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February 2006

 

February 28, 2006

Like any of you care what I have to say anyhow ...

Posted at 12:27 AM

 

February 27, 2006

Crappity crap crap crap. Crap.

Posted at 1:32 AM

 

February 26, 2006

You are getting sleepy ... sleeepyy ...

Posted at 10:49 PM

 

February 25, 2006

It has been a long, strange day, and while I expected it to be both long and strange, I didn't expect it to be quite this long, nor did I expect it to leave me feeling quite this strange.

For the last few weeks (okay, so over a month), Steve has been canceling/postponing our weekly gaming sessions. Partly he's been overworked and tired and sometimes sick, but by and large Steve has been stressed about finishing all of the details and advance work for the next stages of the Dungeons & Dragons campaign he has been directing. He has been so stressed that he's finding it hard to work on the materials, he gets easily frustrated and defensive about the game, and he's putting all sorts of pressure on himself. As a result, the campaign is in stand-by mode until Steve gets everything ready that he wants ready - and according to him, that could take a few more weeks at least.

During all of this series of weekly delays and reschedulings, I've been disappointed but understanding. I've even been concerned about how much pressure Steve's been putting on himself. Mark, on the other hand, while originally accommodating to Steve, has grown increasingly frustrated as each week has passed, and last week he took matters into his own hands and made a proposal that got a 'thumbs-up' from all of us (me, Steve, Steffen, and obviously Mark himself). Mark has developed an idea for a new, rather different campaign, one which he himself would oversee as the Dungeon Master, and he's been building the whole idea rapidly - the world, the timeline, the whole thing. Mark intends to run this new campaign at least until Steve has fully prepared all of the materials for the old campaign. Once Steve is ready then we will decide when to switch back and how we'll alternate between the two. As I say, Mark proposed this last week over the course of a few phone calls, and today was the planned day to meet up and discuss the introductory information and do the basic creation of our characters. But - and there had to be a but - Mark decided that first, it would be 'fun' to check out BASHCon, specifically the dealers' room, and see what's up.

BASHCon is a gaming convention held at the University of Toledo by the campus gaming group, UT-BASH. As it so happens, I was, back in 1985, the second Vice-President to ever lead the organization (and I was President the following year), and I was the co-founder and Assistant Coordinator to the first BASHCon (I was the sole Convention Coordinator the following year). BASHCon started out incredibly strong, and I was very proud of what I'd been a part of. Sadly the politics of student organizations and petty gamers led to my resigning from BASH in frustration, something which was equally as upsetting to me then as it still is now. But things didn't end there either.

Within a year of my leaving BASH and BASHCon behind, I had left Toledo, as I have sometimes mentioned in this Journal, disappearing without a word, intent on starting a new life and a new identity and leaving the past behind. That, as many of you are quite aware, was not how things went, and instead I was forced back into my old life kicking and screaming and with a criminal record (if you feel you've missed something in this story then I suggest reading back into earlier Journal entries - it's not all there, but most of it is). Not long after I returned to my old life and while I was still on probation and while certain misdemeanor charges were still pending (unbeknownst to me), the 4th BASHCon was scheduled to come up. Wanting to see old friends and celebrate some precious memories, I decided to go, traveling from Akron (where I was then living) back to Toledo specifically to attend the convention. I had, of course, run the first and second BASHCons, and I had attended the 3rd, but the 4th would change everything.

Shortly after arriving in the Student Union, I ran into Dan Sikorski, my good friend and previous roommate, a roommate I had left behind without even a note when I disappeared. Dan was ... upset with me, I guess is the best way to put it. Upon first sight Dan strode up to me determinedly and punched me in the mouth, which was surprising for Dan because he isn't a violent person and is largely a pacifist. He started at me angrily for a few minutes after that, and then he hugged me long and hard. The punch I deserved but the hug - well, that was something I probably didn't deserve, but it was indicative of the kind of person Dan always was, and it made clear to me immediately that our friendship was still strong. That was quite comforting, and it was particularly appreciated considering that less than 15 minutes later I was arrested by the campus police. Apparently I had certain outstanding misdemeanor warrants in Toledo that I was unaware of, and the same fuckwads who had been stirring up nasty politics when I was in BASH were not only still around but had contacted campus security that they were certain I would come to BASHCon and that they should be on the look-out for me - which makes it sound like I was a terrorist or something. Writing a few bad checks a number of months earlier was obviously a terrible threat, so I was a top priority. And the end result was that I was handcuffed and taken away (obviously the handcuffs kept me from the potentially dangerous writing of further checks). And then the rest of my day was spent being processed by the Toledo police, once they had picked me up from the campus police. Anyhow, you get the picture. Fun times, yes indeed.

So Mark proposed this trip to BASHCon a couple of days ago, and my mind has been remembering a lot of things I don't usually think about. Some of those memories are about the great pride I have in what I created in the beginnings of the convention as well as the early days of BASH itself. And there were some great people I remembered from those days, too. But I found it impossible to just remember the good and not also remember the bad. The pettiness of certain assholes in the organization, the despicable, evil treatment I received from them, the culmination of which was my arrest, but that was far from the only injustice I had been given. All I could think was, "You know, the last time I went to BASHCon, I got punched in the mouth by a friend and then arrested and dragged off. I wonder if they can top that?"

Keep in mind that I still have this cold or whatever it is that's making me achy and tired and having lasting headaches and stuff, and then add ... not exactly anxiety but ... just uneasiness and an uncomfortable feeling about the whole thing, and that's what I felt like all morning and early afternoon as I got myself together and up to Toledo.

Once there, on the UT campus, I enjoyed looking around a bit. I haven't been there in a long while, and it's always nice for me to look around and reminisce. There are still a number of interesting or amusing memories for me on that campus. Once we got to the Student Union and headed to BASHCon I was watching everything - the campus security guard, the people running things, the people attending. I calmed down pretty quickly, but the whole thing felt weird. It got weirder when I saw people I knew from back then. Bob Kindel, formerly the head of the Ohio Gaming Organization (OGA) and one of my connections to the state-wide gaming community, was there manning a table for a game dealer (a vendor). I also saw Stan Sagan, who was a BASH member when I was an officer and was older than most of us at the time and, while nice, was a little geeky. He was also running a game dealer's booth. And across from Stan's table was a table manned by none other than Ernie Cummings, the de facto leader of the assholes who caused all of my problems with BASH and BASHCon. I should probably have beat the shit out of the fucker, but since I'm not inclined to violence I simply took pleasure in the fact that he didn't recognize me, and I tried to put him out of my mind as soon as possible (I'm still trying to put him out of my mind, by the way). I also saw Martha Rice, my old friend Jerry Jaffe's first wife. She also, surprisingly, was manning a dealer's table in the vendors area. There were a few other people that seemed familiar but I couldn't put names to, but considering we were there for only a bit more than an hour and the convention runs for three days, that was actually a surprisingly large number of people to recognize. If not for seeing Ernie I would in fact have enjoyed seeing those folks.

In a final analysis I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. In a way I'm incredibly proud that we made such a good foundation for BASH and BASHCon that they've endured this long. BASH is almost 23 years old and BASHCon is 21, and while BASH is nowhere near the 100+ members I had built it up to, it still lives on, still has a budget (I was on the committee that gave them their first funding) and they still have an office (I was on another committee that assigned rooms in the Student Union and got BASH its first office). And here BASHCon is, alive and kicking after all this time. I hate what was done to me, but I'm proud of what I made.

Even though this BASHCon was actually a bit smaller than even the first BASHCon , it was full of people enjoying themselves, and with a full LAN set up for some PC gaming, it is clear that BASH has been expanding their offerings beyond what we had in the old days (at which point the height of PC gaming was Zork III or Wizardry (console gaming (like Atari and NES) was more complex by then, but not PC games)). BASHCon could have been bigger, but it also could have died off long ago. The fact that it's still around after all these years, all dependent upon a bunch of gamers to organize it and put in the effort to run it - that's impressive on its own.

I still have mixed feelings about all of it, and I hate that. My life seems to be a repeating cycle of situations where I do a lot of hard work building something up, making friends, and making a success, followed not long thereafter by some one or two bad seeds who I'd thought were friends fucking it all up and screwing me over. BASH and BASHCon should have been totally happy memories, but they aren't. And damnit, I hate that I can't even just think of the good memories without the bad ones being attached. It's just not fair, really. That's life, I know, but just because that's true doesn't mean I have to like it.

Fortunately, rather than stay too long and let me brood on things, we left after an hour or so, having checked out all of the wares of the dealers and checking out the LAN set-up and everything else, and we made our way to Steffen's house to eat and to get the start-up work started on Mark's new campaign. Mark gave us a little background on the storyline, gave us some sources to reference from established D&D texts for background data, and got us started (and nearly done) creating our characters for the new group. It looks quite promising, and it will clearly be quite different from what we've each been doing in Steve's campaign. Don't get me wrong because I thoroughly enjoy Steve's campaign, but the differences for all of us in this new campaign should make for a nice change of pace and a chance to challenge us in different ways. I'm looking forward to getting underway in this new campaign just as much as I'm anxious for Steve to be ready to resume the old one.

So now it's well after 5 AM, far, far, far later than I ever would have imagined typing this up. And while I expected the day to be strange, I didn't know quite exactly how distinctly strange it would indeed end up feeling. But I can live with it, I think, and even comfortably. And it's these new memories that I'm making, gaming with Mark and Steve and Steffen, that will be what I'll remember fondly, and the past can stay where it's supposed to be, leaving room for better things to come.

Posted at 5:42 AM

 

February 24, 2006

This is fantastic. My vote is for even more legislation like this. I mean really - won't somebody please think of the children?

Bill Would Block Republicans From Adopting Children

(Akron, Ohio) An Ohio Democrat is proposing legislation that would prevent Republicans from adopting children, a move aimed at embarrassing the GOP over moves to block gay adoptions.

State Sen. Robert Hagan (D-Youngstown) admits his bill is purely "tongue-in-cheek" but says that the message is anything but a joke.

In an email sent to fellow legislators, and obtained by Knight Ridder Newspapers, Hagan says he's looking for co-sponsors to "introduce legislation in the near future that would ban households with one or more Republican voters from adopting children or acting as foster parents."

Earlier this month a bill to ban gays, bisexuals, and transgenderds from adopting was proposed by 10 far-right Republicans. It was introduced in the House this month by state Rep. Ron Hood (R-Ashville)

"We need to see what we are doing," said Hagan, who called Hood's proposed bill blatantly discriminatory and "homophobic."

When Hood introduced his gay adoption ban he said that, "Studies have shown that the optimal setting to raise children in is a traditional setting with a mom and a dad."

Hood claims that children raised in gay households are at "increased risk" of physical and emotional problem.

In Hagan's email to fellow lawmaker's he skewers Hood's assertions, offering his own "credible research" shows that adopted children raised in Republican households are more at risk for developing "emotional problems, social stigmas, inflated egos, and alarming lack of tolerance for others they deem different than themselves and an air of overconfidence to mask their insecurities."

Hagan knows his mock bill has no chance of getting to the floor for a vote let alone passing. And, Hood's bill appears to be headed for a similar fate.

Last week 365Gay.com reported that GOP leaders in the House and Senate said they would not permit the measure to move through committee. (story)

Posted at 12:42 PM

 

February 23, 2006

I feel like hell. Not enough sleep, lingering depression, headaches that won't go away - it's all leaving me tired, achy, and feeling like it's a major effort just to hold my head up (.iterally, not figuratively). I may have some sort of cold or virus fucking with me considering all of this and the occasional coughing I go through. Whatever it is I've had enough.

It's bad enough that I'm often emotionally and mentally miserable, but I don't really need to be physically miserable as well.

Posted at 9:46 PM

 

February 22, 2006

Is it me or are 90% of Disney Channel's movies and shows made with women in the lead roles? Not that I have anything against women in lead roles - I even think a lot of these movies and shows are great - but recently I've noticed that it seems like girls are being given way more than simply equal opportunities. Am I losing perspective somehow? I don't know.

Some kids are boys, Disney Channel. Keep them in mind.

Posted at 10:23 PM

 

February 21, 2006

There is no Dog.

Posted at 11:35 PM

 

February 20, 2006

Amazing. Someone exists who actually understands, in my terms, the greater part of what makes me sad and depressed. Milo's insights amaze me more and more.

Happy People Shit Me

“Ignorance is bliss.”

That little proverb has been diluted into insignificance through overuse by dealers in fortune-cookie wisdom. It is not a throw-away line, it’s a desperate cry of frustration and helplessness made by someone who wishes they could ignore the deafening roar and blinding obviousness of things most people never think about.

There’s a shroud over society which helps to keep our priorities in check. A shroud which helps society function by minimizing distraction and providing clear and simple outlines for people to follow without too much internal debate. It is the thing which keeps us believing that university degrees matter, that politics is important and that your career is a worthwhile investment of your time.

I think we all see little gaps in the shroud on occasion but invariably we just shake it off and get back on the treadmill as quickly as possible because we know what happens to people who step off it. Society is not kind to those who see too clearly, or care too much about what is behind the shroud. I think that the more curious among us spend more time peeking through the gaps, and more time being concerned about what is being concealed. I think that’s why intelligent people are less happy.

When I look at society, I see an artificial construct. A very intricately woven fabric of lies, false priorities and meaningless rewards. As I grow older, the clarity with which I see that only increases, and as a result, the significance of everything we’re conditioned to hold dear is drastically reduced.

It’s very difficult to be happy when every gesture seems empty, and nothing seems real anymore.

I think the happiest of us all are those who don’t think about it too much. Unfortunately by the time people like me realize we don’t want to know, it’s already far too late. I’m lucky to have found one or two liked-minded people with whom to lament the loss of ignorance which I never stood a chance of preserving.

Happy people shit me because they don’t carry the same burden. Whether they remain ignorant of the things which haunt and concern me, or are simply better at shrugging them off is irrelevant. They shit me because I’m jealous of their ability to be carefree.

I often mock perpetually happy people and deride their intelligence, but I wish I were more like them. I wish I could ignore what I see behind the shroud and convince myself all this stuff I can touch, all the social conventions we observe, and all the goals we make for ourselves actually matter.

Despite my inherent incompatibility with such people, I want one of those fountains of happy-juice to share my life with. I need someone to obscure my vision and quiet my mind. Often someone who is sufficiently happy lacks any substance, but much more tragically some have just enough to learn to hate me for what I see.

Happy people shit me because they’re smart enough to stay away.

Posted at 10:31 PM

 

February 19, 2006

My cousin Dana visited for a while today, the first time I've seen her in over a year. I have a lot of respect for her, and I always find her quite interesting and fun to talk to, but my heart honestly wasn't in it today. I woke up early and stayed in bed, miserable with a massive headache behind throbbing eyes - eyes that wouldn't stop tearing up. I gradually got myself up and going, but I've been down all day, and by the time Dana arrived mid-afternoon, I wasn't really any better off. I enjoyed her visit more than I would have enjoyed moping around otherwise, but I still feel pretty horrible and quite drained of all energy.

Last night I had hoped that I'd sleep this off. Tonight I'm not remotely that optimistic.

Posted at 12:52 AM

 

February 18, 2006

What a crap day. Amazing how easily the major depression just rushes back in and crushes me.

So - no sleep, the worst asshole-ridden traffic I've faced in years, cancellation of the only socializing and entertainment I would have had for over a month, and then unbelievable next part of the fucked up marathon of unbelievable fuckness that I've come to refer to as the Never-ending Epic of the Powerbooks from Hell (coming soon to a nightmare near you). And then I got to drive back from Toledo in even worse traffic, sinking amazingly quickly into deeper and deeper depression.

So now, seven hours later, I still feel pain in my chest, still have a headache, still feel like I'm totally on the verge of tears, still have the clenched teeth, and still feel miserable.

Just another day in paradise.

Posted at 11:37 PM

 

February 17, 2006

More sleep! Must have more sleep! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh ..................

Posted at 11:40 PM

 

February 16, 2006

I'm watching a PBS special about Stonehenge, based on modern archaeological findings and carbon dating and such. It's quite a fascinating new understanding of not only how Stonehenge was created as we see it, but also how Stonehenge developed through different formats over thousands of years. I'm always fascinated by ancient civilizations, their customs, stories, and certainly their ruins. Stonehenge is certainly one of the more interesting since so little is known of who made it and why.

Ironically, my attention shifted to a strange parallel while I was watching this, just before I decided to write this Journal entry. I remembered back to the time when I was delivering cars for Snappy Car Rental. We had a delivery area of about eight counties around Akron and Canton, Ohio. One day, while making a delivery in the country, far in the southern part of our delivery area, I came upon Carhenge, a ... homage, I guess ... a reconstruction of Stonehenge but made with cars rather than stones. At the time I first saw it, Carhenge was rather new, less than a year or so old. I knew what it was supposed to be when I first saw it, but when I talked to my co-workers later about it, one of them, Rick, remembered reading a newspaper article about it and did indeed confirm it was called Carhenge. As I remembered that today, I took a chance and searched the 'Net for Carhenge and apparently there is more than one Carhenge, the better-known apparently is in Nebraska, and here it is with its own site.

Certainly after such an elaborate PBS program, my remembrance of Carhenge is almost anti-intellectual, I suppose, but it's funny and unusual at the least. What can I say, my head is full of weird remembrances like this. Just stick around long enough and you might be amazed what kinds of weird stuff I describe here.

Posted at 11:06 PM

 

February 15, 2006

It has taken far too long, in my opinion, but finally there is criminal prosecution being laid against the Gravelles, the horrible "parents" who adopted 11 special needs kids (collecting about $5000 or more per month) and kept the kids locked in cages that weren't even big enough for them to lay down in without curling up. The Gravelles were also clearly abusive in their ideas of punishment, and stories from neighbors make it clear that they certainly weren't buying clothes and stuff for the kids with the money that the state and federal government were providing them.

The two Gravelles, a matched pair, are each facing 16 counts of third-degree felony child endangering (1-5 years in prison and up to a $10,000 fine each (meaning 16-80 years and up to $160,000 in fines), 8 counts of first-degree misdemeanor falsification, and one count of third-degree felony perjury (1-5 years in prison and up to a $10,000 fine). I'm hoping that they get the maximum on all counts to be served consecutively, meaning that they would spend the rest of their lives in prison, and maybe then they'll get a hint of what it was like to live helplessly in cages. Gah!!! This whole thing has driven me crazy since I first heard about it last fall.

Anyhow, articles are available most everywhere it seems. This one, from the Toledo Blade, is one of the most complete, although this one from CNN.com was good, too, and included a couple different items (I'm only reprinting the one from the Blade below).

Huron County Jury Indicts Parents of Caged Kids
Multiple crimes alleged; therapist also is charged


NORWALK, Ohio - A week before a custody hearing that will decide where their 11 adopted children will live, a Huron County couple who kept some of the youngsters in cages have been charged with child endangering and other crimes.

Indictments were filed yesterday in Huron County Common Pleas Court against Michael and Sharen Gravelle, and against Elaine Thompson, an Elyria, Ohio, therapist who counseled the children.
Mr. and Mrs. Gravelle were charged with 16 counts of third-degree felony child endangering, eight counts of first-degree misdemeanor child endangering, five counts of first-degree misdemeanor falsification, and one count of perjury, a third-degree felony.

Ms. Thompson, a licensed independent social worker who testified for the couple during an adjudicatory hearing in December, was charged with 16 third-degree felony counts of aiding and abetting endangering children, eight first-degree misdemeanor counts of aiding and abetting child endangering, and eight counts of failure to report child abuse or neglect, all fourth-degree misdemeanors.

The children, ages 1 to 15, were removed from the Gravelles' Clarksfield Township home Sept. 9 after authorities found the cages inside the residence. The youngsters, who suffer from such conditions as fetal-alcohol syndrome and pica, a compulsion to eat nonfood items, have been in foster care since then.
Judge Timothy Cardwell of Huron County Common Pleas Court ruled Dec. 22 that the Gravelles had abused eight of the children by keeping them in enclosed beds rigged with alarms for sleep and for punishment, or in a room barricaded shut with a dresser. The judge also found that all 11 of the children were dependent, meaning that conditions inside the home put them at risk of being abused or neglected.

A custody hearing set for next Wednesday before Judge Cardwell is to determine whether some or all of the children will be returned to the Gravelles or placed in the permanent custody of Huron County.

"I think that the grand jury certainly decided by the indictments that this was a serious matter and that you can't treat children this way," county Prosecutor Russell Leffler said.

Kenneth Myers, a Cleveland attorney who represents the Gravelles, said the couple had expected the charges, which represented a potential setback in their efforts to have the children returned to them.

The Gravelles have denied abusing the children and said they built the enclosures to keep the youngsters from harming themselves and each other. In response to Judge Cardwell's findings of abuse and dependency, they have since modified the cages into bunk beds.

"They've been prepared for this for months, but it's still a shock," Mr. Myers said. "And they seem to be holding up fairly well, but it's another obstacle. It's a huge obstacle."

The attorney said his clients "intend to vigorously contest these charges."

Mr. Leffler said the number of child endangering counts filed against the Gravelles "relates more to the number of children" than to specific incidents. "For every time a kid was thrown in the bathtub or told to stay there for a week, we didn't have a separate charge for each of those things," he said. "We basically did it as a continuing course of conduct."

One of the couple's adopted sons testified during the December hearing that he slept in one of the cages and was sometimes confined there during the day as punishment. The boy also testified that some of the children were spanked with a wooden board for setting off the cages' alarms and that he was once confined to a bathroom for 81 days for urinating in his bed.

Mr. Leffler said the five falsification counts allege that the Gravelles misrepresented information about themselves on applications to adopt some of the children and to obtain subsidies for them.

The Gravelles filed competing requests for a legal separation in 2001, and an affidavit filed in county Common Pleas Court that year states that they were receiving $4,256 a month in Social Security benefits and adoption subsidies for eight children.

Mr. Leffler said the perjury counts charge the couple with lying under oath during the initial home study that qualified them to begin adopting children. According to court records, the couple adopted the first of the 11 children in 1997.

Mr. Leffler said Ms. Thompson was indicted because she failed to notify authorities about the conditions in the Gravelle home and because she encouraged the couple's actions, including the use of the cages.

"She's a mandated reporter, and we saw that as basically an act of omission," he said. "And then, it was felt by the grand jurors that the degree of involvement of Elaine Thompson in this entire episode was greater than that, and she really did aid and abet the endangering of the children, and that is a big step."

Ms. Thompson testified during the December hearing that she was taken aback when she first saw the cages in 2003. But she added that she eventually agreed with the Gravelles that the structures were needed to protect the children from themselves and to keep them from urinating on walls and floors and destroying household items.

Ms. Thompson could not be reached for comment last night.

Mr. Myers said he was "very distressed" by the charges against the therapist.

"I thought she provided very good service to the Gravelles, and I thought she was an excellent witness at the hearing, and I'm really upset that she's going to have to be put through this and have her career and her freedom jeopardized," he said.

The most serious charges against the Gravelles and Ms. Thompson are third-degree felonies that carry maximum prison terms of five years each.

The Gravelles are to be arraigned next Wednesday in county Common Pleas Court before the start of the custody hearing in juvenile court. Ms. Thompson's arraignment is scheduled for Feb. 28.

Posted at 11:10 PM

 

February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day sucks!

Just what people like me need, a day to specifically remind us how alone we are. As if we didn't think about that fact all too much during the course of any given day, the greeting card industry and every lucky couple in the world has to rub this shit in our faces. Just great. Thanks a lot, folks. That's really considerate of you. And for those of you who give Valentine's cards to everyone you know, congratulations on not only making Hallmark profitable but in also demeaning the value of what true romantic love really means.

What a crappy day.

Posted at 9:35 PM

 

February 13, 2006

Why, why, why.

Posted at 10:16 PM

 

February 12, 2006

This new Bruce Willis movie that's being advertised, 16 Blocks, may be the first Bruce Willis movie I haven't liked, and my reason for saying that is quite irrational. Bruce Willis' character has a full, bushy mustache.

Granted, I openly tell people that I dislike facial hair, but it's not that I dislike people if they have a mustache or beard or goatee. I just find people more attractive clean-shaven, and I find relatively few people who can pull off facial hair and look passable. With Bruce Willis, though, I think this goes beyond my normal anti-facial hair issues. His mustache reminds me far too much of my dad's mustache, and it's so reminiscent that even the short one minute ads have completely turned me off on this movie and make me expect it to just suck outright. See, I told you it was an irrational reason.

Posted at 10:39 PM

 

February 11, 2006

Well, Ohio is now officially eclipsing any other American state for its repressive out-right discrimination against gay people. It's bad enough that the conservative sociopolitical domination of this state is driving people away, leaving thousands jobless and homeless, leaving many thousands more living below the poverty line, making college attendees pay more for their education than any other state in the union, having politicians at all levels of government to be corrupt shills of corporate interests and lobbyists, and driving the educational system into the dark ages by supporting efforts against teaching Darwinism and efforts for teaching the Bible in public schools as history and absolute fact. It may offend some people for me to say it, but America as a whole would be well-served if terrorists nuked the entire state and left it uninhabitable for generations, wiping the masses of self-righteous, ignorant, Bible-e-thumping bigots out of existence.

Ohio just passed a constitutional amendment banning marriage between gay people that has been considered the most draconian law of its kind anywhere, a law that is so far-reaching that it my even affect common-law marriages. Now, in similar form, state legislators are destroying the families and happiness of gay people as best they know how, by making it illegal for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people to adopt or foster children under any circumstances, even making it illegal for families to foster or adopt kids if anyone gay lives in the house (such as a gay son or daughter or a gay uncle or grandparent). Surely once this passes, and it sadly will most likely do so with a wide majority, the next law will make it illegal for gays to work - anywhere. Or maybe it will be illegal for them to live anywhere. Certainly the state of Ohio already denies any response to discrimination in employment or housing based on sexual orientation, this would be the next logical step to destroying the lives of people who work hard, pay taxes, and in many cases are the backbones of their communities.

I've said it before - this is war. Peaceful attempts to educate people and promote tolerance should have been the proper route, but Christian conservatives and the Republicans who serve them have forced the issue, and gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered peoples now have to fight for their very families, their very homes and jobs, and their very lives. This is a war of freedom more important than any other, and it is inescapable. We certainly didn't start this war - we damn well did everything we could to avoid it and live quietly in peace - but even if we didn't start it we will finish it. Stand up, shout out your support, lend your time to demonstrations, fund the political efforts, and fight! Don't hold back! Make ACT-UP's loud and aggressive actions of twenty years ago seem tame in comparison. It's war, damn it! Stand up for your very lives and make these fuckers pay!

State Legislator Proposes Ban on Adoption by Homosexuals

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Ohioans would not be allowed to adopt or act as foster parents under a bill introduced in the state House this week.

The measure, sponsored by 10 Republican lawmakers, would extend that ban to anyone living with an individual determined by the court to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

The bill's primary sponsor, Rep. Ron Hood of Ashville, said it is aimed at protecting children because studies have shown that youngsters do best in a home where they're raised by a mother and a father.

He said the state has a responsibility to encourage the optimal environment. But Kent Markus, director of the National Center for Adoption Law and Policy at Capital University, labeled the bill "terrible policy."

"We have far too many children in need of safe, permanent homes already," Markus said.

At any given time, he said, about 20,000 Ohio children are in state or county custody because of issues such as abuse or neglect. He said eliminating a whole group of potential parents would only make it harder to find permanent or temporary homes for such children.

Markus also said he expects the debate over the proposed ban to involve a lot of "junk science" that will suggest gays shouldn't raise children. In fact, he said, reputable studies show that gays are as capable as heterosexuals of providing safe and appropriate homes for children.

The proposed ban has been on the public radar since last year, when groups such as the Pro-Family Network of Dayton began pushing the idea. Hood said the network, led by Greg Quinlan, supports his bill. Quinlan did not return repeated phone calls Friday.

There had been rumors that supporters of the ban might opt to put it on the ballot to energize like-minded voters in a key election year. Hood said no one discussed that option with him, while Markus noted that the introduction of the bill in the legislature does not necessarily rule out the ballot route.

Scott Borgemenke, chief of staff to House Speaker Jon Husted, a suburban Dayton Republican, said the bill "is a solution in search of a problem. Would the sponsor of the bill rather have the babies aborted or adopted by alternative couples?"

He said that Husted, who himself was adopted, does not support the bill.

Lynne Bowman, executive director of Equality Ohio, said the group has been preparing since August for the possibility of such a ban. Formed in the wake of a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage that took effect in December 2004, Equality Ohio will campaign against the parenting prohibition by highlighting the stories of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people to demonstrate all that they have in common with other Ohioans, Bowman said.

Barry Sheets, government affairs director of Citizens for Community Values, which championed Ohio's gay marriage ban, said his group supports Hood's bill because it is in the best interests of children. He said the state is obligated to protect children from environments that could be harmful.

However, Sue Doerfer, executive director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center of Greater Cleveland, called the bill "part of this continuum of further and further restrictions of the civil rights of [lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender] people in Ohio."

She said she's also troubled that the measure is an attempt to legislate religious beliefs.

Doerfer's partner, Brynna Fish of Cleveland Heights, has been a foster mom to her nephew, Shiah, - now almost 21 - since he was 18 months old.

Fish said she would like to believe the bill won't attract widespread support and will wither on its own, but she isn't counting on that.

"It's just scary," she said, adding that she's insulted by the bill's premise that gays and lesbians are unfit parents.

Shiah Fish said the proposed legislation is "another legalized form of bigotry. I had a perfect childhood with her [his aunt]. No matter what sexual preference you have, loving parents are loving parents."

Kara Suffredini, a legislative lawyer with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, said there is a building effort nationwide to bar gays from adopting or foster parenting. Last year, eight states considered bills on the issue, although none was enacted, she said.

However, a handful of states already have laws on the book, said Suffredini. For instance, she said a Florida law passed in 1977 prohibits "homosexuals" from adopting, and Mississippi approved a measure in 2000 to outlaw adoption by same-sex couples. But Suffredini said the proposed ban in Ohio is "the worst" and the only one she has ever heard of to include transgender people.

Posted at 9:28 PM

 

February 10, 2006

Death eludes me. How long do you suppose this can go on?

Posted at 12:01 AM

 

February 9, 2006

Is there no sanity left in this world?

Posted at 10:28 PM

 

February 8, 2006

My TV is getting worse - only gradually but nonetheless worse. Even so, I still haven't decided what to do. I looked both online and in person at various sources for TVs and considered prices, including some decent sales, but the whole idea of spending hundreds of dollars on a TV, given my budget, is not particularly appealing. Sooner or later, though, my TV will die completely and then I'll be stuck. <frown>

Posted at 10:06 PM

 

February 7, 2006

Is Emeril the secret love-child of BamBam Rubble?

BAM!!!

Posted at 10:56 PM

 

February 6, 2006

I'm waiting for some idiot in Hollywood to decide they need to remake Rebel Without a Cause now. Seriously, after all of the movies they've been remaking, most of which had pretty exceptional levels of success the first time around and which still were incredible films even decades after they were first made - after all of this nothing should surprise me any more. Of course seeing that they're remaking The Omen manages to surprise me, even so. And to think I was shocked that they remade the Pink Panther. Why do I let any of this shock me at all? Why not redo Gone With the Wind? Why not redo Casablanca? It's a Wonderful Life, maybe - maybe even with Adam Sandler in the lead role. Surely that would be what Hollywood is planning next. Stupid fuckers ...

Posted at 10:06 PM

 

February 5, 2006

Huzzah! Chris called me today from Korea!

I haven't talked to Chris in months, and neither of us has been doing very well at sending e.mails or letters since he moved. Chris says he's had the winter doldrums most of the time he's been there and I've ... well I've been me, meaning I've been rather depressed and withdrawn. But today I was really happy to hear from Chris, and we talked for almost an hour and a half. It was great!

Chris was actually riding on the bus that takes him to the school where he teaches English, but it had snowed that morning, lightly (he claims it might have been as much as 5mm!), and since it snows very rarely where he is the masses of commuters were terrified and therefore driving at snail's paces. Because of that his bus was taking forever to get into town, and he'd already missed two of his classes before he arrived and we ended the call.

He sounds really good, and while I think the novelty of the teaching is wearing off and he's getting frustrated with the whole deal, he still sounds simply fascinated and thrilled with every new thing he learns about Korean culture and food. His girlfriend, Alice, has settled in well I'm told, and Chris says that Alice's son James, who is now 6, is not only acclimating well but has quickly learned Korean near-fluently and has garnered "a million" friends who, in Chris's opinion, sometimes almost treat him like a celebrity (partly due to his ability to speak both Korean and English fluently and interchangeably, even within the same conversation, but also because of his outgoing, bubbly personality). Chris loves James very dearly, it is constantly clear, and when Chris and Alice finally set a date to marry then I see them being possibly one of the most happy and contented families ever - and I certainly can't think of anyone more deserving than my good friend, Chris.

Posted at 11:04 PM

 

February 4, 2006

Damn! I'd almost forgotten how hot Vincent Kartheiser is. Mmmm ... now I have something nice to think about when I go to sleep.

Posted at 12:35 AM

 

February 3, 2006

Today I'm turning over the Journal to the words of Josh Aterovis, one of my favorite online authors (The Killian Kendall gay mystery series). Josh regularly posts opinion essays about gay issues, and he repeatedly proves that his worldview is nearly identical to mine. Today's essay (as well as Josh's most recent blog entry) echo perfectly my own opinions about recent events. So without further ado, here's Josh -

A History of Violence

Anti-gay violence is on the rise -- not just in the U.S., but all over the world.

A Swedish website lists 129 well-known gay individuals, including prominent actors, musicians, broadcasters, politicians and priests, and calls for their death. Despite having one of the world's toughest laws against the promotion of hate, Sweden's chief prosecutor says he is powerless to shut down the site because it frames its death threats in the form of Biblical quotes.

Britain is in the midst of a homophobic crime wave that has escalated to the point that police have urged the LGBT community to use caution when going out. A young man in Londonderry is in danger of losing his eye after a recent attack, and it wasn't the first time he'd been assaulted. A gay couple near London almost lost their home, and possibly their life, when they discovered someone had pushed incendiary material through their mail slot, starting a fire in their hallway. Fortunately, they were able to extinguish the fire before it spread. In another incident, a lesbian couple was pelted with snowballs that had stones and broken glass embedded in them. Police say they believe there have been dozens of other cases throughout the country that have gone unreported. Officials believe that the number of homophobic attacks on gays has increased with the publicity over civil partnerships, which became legal in December.

In New Bedford, Massachusetts, a community about 50 miles south of Boston, a violent attack rocked a popular gay club. A young man, 18 year old Jacob Robida, struck a customer in the head with a hatchet before shooting two others. As I'm writing this, Robida is still on the run while his victims remain in the hospital -- one in critical condition. When police searched Robida's room, they discovered Nazi regalia. The teen is being sought on charges of attempted murder, assault and civil-rights violations.

What is behind this increase in homophobic violence? Almost certainly, as the British officials stated, it's due to increased publicity as gay rights issues have taken center stage in countries all over the world. It's nothing new. Mankind has a history of violence, especially when it concerns a traditionally downtrodden group trying to claim equality. During the 60's civil rights movement, it was violence against blacks. The ignorant always resort to violence when their status quo is threatened. When the people the bigot has always demeaned and reviled suddenly dare to stand up for themselves and demand rights, the bigot will lash out.

It's no surprise the bigots are worked up right now. Gay rights are one of the biggest issues in the world right now, affecting almost every state and country around the globe. Almost every political race is influenced by gay rights, and barely a day goes by when you don't see some LGBT-related story in the media.

In Canada's recent election, gay marriage was a crucial issue. During campaigning, Conservative leader Stephen Harper claimed that overturning Canada's equal marriage law would be one of his first priorities. The Tory Party did win the election, but the results were less about gay rights than a country unwilling to trust a scandal-ridden Liberal party. Fortunately, with a minority government even smaller than the Liberals before them, the Conservatives will most likely be unable to change the marriage law.

Continuing his homophobic policies, President Bush renewed his attack on gay families in his recent State of the Union Address. Addressing a joint session of Congress the president said that "many Americans, especially parents, still have deep concerns about the direction of our culture, and the health of our most basic institutions. They are concerned about unethical conduct by public officials, and discouraged by activist courts that try to redefine marriage."

“Trying to draw comparisons between the reprehensible acts of unethical politicians with fair and independent judges is both ridiculous and wrong,” said Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).

Not only is it ridiculous, but by continually demonizing gay and lesbian families, President Bush and other outspoken Republicans fan the flames of hatred. If someone like Jacob Robida already believes that gays are evil sinners, then hearing the president make antigay statements only confirms that belief in his mind. The crusading Religious Right, with their fire and brimstone wailing, will only further enforce those feelings. If he is already unbalanced or prone to violence, it's just a matter of time before that hate will build to the point that it erupts into violence.

What can we do to stem the tide of violence?

There's an old proverb that says something along the lines of "in order to avoid repeating history, we have to learn from the past." If there's anything we can learn from the Black civil rights movement, it's that we have to keep fighting for equality. We can't let fear defeat us. We have to stand up against the bigots and hatemongers and demand our rights.

So how do we do that?

Vote! One of the easiest we can do to make a difference is elect fair-minded, progressive officials. The only way to stop the homophobic politicians is to get them out of office.

Support gay-positive legislation and defeat antigay measures. Many states are bringing gay issues to the polls. We can't afford to sit idly by while the antigay forces muster their troops with military precision. State after state is passing same-sex marriage bans while other states struggle to pass antidiscrimination laws. Our opponents are well-organized and well-funded, so that makes it all the more important that we pay attention, spread the word, and vote. Also, don't be afraid to contact your representatives and let them know your feelings on important issues. As HRC president Joe Solmonese said in reference to the attacks at the gay bar in Massachusetts, "When a man walks into a bar, asks if it's a gay bar and starts shooting, there couldn't be any more glaringly obvious and enraging example that we need uniform hate crimes law and that Congress has stubbornly failed to act."

Come out and speak up! This is perhaps the hardest, yet most important thing we can do as gay men and women. Coming out is a powerful statement that has been proven to change hearts and minds again and again. If you're already out, speak up. If your friends, family, and coworkers don't understand how these issues affect you, then how can they care? The more people who know and understand how homophobia adversely affects their loved ones, the more allies we'll have on our side.

I don't believe we are doomed to repeat history -- not if we can learn from the past and work together to create a better future. In 1964, Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love." That message is as true today as it was then. Let's learn from our history and move forward in love.

...and also Josh's blog:

A History of Violence

I've been watching the news lately and growing increasingly more disturbed at the increase in violence against gays. It seems, the more we stay in the spotlight, the more of a target we become. That doesn't mean we can let the bullies win. We just have to fight all the harder and watch our backs at the same time. This week's column came out of these thoughts.

Equally disturbing, but somehow not surprising, is the GOP's selection of Boehner as their majority leader. According to 365Gay.com, Boehner is a sponsor of the federal marriage amendment which would ban same-sex marriage under the Constitution. He has repeatedly voted against the Local Law Enforcement Enhancement Act which would add sexuality to groups protected under federal hate crime law. He also has voted against non-discrimination legislation that would bar employment bias based on sexual orientation and endorsed a bill that would allow the federal government to strip school libraries of books with gay themes. In addition Boehner voted to bar same-sex couples in the District of Columbia from adopting children. Just one more example of how the Republicans continue to define themselves as the antigay party.

As I suspected he would be, Alito was confirmed to the Supreme Court this week. I guess it remains to be seen how he will influence the U.S., but based on his past rulings, I'm going to hazard a guess and say he won't be gay-positive.

Continuing the thread of depressing political news, the Conservatives won the Canadian elections. Antigay Stephen Harper is now the PM of Canada. Fortunately, they have an even smaller minority than the Liberals before them so their hands are pretty much tied unless they can get one of the other voting blocks to side with them on an issue, and pretty much everyone else supports gay marriage. At least they shouldn't be able to do too much damage. Wish the same could be said for Bush and the Republicans here.

Posted at 11:15 PM

 

February 2, 2006

Now listen closely everyone:

"When you assume, you make an ass of u and me."

Now you know - and knowing is half the battle.

Posted at 9:28 PM

 

February 1, 2006

"I still hear people say that I should not be talking about the rights of lesbian and gay people, and I should stick to the issue of racial justice. But I hasten to remind them that Martin Luther King Jr. said 'Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.' I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream to make room at the table of brother- and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people.

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence, that spreads all too easily to victimize the next minority group.

Gays and lesbians stood up for civil rights in Montgomery, Selma, in Albany, Georgia, and St. Augustine, Florida, and many other campaigns of the civil rights movement. Many of these courageous men and women were fighting for my freedom at a time when they could find few voices for their own, and I salute their contributions."

- Coretta Scott King, in 1999 at the 25th Anniversary luncheon for the Lambda Legal Defense Fund.

Posted at 11:13 PM

 


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Journal, by Paul Cales, © February 2006