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January 2007

 

January 31, 2007

Here it is the last day of January, and I'm still working on things I had expected to have done by the end of December. Oh well.

On the positive side - the very positive side - I've really gotten all sorts of things done around the house, things that I haven't had time to do or have put off (in some cases for years) or things that my grandma has needed attended to for years, and the end result is that I've sorted and organized and cleaned up all but one very last place in this house so that the last thirty years of my grandma's disorganization has been put to rights. I've also gotten lots of the house cleaned up, and today (with the help of Agnes, who comes every other week to clean), all of the walls and woodwork in the bulk of the first floor have been washed down and made to sparkle (and there's a clear plan in place to make everything spotlessly clean before my grandma returns, particularly things that haven't been cleaned in years). I've also sorted and reorganized and cleaned all of my own things and set things aside for sale on eBay (the sale of those things is a big project that's among the next things on my list). I've also repaired or replaced almost every broken or imperfect piece of electronics and linen and clothing out of everything I own with the exception of my main computer (I've even gotten old computers repaired). I've completed massive double-fail-safe backups of my computers (with the exception of my Powerbook G3, which I should have finished tomorrow or Friday at the latest). I've repaired a whole bunch of things for my grandma, too, and I've got a list together of contractors for repairs to the house (which I had hoped to have called and arranged by today, but ... well ... too bad for me, I guess. They'll get called and scheduled soon, well before my grandma gets back).

Really, it's mostly all positive when you look at it. Yes, I still have all of the contractors to arrange and to have come and actually repair things in the house, and that's an annoyance that will take a while. And yes, I still have to finish up some backup work on my PBG3, but that should be done in a day or two. And yes, I still have to take my PBG4Al, my newest, regularly used computer, to an Apple Store to get it sent in for repairs. And yes, I have a number of errands to run tomorrow to wrap up loose ends. But that's mostly it. I'll have stuff that will need to be done over the next seven weeks before my grandma returns, and I may even do more things than I currently plan to do (because honestly I've been doing all sorts of additional stuff all through this that I never planned on doing way back in November and early December), and while there are things to do, February is set up to be a time where I can finally let myself relax and turn to doing some recreational reading, some computer gaming, and some movie watching.

Some relaxing down time is long overdue, and I hope I can enjoy things and still get done with these few last tasks that I want accomplished. We'll see. But even if I don't get everything done, I've already done a phenomenal amount of good. Hard work has paid off, at least as far as I'm concerned. I just hope that my grandma appreciates it when she gets back.

Posted at 11:56 PM

 

January 30, 2007

I am in desperate need of a boyfriend, a big dick, and lots of extra time in bed, ideally all at once.

Posted at 11:44 PM

 

January 29, 2007

I wouldn't hate shoveling snow so much if the damn stuff didn't come back down and make me do the whole thing all over again ...

Posted at 12:31 AM

 

January 28, 2007

What a terrible shame that Ryan Phillipe is no longer anywhere near as hot as he was when he was still young (at least if his new movie Breach is any indication). I felt the same way just a week or so ago when I saw previews of Leonardo DiCaprio in his latest movie, Blood Diamond. It's not just that they've filled out a bit or that their hair is darker and less glossy. It's not even that they have come into that 'rugged handsome' look that so many people thing is hot but which does nothing for me - because I don't think either of them has been that lucky. It's more a matter of them having lost that spark, that magic, that exuberance and freedom and unjaded love of life that is so much a part of being young. I am sure that they both are still talented actors, and they will surely be commanding high salaries for many years to come, but for me at least their true beauty and captivating intensity are now gone, only to be found in their previous films. It's disappointing, but so few people retain that magic as they age that it is no surprise. Still, it's just a damn shame.

Posted at 10:58 PM

 

January 27, 2007

Too much temptation is definitely not a good thing, and I think that I have a lot of temptation in store for me if the past two weeks have been any indication. I already don't trust myself in certain situations, and now I wonder if I can resist temptation and still not drive myself insane. At this point I see insanity as a sure thing.

Posted at 11:38 PM

 

January 26, 2007

Come on guys, the cliches are still true:

- You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

- The best offense is a good defense.

- Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

- The good die young.

... and last but certainly not least ...

- He who turns and runs away lives to fight another day.

Posted at 3:12 AM

 

January 25, 2007

I hate eBay - HATE IT!

Posted at 10:49 PM

 

January 24, 2007

Living with my grandma this long must be wearing off. She's terrible about buying anything if it's on sale, regardless of whether she needs it or not. In fact she's simply awful with coupons. She'll buy stuff she hates just to use a coupon, or she'll buy a product that's way more expensive than what she usually likes and gets, just because the coupon saves her 30¢ (even though the total cost will set her back more since that product is so much more expensive than her usual choice).

Today I headed out to make some simple purchases ... or at least price and windowshop things. My big targets were some new t-shirts (much needed since I buy clothes very rarely), some new bedding (specifically sheets and a mattress cover since the ones I'm using are over twelve years old and showing their age), and a new pillow (since the one I have has lost its support, and I'm very picky about having a very firm overstuffed pillow to actually sleep well). I had looked around Target last week, and while I saw a couple of okay things from my list, I wasn't really sold on anything. I figured I'd go to the mall and look around, but I didn't have enough time that day to venture further. So today, after a quick stop into Home Depot to check for some spray paint (which I couldn't find - who knows why neither Home Depot or Lowe's fail to carry flat Navy Blue spray paint ...) I decided to stop into Kohl's since I was right there (it's right next to Home Depot).

I've always liked Kohl's, but it's never really the first place I think of. I always think favorably of Kohl's, though, because they throw really great sales. Well, they were doing their winter clearance sales when I walked in today, and just about everything was 50%, 60% or even 70% off. It was amazing. It was wonderful. It was horrible. I found absolutely everything I was looking for (except the spray paint), and I found things I really loved, and the prices were great. I even found some things I wanted but had filed in the back of my mind to deal with at a later date - also at fantastic sale prices.

So it was a great day for capitalism, a great day for crossing things off of my checklists, and a horrible day for my wallet, specifically my Mastercard. I feel very guilty about spending so much on these things, but I'm pleased to have what I need to live without walking around in or sleeping on old, worn, torn cloth that is not far away from its true end days. I even thought about taking a bunch of stuff back after I'd gotten back to the house and was sorting things out to put away. But I decided in the end that the damage was done, and while I'd probably still feel guilty, it was just as well to buy the things now at 50-70% off than to buy them in a month or two at 2 or 3 times the price. If I keep telling that to myself long enough it might even comfort me at some point.

Posted at 12:30 AM

 

January 23, 2007

Life's depressing enough without that moron Bush spouting off in his State of the Union Address as if he has any valid or believable ideas about how to do anything that won't inevitably hurt America and screw over the American people.

Doomed! Doomed I say!

Posted at 11:34 PM

 

January 22, 2007

Damn. I need a long hug.

Posted at 11:30 PM

 

January 21, 2007

Being alone sucks, but I've largely been able to refocus on other things and to some extent not let it get to me. Sure, my more-than-regular depression owes a lot to my loneliness, I can't deny, but right at this moment in time I'm above my depression and concentrating on getting various things done. At least this way I can not only function, but I don't feel even the slightest bit miserable about being alone - most of the time.

It's easier to not think about being alone when you're not confronted with what you're missing most. Every time I see a beautiful guy that has certain qualities I adore ... every time I even glimpse someone like that I feel such a tremendous sense of longing that I feel like I could just burst into tears and wail in anguish. In less than a second every moment of loneliness comes bearing down on me like a crushing weight, and even while I am filled with a certain happiness and warmness at the vision I've seen, however brief it was, I feel as though I've been crushed by all the weight of the world and my heart ripped out and shredded.

Today was one of those days. I've regained my composure - my sanity even - since then, but it still lingers with me, unwilling to be easily forgotten. It's keeping me from sleeping, keeping me from relaxing, keeping me from even thinking about anything else. I just want to sleep and forget because anything else still hurts. Forgetting is all I have, all I can do. I need to forget ... because every memory makes it hurt all over again. But it won't let go.

It won't let go.

Posted at 6:58 AM

 

January 20, 2007

It comes as no surprise to me that tuition at Ohio's universities is phenomenally higher than everywhere else. Heck, all I have to do is look at the balance due on my student loans to realize how fucking horrible it is. And as much as I appreciate the Democrats in the U.S. House for working toward lowering interest rates on subsidized loans, it's really just a drop in the bucket. I don't think that anyone in Congress has a clue about how massive student loan debt has become. It may not be completely economically crippling for most people, but it is clearly something that will weigh people down for a decade or more before they get out from underneath it. My favorite professor, Phil Dickinson, told the class once that the payments for his student loans (for a bachelor's, master's and PhD) had been rescheduled (with consideration for his debt and child support), and he would be finished paying them off at age 71 (he was 38 at the time). And honestly, in my own case I don't see how I'll ever recover from paying off my student loans, considering the age I'll be when I finally make that last payment (sometime around when I'm 52 or 53). It makes you wonder if you should pay at all, and there are certainly lots of people who try to skip out on payment altogether, quite a few in fact.

Politicians and university administrators need to realize, though, that interest rates are hardly the problem. It's the principal, stupid - college costs too much now, and giving out loans rather than grants and scholarships means that you're just going to graduate a mass of people who are in debt up to their eyeballs before they even have a wage-earning job somewhere. That's really just not a smart move for making a stable educated work force. As it is I'm honestly surprised that more people don't decide not to go to college at this point, because honestly, the amount of higher earnings you might be able to expect from a job that requires a college education is easily offset by the massive costs and debts required to get that education in the first place. It has gotten to the point, particularly in Ohio, where you're better off financially if you never get a college education at all.

Ohio Tuition 47% Above U.S. Norm
Report: Higher cost hasn't deterred students from getting degrees

COLUMBUS - Ohio's four-year public universities charge tuitions 47 percent above the national average, yet the higher expenses have not deterred more state students from getting bachelor's degrees, according to a report released yesterday.

The average annual tuition rate at an Ohio university is $8,553 - about $2,700 more than at counterparts nationwide, according to an annual report by the state Board of Regents. For every 100,000 Ohio residents, 497 received a college diploma in 2005, a figure that out-performed the rest of the country by a narrow 1.6 percent.

"I would love to see what kind of progress we could make if we could maintain the quality of our programs and get our tuition down to what is typical in the country," said Darrell Glenn, director of performance reporting for the Ohio Board of Regents and author of the 63-page annual profile.

A sense of higher education's status in Ohio can depend on which statistic is cited by the regents, an independent state agency with an uncertain future as the legislature weighs transferring its chancellor to a "cabinetlike" post under new Gov. Ted Strickland.

State appropriations are supposed to be tied to enrollment, but the growth in full-time enrollment at all state universities and community colleges to 351,634 in 2005 from 324,434 in 2001 didn't translate into more government funds.

Adjusted for inflation, state support per student fell 24 percent during that same time period to $3,738 from $4,921, a drop offset by tuition increases and financial aid.

Ohio's per-capita advantage in the number of students obtaining bachelor's degrees evaporates when it comes to graduate and professional degrees, which are awarded at the rate of 225 per 100,000 in Ohio compared to 243 per 100,000 nationwide. Mr. Glenn said a closer look of the numbers might explain the 7.4 percent gap in graduate degree attainment.

"You don't want to overproduce, because those are very expensive degrees," he said. "People really haven't looked at these numbers to form a policy view."

Governor Strickland will review the regents' report to help formulate his administration's higher education priorities, which will include better affordability and higher graduation rates, spokesman Keith Dailey said.

At a press conference yesterday, Mr. Strickland indicated that tuition increases are a primary concern. He applauded the University of Toledo's recent decision to freeze undergraduate tuition for the fall, 2007 semester, a move the Democratic governor discussed in advance with UT President Lloyd Jacobs.

"I shared with him my hope that that would perhaps be a model that other universities will try to follow," Mr. Strickland said.

Jim Provance of The Blade's Columbus bureau and the Associated Press contributed to this report

Posted at 12:56 AM

 

January 19, 2007

Sluggish. That's today's word. That's how I've felt all day; that's how things have progressed; that's how the snow fell over the course of the day - sluggish.

I tried to do some stuff on the internet - my connection was sluggish.

Yep, sluggish. That's what this day has been all about.

Posted at 9:26 PM

 

January 18, 2007

Inspiration is, once again, fleeting, and I felt like doing pretty much nothing today. I'm close to wrapping up my non-me, non-entertaining, tasks, and two or three more full days could finish those things off. But I'm massively burned out, and I just couldn't do it today. Maybe tomorrow I'll get a bunch of stuff done. Heck, even if I get anything done, that would be cool. I'm so close to finishing all of the things I wanted to do that each one knocked out leaves so so much less left. Still, I wish I hadn't been so burned out today. I really wanted to finish things off this weekend, or at least have everything done past the point where my further involvement is necessary. I guess as long as it's all done by the end of the month I can be satisfied. That's a month later than I'd originally hoped for, but it still would leave a fair amount of time to spend on more enjoyable endeavors.

Posted at 8:22 PM

 

January 17, 2007

Today I finally finished a massive new backup plan for all of my computer files - including my now extensive iTunes library and even files for a couple full earlier versions of the Mac operating system (OS 9 and OS 8). I have a backup system on a partitioned external hard drive that makes reinstalling stuff much easier whenever the need arises, and I have everything backed up to DVD in a way that would also be very easy to access or reinstall if and when necessary. I even made a full second set of DVD backups that I'll be giving to Steve to keep safe, just in case anything ever happens here that would destroy my files. This is undoubtedly the most extensive, failsafe, and easy-to-use backup system I've ever created, and it should be very easy to keep up-to-date.

I also worked with Agnes, the woman who comes every other week to clean for my grandma. She hasn't been here since before my grandma left over a month ago because I felt she should have extra time for family stuff around the holidays, but now I have her coming back so we can get some extensive cleaning done while my grandma's away: washing down walls, polishing all of the woodwork throughout the main floor, cleaning furniture, etc. We mad e a good dent today, and from the looks of it we should be able to see everything done that I'd like before my grandma returns. The house should be so clean and organized when she gets back that it could shock my grandma into wondering if she's in the wrong place. It should also leave her pretty darn happy.

There were a number of other, smaller things I finished up today, and I'm glad to be knocking out so much stuff, but I'm still disappointed that I have a good number of things left to do. MY hope now is to wrap things up by the end of the weekend. Then next week I can start some serious R&R. That's the plan. Let's sit back and see how much longer than that it really takes ...

Posted at 11:05 PM

 

January 16, 2007

The thrill is gone ...

Posted at 2:20 AM

 

January 15, 2007

It is once again Martin Luther King Day, and usually I would post the transcripts of one of the great man's speeches. Today however, thanks to the wonders of YouTube, I'm able to post Dr. King's greatest and most quoted speech. Even after 44 years the words "I have a dream" resonate with power and validity, and even after 44 years the struggle for all people to be seen as equal is still very much yet to be overcome. Watch, listen, and be inspired ==HERE==.

Posted at 1:36 AM

 

January 14, 2007

Today marks the start of the seventh year that this web site has been in existence. Maybe that seven means this will be a lucky year, who knows. In fact today is the 14th, which is two times seven, and of course it's the seventh full year into the new millennium. Coincidence? Well, who knows? I never paid much attention to how numerology is supposed to work ...

Anyhow, it is the start of year seven. Last year was, by leaps and bounds, the most boring year I have written about so far, and if you're still reading these Journals it is a testament to how dedicated you are (or how bored you are ... but let's hope for dedication). I can't say that my last week of posting has been all that exciting, really, so it's not like I'm ramping up to bigger and better things, but today is just the first day of this seventh year of operating this website, so let's wait a little bit and see what develops.

My hope is to finally see version 3 set of this website set up and running this year, and my hope is to see me posting with more interesting things and hopefully more creative things like some new poetry and such. I make no promises because I honestly have no idea how I'm going to get to the point of accomplishing either of those things, but I do hope for all of that. So sit tight, keep reading, and send me some good mojo to energize me into making this site better than it has been in a while. It would make all of us happier,I'm sure, and a little good mojo could certainly go a long way.

Posted at 1:00 AM

 

January 13, 2007

Sparkly!

Yes, I finally got everything on the second floor cleaned. It took most of the day, but it's all done. It's quite pleasant, really. I'd forgotten how comforting and pleasing it is to have everything clean and sparkly and new looking. Now that I have all of this cleaning and organizing done I can get to hiring various contractors to do various things around the house. That will do it for stuff with the house. I still have some projects for myself I want done, too, but those are either in the works or soon to be tackled and completed. It's looking very much like I might be able to rest and relax soon. Yea! It's taking far too long to get there, but the end seems near.

I watched Napoleon Dynamite tonight after I showered off the grime of my day's work. I missed about the first fifteen minutes, and maybe that would have been important, but I just wasn't as impressed by this movie as other people I know. I didn't dislike it - I even empathized and saw bits of my own geeky self in there in places - but I didn't feel enough from the whole thing to like it enough to ever care if I see it again. I think maybe it was a bit too close to reality for me. That sort of thing is always a let-down to me. Oh well.

Posted at 11:56 PM

 

January 12, 2007

I had planned for today to be all about cleaning. Now keep in mind that I've been honestly planning and expecting to clean the entire second floor, where I live, since even during the week before my grandma left to visit with my sister a month and a half ago. So you'd think I'd realize that something is always going to come up.

Today, prior to cleaning, I had a list of errands to run around town to get a bunch of loose ends tied up, and I hoped to have everything done in an hour or two and be back to get cleaning. Four hours later, starving since I'd skipped lunch, I got back to the house and unloaded things. Then I had lunch. Then I sat weakly on the couch for about fifteen minutes because I was way tired. By that time it was getting close to 5 PM, and I realized, as the sun was falling, that little to no cleaning would get done today.

On the plus side I did a lot in my errands around town. I also got a lot done once I got going after dinner as well, and a lot of things are now in place and working that will make things much nicer for me here. For example, I finally set up the AIrport Express WiFi in my living room (which mostly serves as a remote station for my base Airport Extreme station, so that I can extend my range past a wall that otherwise blocks the signal) and now my WiFi system has wireless iTunes so that I can play music files from my computer on my stereo, and I also set up my printer to work wirelessly as well from any computer in the house. I should have done it all a long time ago, and now that I have things should be that much easier.

So to recap - lots of good, necessary, and productive stuff got done ... but no cleaning, the original focus of the day. Overall I'm happy with it, but tomorrow clearly is all about cleaning. I want this stuff done once and for all. The n maybe some day I can relax.

Posted at 1:15 AM

 

January 11, 2007

I had thought that today would be sort of a restful day, not really a day of rest mind you but an easy-paced day without too much packed into it compared to the last few days of home-brewed labor. Sadly, the best laid plans of mice and men are inevitably doomed to failure.

Failure is probably too harsh a word, considering the day was largely a success and saw a great deal of things accomplished and knocked off of my "To Do" list, yet if the day was looked at in terms of its restfulness or ease then I would be deemed a miserable failure for sure.

Still, the basement is completely organized (finished yesterday) and also completely cleaned (as of today), sparkling on every surface and much better than before. Even the large walk-in shower (which is a pain in the ass to clean) is sparkling and clean. I also received the shipping box for my G3 Powerbook, and I followed the instructions to box up that laptop to send in for the needed repairs. Additionally, I reformatted, reinstalled, and reloaded everything I want and need onto my Titanium G4 Powerbook so that it not only runs without a hitch but so that it's ready to stand in as a replacement when I send in my G4 Aluminum Powerbook for repairs through the Apple Store. I also finished what I think is the final organization of the last areas in the house, and I took care of some billing problems and other small issues.

In the sense of relaxing I did manage to read the prologue and the first chapter of the Schismatrix, and while I enjoy reading, this book is a bit difficult to just jump right into due to its very foreign vocabulary and concepts. Steve lent the book to me and insisted I read it, so sadly it almost seems like a chore, but it is a science fiction book that he sees as one of the best he's ever read, so I plan to make the best of it and try to enjoy it. I'm afraid that reading it during and around the other things I was doing today wasn't exactly as enjoyable as it should have been, but next time I read from this book I plan to be much more focused just on reading and relaxing and absolutely nothing else. We'll see how successful I am with that later.

Posted at 1:02 AM

 

January 10, 2007

So just because I wrote yesterday about my thrilling adventures in domestic life, I was not unaware of the happenings on the West Coast, specifically the announcements at MacWorld Expo and the introduction of the iPhone. In fact, I was following along in realtime as MacRumors posted live updates throughout the keynote address, and from then until now I had and have a few varied impressions about things:

1) The AppleTV is cool, possibly cooler than the last preview, and I think it will be a great bridge for Apple into the movie download business, but had really been hoping to see more DVR/Tivo-like aspects added in by now, because that, with what the machine does indeed have, would make it the killer video device that could dominate the market. That was my biggest disappointment, but also I don't feel like there was anything new with the AppleTV, and I felt like it was made to seem like the bastard step-child to the iPhone. They didn't give it even close to equal billing, and even though the iPhone is revolutionary, that may be a mistake as far as the Apple TV is concerned.

2) Even though I'm disappointed that it completely upstaged the AppleTV, the iPhone is amazing. The various technologies incorporated into the device are very smooth and simple, elegant and sleek, and I agree with many analysts, at least in concept, that Apple has raised the bar on phone design phenomenally. The key issue is whether people will lay out $500 for an advanced phone. I agree that people who buy Blackberries and higher end PDAs and phones may well do so, but that's not a huge part of the market. The average person will shy away from paying that much, so I hope that Apple lowers the price within the first year or they may, in my opinion, doom the whole project. While I agree that the iPhone is way cool, I wouldn't buy one yet for a few reasons: a) I just bough a new Video iPod for only the slightest bit less cash, b) my new iPod has 80GB of storage space and is almost full - I have no idea how I'd choose which songs to keep in just 8GB, the max available on the top-end model, c) the battery life for the iPhone right now sucks. Five or six hours for a phone is really just horribly inconvenient, and I don't care if it does have three times that much battery life when used just as an mp3 player, the overall b battery life has to be better for it to be practical. Apple has to improve this dramatically before I'd even consider taking one at a huge discount, and finally d) I don't like Cingular, and I can only hope that Apple's deal with them is for an initial roll-out period after which they'll make the iPhone available to all carriers. That would be the smartest move, but I have my doubts as to whether they'll offer through anyone but Cingular ever. That could be a serious limitation on sales, but I fear that Steve Jobs will have made a lasting deal with Cingular for one reason or another.

3) Screw the Apple TV and iPhone. I want a new Airport Extreme base station and a new Airport Extreme Card for my PBG4Al. The new versions have 802.11n added to the 802.11a,b,h WiFi standard, and the "n" provides five times the speed, with twice the range of what came before. That rocks! I'd love to have that as soon as possible, but while my existing systems run fine there's no justifying the new purchase.

4) Among the barely-mentioned parts of the keynote speech, the addition of Paramount studios to the movie providers at the iTunes store is good, but it still seems like the momentum is building much more slowly for the movies than was the case with the music on iTunes. Hopefully more studios will buy in soon, because Apple could really make a great offering as a downloadable media source if they could make the movie offerings as wide-ranging as their music offerings.

I read a comment by a Macworld editor that this was the keynote for Macworld, and yet nothing was said about hardware, software, or the new OS for the entire Mac platform, even after an almost two hour speech. A few of the computers in the Mac line a due for upgrades, even if just speed bumps. Apple's software offerings, including iLife and iWork have much-anticipated upgrades with additional programs and features that should be available right now. Steve Jobs didn't even mention these, professional software apps such as Aperture, or even new third-party offerings by software companies that are providing new versions of their programs that are universal binary and in most cases more blindingly fast than anything before. In fact Steve didn't even say when the new version of OS X will be released, let alone show new features. WE're just supposed to continue to know the new OS will be out sometime around Spring 2007, whatever that means, and just have to suffer until then. In fact Steve Jobs' announcement about the whole shift from Apple Computer, Inc. to Apple, Inc. at the expo for the Mac computer is sort of a slam, really, and it's a bit disheartening in a way.

So I was impressed, pleased even, with the Expo and the spotlight item, the iPhone, but I'm taking a wait-and-see attitude on just about everything. AppleTV and iPhone have to prove to me that people will shell out the bucks, and Apple will have to, I guess, surprise me with other product announcements in (hopefully) the near future. I'd like to be optimistic, but I'm too much of a cynic to pull it off. As it is I'm still miffed that Apple has once again released a newer, better product just after I purchased the latest, greatest model that just preceded it. Damn my luck anyway.

Posted at 10:50 PM

 

January 9, 2007

IT took me half of the afternoon to push myself enough to get at it, but I put in about eight hours sorting, organizing, and putting away all of the stuff in the front room (the room on this floor I leave for guests). I had pulled everything out of my walk-in bedroom closet and the walk-in closet of the front room which I use for storage, planning to make things less cluttered, more logically paired up, and more accessible. It took me a while, but I'm rather pleased with the results. Things are taking up much less room and are far better arrayed. It was well worth it, even if I am really whipped from the effort. Heck, I didn't even eat dinner until 10:30!

So now this floor and all of my stuff is organized. That's a positive step in the right direction. Tomorrow I plan to sort out the basement. I've already done quite a bit of work in the basement in the past, but this should be the final excursion, and things should be much better by the time I'm done. I'm also hoping to sort through the last two closets on the ground floor, but we'll have to see how smoothly things go in the basement. One step at a time, right?

It would be nice if I could wrap this phase of things up tomorrow, but it may well take two days to get it knocked out. Heck, with my track record it could take twice that, but I'm still shooting for two days or less. Once that's all done I can finally get to some solid cleaning and get things really looking and feeling neat and clean and perfect. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I'll have all of this stuff wrapped up. Then it's on to other things.

For now, though, I think I'll fall asleep pretty fast, not long after I lay down to watch TV in bed, I'll wager. So that's it for today. Let's hope tomorrow is at least as productive.

Posted at 12:28 AM

 

January 8, 2007

I slogged through one task after another today: picking up the held mail from the post office; looking through all of the mail and processing and paying and filing everything; picking up my microwave from the repair shop and setting it up; making a few phone calls to resolve billing and services questions for my grandma; doing all of my taxes; making arrangements to get my Powerbook G3 repaired; and more and more and more. I just wrapped up the last of that a few minutes ago, so it's been a full day of little tasks, but that's okay - each of these little things that gets knocked out is one less thing left to do tomorrow and thereafter.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to be inspired enough to do some more sorting and organizing of stuff in the house. A few more days of that kind of work should get me to where I want to be this year, and it would honestly leave me with all but a few very select areas having been organized and filed and emptied of unnecessary trash. I look forward to getting that stuff done, but I don't look forward to doing it, so hopefully I'll be able to keep myself inspired, because I'd like all of the organizing done so I can more onward to deep cleaning, and once the deep cleaning's done, I have some deep resting and relaxing planned. It's a worthwhile goal, but it seems so far away ...

Posted at 11:43 PM

 

January 7, 2007

Although I woke up a number of times last night and had to spend a while going back to sleep just about every time, I got close to nine hours overall, I think, and that helped balance me out a bit. IT gave me a bit of a late start, but I had no where that I had to be, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

I did have an agenda set for the day, with some work on my old laptop planned, all in the hopes of getting it working as a backup while I send in my regular Powerbook. The various phases of that project took all day. There were ups and downs throughout the process, and as the night got later I was feeling like I had things under control and just about set right so that I could drive to the Apple Store tomorrow to send in the other machine for repair. Then, about an hour ago, I found myself unable to get the damned thing to boot up, and after spending an hour to try and retry things, I've given up and realize that I'm going to have to start from scratch, so the better part of my day today was a complete waste.

Fortunately I did more than work on that laptop. I sewed some loose areas on my coat, washed a couple loads of laundry, watched some enjoyable TV, and read a number of new story chapters on the net. I even found a place that will do repairs on my G3 Powerbook (the oldest of my three laptops), and that gives me hope that I might be able to make that one usable once again. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day, and even without going to the Apple Store, as now will clearly be the case, it will still be quite full.

Here I am rolling into the morning hours, though, and I'm exhausted but not sleepy (if that makes sense). I want to go to sleep, but I'm too wired right now to do it. I hope that changes fast. The last thing I want is to be up all night.

Posted at 2:10 AM

 

January 6, 2007

Chris and I were up fairly early today considering out evening out again last night. I was up around 9 AM and had already done my morning surf of the internet and showered and packed by 11 AM. Chris was up around 9:30 and spent his morning surfing the net and copying more files to his new harddrive. He took his shower and cleaned up well after me, but we were ready to go completely by a bit after 12:30. Dave had mentioned last night that he's like to go to lunch with us but that he had work to do at his office up until about 1 PM (Dave is co-owner of his own photography studio), so we called Dave just before 1 PM and made plans to meet at Qdoba for our lunch.

I'd never been to Qdoba and was quite impressed with the bright, clean atmosphere and I was amazed at the size of the burritos. The food was really very, very good, and Chris and Dave and I talked about a whole range of topics over lunch and as we sat there afterward. As has been the case so many times while I've been on this visit to Lafayette, I felt completely welcome and an accepted part of the group, and that has really made me feel great during this trip because I get that so little from anyplace except my regular visits to see Mark, Steffen, and Steve. Today was just as comfortable and open as if I lived in Lafayette and wasn't just a once-a-year visitor. That says a lot about how great these people are, and that's why I keep coming back time and time again.

But all good things must come to an end, and I made the decision yesterday that I should leave today after lunch. I had originally planned to stay until tomorrow, Sunday, after lunch, but the more I've thought about it the more I realize that Chris would be left with less than half a day to sort through things and do everything he needs to get done and gathered together before classes start on Monday. One extra day should give him a whole lot more time and a more relaxed time getting ready. I felt like I could stay forever during my visit, but Chris has a very active life, and I want my visit to have been a treat and not a complication.

The drive back was pretty straightforward and boring. The trip to Lafayette was nicer because I left earlier and was able to watch the scenery as I went along. This time it was completely dark before I was even half way back to Sandusky, and driving a straight road with no visible scenery is just simply as boring as can be. I swung by Quizno's for a quick dinner just before they closed, and I made it back to the house with my carryout bags before 9 PM. After eating and unloading and unpacking and checking that the house is okay, I'm now feeling the day catching up to me and I'm feeling tired. I'm back, though, and I'm recharged very well. Now let's see what I can get done.

Posted at 11:47 PM

 

January 5, 2007

Since last night ran well into this morning, and since Chris's roommate was back at the apartment (the roommate whom you may recall was supposed to be moving out and who has been living with his girlfriend for months in another apartment ... at least until they fought last night and he came back here to sleep ... with a friend of his who slept on the couch), and since Chris's friend Mihn He (who was upset about what to do with college and a variety of things) wanted to come sleep with Chris so she wouldn't have to be alone, it was pretty clear before I laid my head down and tried to get to sleep just before 3 AM that we wouldn't probably be getting up very early at all, and our planned day in Chicago would probably not be quite as extensive as we'd originally contemplated. So come this morning, when I got up around 9:30 AM, I just decided to clean up and shower and then just relax and see how things played out.

As it happened, Chris's roommate Michael and Michael's friend Joe both got up and left while I was in the shower, and Chris woke up a few minutes later and Mihn He woke not long after that and, after a talk with Chris in private, she headed out as well. Still, even though we were up fairly early and everybody else had cleared out, Chris wasn't cleaned up and ready to go until after Noon, and he was hesitant to make the trip up to Chicago with a late start. We even contemplated a trip to Indianapolis instead, but while I didn't rule that out, I made clear to Chris that I was here to visit him and not to go to Chicago or Indy. We could still do a lot around town that would be fun, and a few of the places we had wanted to go to in Chicago could be covered to some extent by alternatives here.

First up was lunch. For the past couple of days we had talked, with drooling gapes, about eating at Soul Vegetarian in Chicago. That may well have been the biggest loss of not going, but I think we compensated admirably by going to Khana Khazana, an Indian restaurant here that has an absolutely fabulous all-you-can-eat buffet full of all varieties of sumptuous fare. We pretty well gorged ourselves there and were more than happy with the results. It's really the best Indian food I've ever had anywhere, and I say that without reservation every year.

Following that we headed to Office Depot and then Best Buy, determined to find a decent, large, and affordable external hard drive for Chris, something I'd been pushing since I arrived. We found a great Seagate drive that is 400 GB, Firewire, fast, easy set-up with back-up software, and a great price. Chris was really very, very pleased with that new toy. We goofed around Best Buy for quite a while, looking at computer peripherals and DVDs and pointing things out to each other, asking each other if we'd "seen this" or if we "remembered this". It was just a casual shopping venture, really, but it was fun. After the late night last night, too, I think the simple day was just the right way to go.

Next door to Best Buy is the Barnes & Noble, and Chris had a $10 gift card left from Christmas to spend, so we walked over and spent quite a bit of time there browsing. Chris found a few books he liked and narrowed it down to one. I found a few books I hadn't known existed, and I ended up buying a book of collective Irish folklore by none other than William Butler Yeats. It's a huge book, and at $5.95, it seemed like a steal. It should be a great addition to my already large collection of folklore and mythology that I've been gathering. This was a good find indeed.

We headed back to the apartment after that and spent time just goofing off, setting up Chris' new harddrive, sharing some files and websites, and doing our own things for a bit. BY 10 PM, however, we'd been saying for almost the past hour that we should get something to eat, even though neither of us was really hungry after of big lunch. So we headed out to Hunter's Down Under, a pub and restaurant that (in this location) is a rathskellar. It was pretty cool, and the food was wonderful (even though it seemed as though everything was deep fried or close to it). We ended up staying here quite a while while Chris saw more and more friends and acquaintances come to drink. Chris joined in to the drinking, and except for a couple hour excursion to drink and visit with more of his friends at Chumley's (another bar), we were at Hunter's until after 2 AM when Dave (whom I was driving home as well) made a push to finally leave.

After dropping Dave off we're back at the apartment, both tired. Chris has actually fallen asleep in his chair in front of his computer, and I'll wake him to go to bed as soon as I'm done with this. I'm tired, too, but I just wanted to wrap this up. Tomorrow's my last day, and while I've had all sorts of fun and loved my shared time with Chris, I can't say that I'll miss the bar scene at all. This simply isn't something I ever really grew to find any enjoyment from, and I don't imagine at this point that that will ever change. Oh well ...

Posted at 3:20 AM

 

January 4, 2007

Today started groggy, with Chris' phone ringing around 8 AM and both he and I trying to turn off his alarm. Once we realized it was the phone, we were both half way awake and stumbled around from there, spending sort of a lazy morning surfing the net, making some calls, and bullshitting. By Noon we were ready to go, however, and we grabbed all of Chris' overflowing recycling bins to dump at the recycling center, then we headed to a much-desired lunch at Arni's "Loading Dock", a section of the restaurant I'd never eaten in or even seen before. The atmosphere was different but cool, and the food was, as always, yummy and filling (broccoli pizza (very thin pizza) and a Junior Salad (which is a huge bowl of salad filled with diced everything), ... oh, and awesome garlic cheese bread just smothered in cheese. Mmmm!!!)

After lunch we headed over to the University Inn to drop off Chris' sister's car seat, which she'd forgotten and left in Chris' car yesterday when he drove her and his niece to the hospital. We had a quick chat with his sister and his mom (they work in the same office at the hotel), and then got on our way to running some errands (mostly just at Staples), and then checked the movie schedule and decided on a movie and time before heading back to the apartment to hang out until the movie was playing.

About an hour later we took in Eragon, a strange mix of very good special effects and locations and cinematography and sometimes very bad makeup. Some acting was quite good while some (notably John Malkovich, whom I usually like) feeling like the actors had no interest in the part whatsoever. The story seemed at times to drag along and at times to jump over things too quickly, suggesting that more was happening off screen but just passing over it too quickly for that to have any solid impact (the major battle screen particularly fits this bill, where hundreds, maybe thousands of bad guy creatures are pouring across the landscape into the stronghold). Overall it was a good movie, and since we only paid $5 each it was great, really. I haven't read the book, but regardless of its pacing and storyline, I think the failings of the movie are the movie's alone and not the book's. Even if the pacing in the book seemed slow, there's no reason that the movie couldn't have accounted for that and made the pace flow better. Still, I get to the actual movie theatre so rarely that I shouldn't complain, The big-screen experience itself is worth the price of admission alone most every time.

From there we headed out to En Lai Chinese Kitchen, Chris' local favorite or Chinese cuisine, and after a quick, light meal there we headed to Papa Bud's Pub for what apparently is a weekly karaoke night. Chris has, for years, been a huge karaoke fan. He's always been very uninhibited, crazy, open, and he's always loved music, and for him to have the ability to sing and play air guitar and goof off in front of people is a huge rush for him. We just heard about this Papa Bud's karaoke Tuesday night, and Chris was excited because all of the other regular karaoke has been dead in the water for the past few months. So we got there and Chris was even more outrageous than ever. He was all over the place, doing the robot as he sang Devo's "Whip It" or jumping around as he sang a punk song. He had the entire crowd of that bar loving him like a long-lost friend by the time he left, and I do not exaggerate when I say that. The owner of the bar gave him three free beers over the course of the night, gave him a gift certificate for a free 2-topping pizza at the adjoining Papa Bud's Pizza, and begged him to come back every week for the karaoke night because she thought that Chris' energy was just all-out fun (and she's quite right). So when we left at 2 AM, Chris had to almost struggle to get out as people wanted to hug him or shake his hand or compliment him on how well he'd done. It was quite an experience.

Spending time with Chris in Lafayette is always amazing. He's lived most of his life here, and between his openness and exuberance and with his involvement in so many different and disparate interests, he knows people all over the place in all circles, and he runs into people he knows simply everywhere. No one is a better example of the 'six degrees of separation' rule than Chris, and within Lafayette he usually knows someone with only three or even two degrees of separation (and often one degree). Every time he has some new outing like this night at Papa Bud's he expands his circle of exposure, and I tell you, if he had the desire in him to do so, he could easily run for mayor and win on popularity and drive alone. I'm nothing like him in this sense, having always been reserved around people and always nervous about how I come across, and I am simply awed by Chris every minute when I see him in action. He's always interesting to be around, and when he's not being downright entertaining he's sharing something very intellectually interesting or very funny or very heartfelt. He lives life with his emotions full bore, and it's an amazing thing to see. You simply have to love him - there's no other way to be.

Posted at 2:42 AM

 

January 3, 2007

I got up early today to make an appointment with my dentist. He took care of me completely by himself today with no hygienist. I didn't mind at all, since we get along well and always chat a bit, but it was different. Usually one of his hygienists does all of the initial checking and cleaning and x-rays, and then Dr. Paul (he has a partnership with his brother Dr. Craig Challgren) follows up and looks things over and pokes here and there. So today I felt like I was getting personal attention, and that was nice. Plus - no cavities.

Chris received word early in the day that his grandmother had had a heart attack and was in ICU at the hospital without hope of long survival. His mother and sister wanted them all to go together at 6 PM (after they both got off of work) and visit and see what was happening. In the meantime, Chris had errands to run on campus, so we headed out for lunch a little after noon at Sgt. Preston's (one of my personal local favorite eateries) and then drove over to campus to go from one office to the next to get some things straightened out before the new semester starts next week.

After that we spent a couple of hours back at the apartment just bullshitting and surfing the web on each of our laptops. Chris eventually headed out to join up with his family (and the news is rather unclear - his grandmother's regular doctor believes she will make a full recovery, but all of the hospital specialists think she is on borrowed time. All agree that she has congestive heart failure, yet she has improved enough to be moved out of ICU. Really it just seems like a waiting game now, which really won't be pleasant. As an added note, Chris has been rather stoic about al of this, much like I am when people die or are near death, and I'm not sure if that means he handles such things as I do or if he is just distant from this grandma. She's 91, and he feels she had a good, long life, and I'm sure that's true, but I'm used to people other than me being more disturbed by death, so this seems unusual).

While Chris was gone I surfed a little online, listened to some of his CDs, cleaned his kitchen, eventually went out to buy some Wendy's for dinner, and finally settled in to watching season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVDs he got from Netflix. Chris came back after the first episode of the season, and we watched the next three together before calling it a night. Once again it was a good day, simple and relaxed but enjoyable. I continue to feel very welcome, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

Posted at 12:37 AM

 

January 2, 2007

Day 1 of my little, delayed "vacation" has started well for the most part. The driving itself was both good and bad. On the good side, the weather was clear and sunny, even warm from the sunlight, and the cirrus clouds were absolutely magical, like spun glass stretched thin here and there, glistening in the sunlight. The reds and purples, mixing with the lavender shades of blue at sunset were a simply spectacular vision of perfect winter sky. The colors suggest clear weather tomorrow, but it would have been absolutely beautiful nonetheless even if that weren't true.

On the down side, I continue to hate driving this particular car. It's uncomfortable to sit in for any amount of time due to the seat design, and I've had weird, quirky things happening like I'll be driving along and my windshield wipers will activate and run once across the windshield. On my last trip back from Toledo this happened six times, three of the times with more than one swipe before I touched the wiper arm and turned it off. This happened once again on this trip, about five hours in, and I have to wonder what's up. The weird wiper thing has happened in the past, quite infrequently, only one swipe in many months, and I'd chalk it up to me accidentally hitting the little wiper control arm by accident, but I always wondered. Now I know for sure that it just does it by itself, and I wonder what weird electrical problems are lurking in my future with this car. I also get horrible gas mileage in this car; the handling isn't so great; I have weird tire pressure issues that defie logic; and even after putting in over a thousand dollars into the stereo system, the music sounds crappy because the acoustics of the car are for shit. So driving, once one of my greatest pleasures, is just a chore now, and I hate that. Add to that the fact that there were a lot of people on the road today, the day after New Year's, and a lot of cops, and the fact that I was thinking it would take me four and half hours to get to Lafayette, but that was my usual time from Toledo. Sandusky added another hour and a quarter to the total. And I didn't gain an hour like I thought I might because Indiana finally has gone to observing Daylight Savings Time, and Lafayette is now on my same time, Eastern, just like when I left Sandusky.

So after a long drive I was much later than expected. I got in about 7 PM and Chris and I grabbed dinner at this fantastic authentic Mexican restaurant that's here, and we talked and talked about all sorts of stuff. We happened into two of Chris' friends at the restaurant and they invited us to join them for a get-together afterward. The plan was to drink and play Apples to Apples. Amusingly enough, I had just bought this game and the expansion for my niece, Christa, for Christmas, because she was obsessing about having it, and even after buying it I still had no idea what was involved in playing, so I looked forward to being enlightened. The drinking I could have done without, but I long ago accepted that I'd have to become a total hermit if I defiantly refused to spend time with anyone while they were drinking.

The game was fun, although it took me a bit to catch on to how it was played. Chris won the five-point goal we had set, and then we adjourned to the living room to chat (and drink). I, of course, drank nothing, but Chris has three glasses of champagne and two beers, this after two beers with dinner, and I was amazed that he held them so well considering he is pretty trim and all. But he has come, in the past couple of years, to drink quite a bit quite regularly (still a strange thing considering he was straight-edge for most of his life prior to that), and it's an odd change to get used to. Strangely he's no more or less inhibited when tipsy that when sober, so he's still the crazy, open guy that I've loved and admired, and it sounds like he's gotten past the complete overindulgence phase of drinking and doesn't drink until he pukes anymore (passes out: yes; pukes: no).

So it was an interesting evening. I didn't know any of these people but Chris, and I was certainly at the periphery of all conversation, but they made me feel welcome and comfortable. I had a few moments where I really felt out of place because they were drinking, they had all of these shared stories about shared friends, they were all younger than me (by eight or ten years), they were all much more fit than me (which is far from uncommon), and they were all much better dressed than me, even though none of them were dressed up (although Chris was quite snazzy in an argyle sweater, pressed shirt, and sport coat). But I feel like I don't fit in with other people almost invariably anymore as I get older, poorer and more out of shape, so this wasn't really all that different except that I haven't been out with people other than Steve and Mark and Steffen for so long that I'd almost forgotten the feeling. It was probably better for me than I even realize since I've become so insulated from strangers in the past few years, and my already shy and reclusive nature is being reinforced far too much. The last thing I need is to become a total recluse in my obsessive compulsive, anal-retentive, cynical, untrusting mindset. If that happens I have no idea how I'd ever deal with eventually going back into the workforce. Heck, I already have my concerns now about how difficult it will be for me to reacclimate to a formal work role, and I don't look forward to that day.

Enough of that stuff, though. I'm here for a break from all of that, and so far Chris has given me the feeling of not only being welcome but wanted, and that's worth more than I can say, certainly worth a less-than-perfect day-long-drive and such. The next few days should be nice, and I'm looking forward to each one.

Posted at 1:10 AM

 

January 1, 2007

::Breathe::

Posted at 10:30 PM

 


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Journal, by Paul Cales, © January 2007