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Abnegation

 

so cold so dark

you are everywhere
beautiful and intelligent
smiling, joking, carefree, and hopeful
you have everything
can be everything
can see a future
you don't know pain
don't know years of solitude
haven't been destroyed by love
haven't been betrayed or abused or used
you still trust
still believe in yourself and others
still think that bad things don't happen to good people
you may never grow to hate living
we can only hope

nothing here –
no warmth, no compassion, no comfort
no one to hold, no one to feel, no one to care
empty
a void filled with ghosts and phantoms of the past and future
specters of pain and fear, illusions of hope and joy

the future seems already to be written
fate is a fickle friend
and the gods are sadistic

so cold so alone
exist to die

 


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Abnegation, by Paul Cales, © April 2003