its people, its lands, and the whole world, if only people would not be selfish or uncaring.

To those of you in other countries, please accept my apologies for the fools who currently run our government, but let me also ask for your patience and your support. America can play a positive role in the world if led by the proper individuals; new leadership will come, but it will not come for a little while longer. Things shouldn't be this fucked up and have to wait to change, but that's the nature of things in government, so please be patient.

Posted at 12:28 AM

July 3, 2003

Hey! What's that creaking noise coming from the ladder? It sounds like the noise the ladder makes when I shift my weight on it, but I'm not moving right now.

There it is again. Oh fuck! The feet of the ladder are sliding and the ladder is shifting down the wall, moving me closer to falling painfully down into the stairwell in a tangled mess of paint, ladder, and me.

Ah, there's never a dull moment.

Have I mentioned how much I like painting <that was sarcasm, by the way>.

Posted at 11:33 PM

July 2, 2003

Oooo!!! Painting! <fuckin' painting bullshit>

So I'm back to painting again, trying to take care of the vaulted stairwell that leads to my second floor digs. It is seriously a pain in the ass, but it has to be done, and it's now underway. I'm tired, though, both physically and mentally. I really want this (and all of the other moving/redecorating/settling-in crap) done.

in other news, Bowling Green State University is giving me a new advisor, and it just happens to be The Dragon Lady, the same person I've been avoiding as a professor for two years because she's such a bad teacher. And in all fairness, she might be a good advisor ... I don't know ... but I'm not too excited about having her take things over when I'm just about to finish my undergraduate degrees and need to have someone who will work with me to make sure that everything is together right.

But I have so much to look forward to! Tomorrow brings MORE PAINTING. And Friday may well bring MORE PAINTING. And ... well ... i don't know what will happen after that, exactly, except that I'm supposed to go to visit Greg for the weekend (which will give me every reason to forget about painting and advisors and everything else that's stupid or annoying or boring in my life).

Posted at 10:29 PM

July 1, 2003

If it weren't for feeling responsible for my grandmother and seeing to it that I fixed her her meals and worked on the house and stuff, I would have stayed in bed today.

I've been exceptionally down today, depressed even, and and I can't shake it. It's been hard to do just about anything, and I'm not moving very fast at what I do happen to work at.

Yea. Life - it's what you do.

Posted at 10:23 PM

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