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August 2012

 

bullet August 31, 2012

I have an odd pain in my left arm. It's not terribly painful and it's not constant. I know that some times a sign of a heart attack is pains in the legs or arms, but I'm pretty sure this isn't that. I also wonder if this is connected to the occasional pains I get from my left wrist when I move it somehow in a wrong way. Itt's odd and disconcerting more than anything else, and it's times like this I wish I had health insurance or money (or both, really).

This pain started fairly shortly after I got out of bed and has reoccurred since then until now, again not constantly but recurring randomly every few minutes or so. Clearly something's not right, but I have no idea what is wrong and no way to affordably check it out.

Frustrating.

Posted at 10:18 AM
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bullet August 30, 2012

I'm getting frustrated and it's making me quick to anger. I hate being like this.

Posted at 1:09 PM
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bullet August 29, 2012

What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenberg?

One's a flaming gas bag and the other's a dirigible.

Posted at 10:27 AM
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bullet August 28, 2012

For a guy with no job I sure end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get things done, and even with that frantic pace I still never seem to have enough time in the day to sit back and relax properly. Something is very wrong with this.

Posted at 11:26 AM
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bullet August 27, 2012

I'm getting bitter from this fruitless job search. I am willing and able to work - I want to work - but nobody will even call me for an interview.

I am well aware that we're in a recession, but when I'm out running errands I see buildings full of active businesses, selling things and keeping full hours. These same businesses employed the entire town just a few years ago, and they seem to be just as active now as they were then. I also know that I stand in line a lot longer and often get service and/or products that are sub-par, thrown together quickly. I only blame the workers so far because it's obvious they are being made to do the work of three or more people and not complain about it lest they get fired and find themselves unemployed and hopelessly looking for a job just like me. I do blame the business owners who clearly are setting extra profit above customer service and customer satisfaction and certainly above any concerns for treating your employees well.

This is the kind of world we live in now, a cut-throat, each-for-himself, selfish, greedy fiefdom dominated by greedy, wealthy business owners. I may be the one to suffer now along with millions of others desperate for work, but the tables will turn. At some point, even if the workers never rise up and demand better - at some point it will change, and when it does I hope not a single worker forgets what the big businesses have done. I hope the workforce gets recompense and retribution. It's just a matter of time.

Posted at 10:16 AM
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bullet August 26, 2012

The world has lost another great man, a gentle, kind man who was humble in the face of having accomplished what no other man could claim. Rest in peace, Neil Armstrong. You will never be forgotten.

Posted at 9:51 AM
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bullet August 25, 2012

Wanting a purpose-driven life and being able to fulfill such a purpose are worlds and universes apart.

Posted at 12:05 PM
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bullet August 24, 2012

Oh goodie! Let's up the pressure on my so-far fruitless job hunt.What's the pressure of being homeless next year when considering all the other pressures of my current situation? Come on folks! Keep piling it on so I can finally snap and kill myself.

Posted at 10:34 AM
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bullet August 23, 2012

Who knows what lurks in the hearts if men ...

Posted at 9:42 AM
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bullet August 22, 2012

I wish Karl were still alive to see this.

Posted at 11:00 AM
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bullet August 21, 2012

Well then ...

Posted at 9:57 AM
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bullet August 20, 2012

I should get a refund. This life is not at all what was advertised,

Posted at 10:42 AM
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bullet August 19, 2012

I spent over forty bucks on these wrist braces to try to give my wrist a chance to heal, but it honestly seems like my wrist is getting rapidly worse from the wrist braces than it was when I just went about life normally and had the occasional twinge of pain when I made a move that was somehow 'wrong'. I'm not sure if I should keep using these wrist braces or not, but I'm leaning toward not.

Posted at 9:59 AM
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bullet August 18, 2012

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone got exactly what they deserved.

Posted at 10:20 AM
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bullet August 17, 2012

My mom's dog, Maggie May, died yesterday from pneumonia. She grew sick only a couple days earlier, and although she was actually being treated at the vet's office at the time, she didn't survive. My mother is very distraught, and I can understand. She has treated Maggie like her third child, and her death under any circumstances would have been very upsetting, but in this situation, with no expectation of such a thing, it has really hurt my mom.

We are a stoic bunch for the most part, my family. My grandma and myself most notably, but my mother and sister as well. Even my niece and nephew, as they've grown older, have become similarly stoic at the loss of loved ones. It's not that we're unaffected by any measure, but we are very restrained usually in outward displays.

In this case my mother was not that way. The sudden nature of everything, lack of sleep from carin g for Maggie the night before, and worry about Maggie for the last few days broke down that normal stoicism, and my mother sobbed as she told me the news over the phone. I wish there were something - anything - I could do for her. I hate to see anyone so distraught, and I know this pain and loss will take a long time for my mother to heal.

Posted at 10:13 AM
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bullet August 16, 2012

Being a dreamer yet having no dreams come true is very depressing.

Posted at 9:54 AM
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bullet August 15, 2012

Harry Harrison, writer of a huge number of humorous science-fiction novels and short stories, died today. His Stainless Steel Rat series alone would have made him famous, and I loved them all.

Rest peacefully, Harry. I am so grateful for what you gave me.

Posted at 9:42 AM
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bullet August 14, 2012

Dreary day.

Posted at 10:13 AM
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bullet August 13, 2012

Oh my! It's Monday the 13th!

Does that mean today will be unlucky, opposite of a Friday the 13th? Or does it mean it will just be another crappy Monday? Probably just another crappy Monday.

Posted at 10:20 AM
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bullet August 12, 2012

So Romney added Paul Ryan as his Vice-President. That's great as it simplifies things. Now you have the choice of voting for the worst two evils rather than just the worst of two evils.

Posted at 10:27 AM
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bullet August 11, 2012

It just occurred to me that the Great Depression is an oxymoron. Seriously, what in any way was 'great' about the Depression. The 'Big' Depression, yes; the 'Disastrous' Depression, yes; even the 'Crushing' Depression - but nothing about being in a depression is great.

And contrary to what politicians will tell you, there is a depression going on, not just a recession. With this much unemployment, this much wage disparity, this much budget deficit, and this low of a GDP, there is no question this is a full depression. If somebody would have the courage to admit that then maybe we'd be able to face full reality and do more than claim 'is is getting better,' and 'it will get better.'

Face reality and make some damn jobs! We need repaired or replaced bridges, road, and schools. We have multiple reasons to create a nation-wide high-speed rail system (like all of the world has but us). The oil pipeline from Alaska is in horrible shape and should be replaced. There's a hug e need for more policemen and firemen since cities everywhere are laying them off because they can't make ends meet. We could and should be building solar farms and wind farms everywhere; we could be building more hydro-electric damns; we could be tapping geothermal heat at hot springs and volcanoes. We could be rebuilding the sand bars and surf breaks that were washed away by hurricanes during the past ten years, endangering the entire south coast of the country to rapid erosion.

We have more jobs that need to be done than we could ever fill even with every unemployed person in the country - jobs that would make and repair things that desperately are needed now and for our future - and there is no reason not to make it happen. Being worried that it might be politically dangerous is not a reason - it's an excuse.Grow a backbone and do what you were elected to do - serve your constituents, protect the interests of this country, and make us prosper. The ways to do so are in that simple paragraph above. Just do it.

Posted at 10:49 AM
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bullet August 10, 2012

<Sigh>

Posted at 11:16 AM
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bullet August 9, 2012

No man is an island.

It takes a village to raise a child.

One for all and all for one.

Love thy neighbor as thy loves thyself.

There is no I in team.

... and yet here I am - alone, somehow expected to wave my hands and make everything happen by the sheer power of my will and nothing else.

Right.

Posted at 2:25 PM
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bullet August 8, 2012

I am an idiot.

Posted at 10:33 AM
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bullet August 7, 2012

This job market is depressing.

Posted at 10:39 AM
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bullet August 6, 2012

Nothing to say today. Okay?

Posted at 12:20 PM
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bullet August 5, 2012

Happy 17th birthday, Hunter! Enjoy this last year of your childhood.

Posted at 10:16 AM
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bullet August 4, 2012

Lost.

Posted at 10:14 AM
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bullet August 3, 2012

Oh boy! August 3rd and the world still sucks!

Posted at 10:03 AM
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bullet August 2, 2012

Depression is starting to creep back in and try to overtake me. Barely a week of a manic episode and already that energy and drive is fading and now I'm getting sad, hopeless, and frustrated again. The continued poor job search doesn't help, and some new information about the stark, disappointing realities of what might have been a possible fall-back for me took away what last bit of security I had.

I truly want to keep up this diet and exercise routine - even though it's leaving me tired, achy, and starving to death - because I would like to be back to a more trim weight, and I'd really like to keep positive about a job search because there simply is no other option for my future. But I'll be honest. This all appears very hopeless.

I have no idea how to keep up my spirits in the face of everything.

Posted at 10:15 AM
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bullet August 1, 2012

A new month begins and hopefully it will be a luckier and more positive month. Good steps forward for me (and those I love) would be great and are long overdue.

Posted at 3:37 PM

 


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Journal, by Paul Cales, © August 2012