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October 2002

October 31, 2002

Well after a busy, crazy, nothing-works-the-way-you-expect-or-as-fast-as-you-expect day, I can finally get ready to sleep for a few hours before another busy day tomorrow.

Although I still have tons of work to do on my editing project (including a few hours' worth which didn't work out as expected today), that isn't what consumed so much time and effort. INstead, it all revolves around what's behind curtain number one ... "Tell him what he's won, Johnny!" ... "It's ... a new car!"

Well, it's not really new. It's actually a '98, but it only has 14,000 miles, and it has been babied and well cared for. I should know; my grandmother always takes great care of her cars. Yes, I now have my grandmother's old car. She was persuaded (bullied by my parents) into not driving any more, and she decided to give me her car rather than selling it. Believe it or not, I had to think about if for a while. Nothing like this is ever as simple as it seems in my family, and I found out that my parents expected me to turn over everything I made from the sale of my current car (my Eagle Talon), and they were already talking about how this newer car would save me from having no car when the Talon soon falls apart. Let's begin by disabusing you of the idea that my Talon is in any imminent danger of 'falling apart' or even being anything less than spiffy and fast and in great shape. But let's also look at the idea of a "gift" and then consider requiring payment for it (from the sale of your old car). It's just not quite right. I also still have a very sore spot from buying the Talon and the ... hmmm ... let's call it the "interaction" I had with my parents regarding purchasing that car. In my opinion, after you turn thirty you are allowed to make your own choices and can tell people to go fuck themselves when they try to make you feel guilty or obligated for any decision you make in your life regardless of how you choose to handle things.

So I had severe trepidation about getting into another unpleasant situation. My grandmother wouldn't be anything but sweet and generous, but my parents would drive me insane for years about the car. After a long period of thought and a few talks with friends, I decided to accept the offer, but I made very clear that it would be taken "as a gift, in the spirit of a gift," and I would not be paying for it (since I can't afford to) and I won't accept any grief in any way shape or form. The results of that last part are left to be seen, but we'll deal with it when (and I am sure there will indeed be a when, not an if) it comes up.

In the meantime, I have prepped the Talon for sale, and we'll just have to see how successful that process may be. I have invariably been screwed into practically giving away ever car I have ever sold, and I refuse to be taken this time. It may take a while, but I am determined to get a decent price for the Talon. With that said, however, I hope it sells fast because paying insurance on two cars at once is expensive!

The new car is pretty much loaded and does have a more powerful engine than the Talon, but I am already feeling withdrawal from having to give up a stick shift for an automatic. It just looses a whole fun aspect of driving that I've enjoyed for ten years. But that's one of the sacrifices I have to make.

Meanwhile, I have tons of work for school, and this car stuff still will be sucking time out of me over the next week or so until everything is all set up properly. But right now I'm just tired. Really tired.

Mmmmm ... sleeeep ...

Posted at 1:27 AM

October 30, 2002

In case you're interested, I'm still achy (and stiff (but not in the good way)). I am also getting more tired out.

On the positive side, however, I was offered an extension on the editing project that is due Friday. Getting it done by Friday morning, around everything else I need to do in the next day and a half, was going to be very pressed and was clearly going to mean skipping a fair amount of sleep on Thursday night. As bad as that looked, I was prepared to plug away at it. Then, this morning, I found out that since I had gathered information from an employee of the group whose document I'm editing, I need to create a formal document detailing the interview to use as a formal source document. Ugh! The moment I found that out, I started getting a bit more anxious about time constraints. Sheila, my professor, told me I could have an extension until Monday considering I had just found out about the additional document, but I said a polite "no, thank you." I have never asked for an extension on any project before in school, and I never thought that I would, but by the end of the day I had accomplished less between classes on the whole project than I had expected, and I was getting more and more stressed. By the time I got out of my last class at 7:30, I found a phone and called Sheila's office to ask for the extension after all. I drove back to Toledo, had dinner, and worked on things for a few hours more. I was (and am) exhausted, but then I got an e.mail from Sheila in response to my message, and she okayed the extension. That alleviated a lot of stress.

I still have a lot of work to do on the project, and tomorrow is going to be quite convoluted with other tasks that can't be rescheduled, but I will still be working hard to get as much of the project completed by Friday morning as possible. The extension 'til Monday will allow me to finish up the loose ends that aren't ready by class-time, but more importantly it will allow me time to review and revise all aspects of the project to make everything more clear and concise and to check for any mistakes (on one early editing project, I had unintentionally left two periods at the end of a sentence in the cover memo for the project, and that cost me three points from the thirty points for the whole project. So details definitely count). All of these editing projects are just such a tremendous amount of work that it defies imagination.

But at least now I have 'til Monday, and with being achy and stiff and tired (and sniffly on the borders of a cold), I am quite glad to not have to spend an all-nighter or two to get things pulled together. It's a definite plus.

Posted at 12:17 AM

October 29, 2002

Yech. I'm achy.

I spent more hours than I care to think about involved in scrubbing and cleaning my car inside and out. Why? Well, that's my little secret for a couple of days, but rest assured that I'll keep you informed very soon. The important thing is that I am definitely getting more and more out of shape, and scrubbing every crevice of your car for nearly five hours in temperatures that never got above the low forties has definitely left me stiff and sore (hot showers are always a great thing, but it wasn't enough to solve this problem).

I've been doing all sorts of tasks (including the car cleaning) for the past few days, and classwork hasn't been put aside either. Instead, I seem to be giving up any ability to do things at a reasonable pace and have given up a vast amount of my relaxation and sanity time (less sleep, less time to keep up with web news, no time to respond to e.mails, no time to do lots of stuff). I did put in a lot of time on my big editing project today (which is due Friday), but I'm getting concerned about the amount of work still remaining to be done. We'll see how I do tomorrow, but I need to get a hell of a lot done ...

After all of my exertions today, both physical and mental, I had the absolutely wonderful gift of the season premiere of 24 on FOX (for a whole hour without commercial interruption). You may recall that I was a huge fan of 24 last year. The whole concept of a real-time television drama that plays out over a 24-hour period in weekly one hour portions was somewhat revolutionary in its own right, but the writing, story concept, cinematography, acting, and real-world accuracy and believability were simply amazing. I'm not usually a big fan of dramas, particularly on tv, and the fact that 24 didn't repeat like most shows (where you could catch an episode you had missed about a month or so later), meant that I had to set my time aside to watch the show so I wouldn't get lost. That was no problem, however, because I looked forward to each installment of 24 with a great deal of anticipation.

The new season, as it has begun today, has a lot of stuff going on. The acting seems good so far and the cinematography looks great, but the story seems a little contrived. It's probably too early for me to be so critical, but a storyline based around a Keiffer Sutherland's character, Jack Bower, stopping a terrorist group that plans to detonate a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles, all while his daughter is a hostage (the hostage part hasn't occurred yet, but it looks inescapable) - it just seems too simple and too "made-for-the-moment" with the current terrorist fears in the country (I'm mean come on - the terrorists in this show are from the Middle East and their organization is sponsored by an Arab country. Isn't this a bit of overkill?). But then again, maybe I'm wrong. One of the things I loved most about 24 when it began last year was how things changed so much and how as soon as you thought you knew who was guilty or what was about to happen, then things changed drastically or some completely unexpected complication was thrown into the mix. I can only hope that this new season will be as fresh and unpredictable as last season.

The only foreseeable problem with 24 is that it is yet another great show on Tuesday. I really love having shows on tv that I can appreciate and really enjoy, but why the heck are they all on Tuesday night? Now there's Buffy, 8 Simple Rules..., Life with Jim, Smallville, and 24 - all in the span of just two hours! Yikes! My vcr is likely to burn out by the end of the season.

Still, I can hardly complain. With so much else going on in my life and keeping me busy and not entertained, I am most certainly glad to have a chance to relax and enjoy - even if it all is compacted into one evening.

Posted at 10:35 PM

October 28, 2002

Today had a nice surprise in store for me. It was a nice break from everything else.

I've been crazy busy with various classwork (finish a long book, write a paper, do research, work on an editing project, etc.) as well as a number of personal errands (for Christiana and myself), and I haven't had as much time on my hands as my Journal entries might lead you to believe. Sure, I spend a little planned time with friends, but that's like therapy, and most of my remaining minutes are busy. Today was in fact quite rushed with a couple of projects due and a number of errands and tasks needing to be accomplished. I was pretty busy and pretty distracted, and then I nearly got stopped in my tracks.

You see, there's this guy in my Beat Literature class that has sat in the aisle next to me all semester. He intrigues me. He's attractive in a number of different ways, and not just in a physical way. He seems quite intelligent, very diligent in his approach to class, somewhat introspective, and somewhat quiet, and he is one of those people who I would really like to get to know better (but I never approach because of my fears and anxieties).

So anyhow, we'd been discussing Kerouac's Desolation Angels in class today. After class, as we were leaving the building, he held the door open for me. I said a pleasant "Thank you," and he said a similarly polite "You're welcome," and then we were outside. He then, without ever having spoken a word to me before, commented that he had no idea how to follow up on that class. You see, he has to present on the same book for all of Wednesday's class, and he felt that a lot of his ideas had already been discussed today. We ended up chatting about it as we walked to our next class, and I encouraged him to follow some of his original ideas since I didn't really feel that they had been touched on even barely in today's discussion.

We ended up talking a little longer and he introduced himself as Pat, and I found out that he plans to declare his major as Creative Writing. He hadn't been fully apprised of the hoops you have to jump through to be accepted into the Creative Writing program, but I explained things and encouraged him to try. I was quite excited just to be talking with him, but to find someone with similar interests was a wonderful coincidence. We only spoke a bit longer since I had to get to my class, but I invited him to join us for the Thursday night get-together. He said he would feel odd since he didn't know us, but I encouraged him to come and told him that we invite new people to join in all of the time (which is certainly the truth with out group). He said he'd think about it, and I'll make the offer again on Wednesday. I would truly like to get to know him better.

If I can't have a close, loving companion, I'll at least take some close, caring friends, and a new friend to add to my small group of other friends would be simply a marvelous gift. Hopefully things will indeed work out, but I need to reign myself in a bit so that I won't be disheartened if things don't turn out so well as I'd like.

But hey, I can dream, can't I?

Posted at 2:02 AM

October 27, 2002

My mother and grandmother visited today, and unlike my usual experience, I had a fairly decent time. Oh sure, my mother still said things to piss me off and exasperate me, but she was somehow less bothersome than normal. My grandmother was, as always, simply wonderful. The world should be filled with more loving, compassionate, open people like my grandmother.

We went to this wonderful semi-gourmet buffet at the Old Navy Bistro in International Park where we often eat. The river and the downtown skyline looked very peaceful today, and it was great to just watch the seagulls floating on the updrafts.

After brunch, we came back to the Arts Center briefly before they left for Sandusky. Again, it was much more comfortable than normal. It may not have been a very memorable visit, but I prefer this 100% over the usual visit that leaves me frustrated, sad, and/or angry.

Posted at 11:40 PM

October 26, 2002

I've just gotten back from a really relaxing evening. The University Activities Organization runs recent movies every week in the Student Union Theatre, and while they are only just recently out of the theatres I usually don't have enough desire to go (it can get crowded (since it's free), and the nights they show the movies generally mean I would have to drive down specifically for the movies (Saturdays and Sundays), and on top of all of that is the fact that I just don't like going to a movie alone). But earlier this week I noticed the posting that this week's movie was Lilo & Stitch and I thought that it would be a fun thing to do with Chris and Heather. So I asked Heather on Thursday night and she was interested. Chris has traveled to Chicago for the whole weekend for a big glass exhibit at Navy Pier, and Heather wanted a chance to get out of the empty apartment. That was fine by me.

So we got together tonight and made our way to the Union with some light conversation on the way. The movie itself, once we had watched it, was cute and enjoyable. It wasn't a classic of Disney story-telling, but it was fun and certainly different than the conventional, sappy fairy-tale fluff that often comes out of the Disney animation team. So that was cool.

Afterwards Heather and I went to Big Boy to chat, eat, and relax (and smoke, in Heather's case). We ended up staying for about four hours and had some really excellent conversations. I can't remember the last time that Heather and I have had a one-on-one conversation for more than five minutes before someone joined in, and I wish it hadn't been so long since the last time. Heather and I both have our own problems and fears and neuroses, and while we each deal with things differently we understand each other quite well. In fact, Heather relates to things I deal with that nobody else has ever understood or felt similarly about. Because of that, this was a really comfortable conversation and helped me feel more centered.

We talked about a lot of things, but we spent probably the most time talking about anti-depressive drugs (pro and con (mostly con)), psychotherapy, and our own psychological issues and ways of dealing with them. A lot of my friends have psychological problems of varying levels, but Heather and I relate about a lot of things (as a side note, among other things we talked for a while about our mutual belief that the more intelligent some people tend to be, the more psychological problems they tend to have, and why that happens).

It's not every day you talk about depression and self-abuse and anxiety attacks and anger issues and suicide and social dysfunction and obsessive compulsive issues and ... well, lots of stuff ... and it was really refreshing for me since a lot of these issues are the things that occupy a very large amount of my thoughts and my daily struggles.

The evening ended on sort of a sad note since Misty came in from having been sent home early from work. Things didn't look positive with her job, and she was quite upset (which encompasses lots of emotions: sad, angry, self-righteous, etc.), and Heather and I tried to console her for a while before taking her to see her boyfriend. Misty's really a wonderful person, but she has the same shitty kind of luck that I have such that whenever things get going even moderately well, the hammer drops and some problem starts fucking everything up. Hopefully things aren't as bad as she fears or hopefully she rebounds from this fast and into a better situation, but that is left to be seen. All I know is that she deserves much, much better.

Posted at 11:24 PM

October 25, 2002

Oh goody. Today it wasn't just cold but it was also rainy. And of course I was distracted by other things and missed the weather forecast which might have cued me in on taking an umbrella. Yea.

Believe it or not, none of this did anything to raise my melancholy mood. I may not be as morose as I was last night, but it would probably have been impossible for me to ever remain so depressed as that. I guess that's something to be thankful for.

Posted at 10:28 PM

October 24, 2002

I was going to write something today; I really was. I actually had a few things to talk about, even if they weren't connected, and I even had the Thursday night get-together to talk about ...

But instead I have found myself getting more and more depressed with each minute since I have left Big Boy. I have seen too many guys that I'm attracted to today, and it just hurts too much. The two unexpected surprises tonight at Big Boy - someone completely new and gorgeous and someone I've observed for more than a year on campus who is incredibly cute and has never been in Big Boy while I'm there - they were completely unexpected.

And I find myself having to face facts. These guys aren't interested in me. They don't even consider me. Heck, they may not even see me. And they never will. I will continue to be too old, too imperfect, too quiet, too smart, too out-of-shape, too geeky, too isolated, or too scary. I will never even become friends with them. Most of them will never even say a single word to me. They'll never notice. Their lives will go on completely unaffected, and they will find love and happiness with ease, where and when (and with whom) they want it. And I will sit on the sidelines once again.

I have absolutely no idea why I even get out of bed on any given day. There's nothing here for me. Nothing at all. Just emptiness and pain. There is no better future - no long-awaited reward. It's just more and more of the same. Emptiness, loneliness, and hopelessness.

I'm going to sleep now. And I really hope I don't wake up.

Posted at 1:22 AM

October 23, 2002

While I almost invariably feel that the court system in America has completely failed to provide justice and rationality, I occasionally find myself happily surprised when the courts redeem themselves. Today was a mixed bag, giving hope that the justice system can do the right thing but also displaying the failure of the system to make the right decisions.

The first news article I saw, reproduced below, was a reversal of a suit for damages that stunned me. The original case had dragged on for quite a while, and I had been quite pleased with the results when Jenny Jones was held responsible (even if only financially and not criminally) for their culpability in the death of a gay man who was on their show. Read about this shocking reversal of that decision, and then read more of what I have to say.

Court Reverses 'Jenny Jones' Ruling

LANSING, Mich. (AP) - A Michigan appeals court Wednesday threw out a jury's $29.3 million verdict against the ``Jenny Jones Show,'' saying the program had no legal duty to protect a guest who was murdered after revealing a gay crush.

In a 2-1 ruling, the Michigan Court of Appeals reversed the 1999 decision of a jury that found the owner of the often-raucous talk show, Warner Bros., and its distributor, Telepictures, liable for the slaying of Scott Amedure.

Show host Jenny Jones said in a statement that she was ``elated'' by the ruling. ``Scott Amedure's murder was a horrible tragedy, but I have always believed that it was fundamentally wrong and unfair to blame the show,'' she said.

Amedure family lawyer Geoffrey Fieger said he will appeal.

Amedure was shot to death by Jonathan Schmitz in 1995, three days after Amedure revealed an attraction to Schmitz during a taping of the show in Chicago. The segment never aired.

Schmitz, 24 at the time, said he had gone on the show expecting to meet a female admirer. He was convicted of murder and is serving 25 to 50 years in prison.

Amedure's family sued the show, contending Schmitz was ambushed and tricked into believing his secret admirer was a woman.

The appeals court said the show ``may be regarded as the epitome of bad taste and sensationalism,'' but that wasn't enough to hold it liable for Amedure's death.

``The evidence on the record indicates that nothing in Schmitz's demeanor, or in any of his interactions with the show, put defendants on notice that he posed a risk of violence to others,'' the court said.

In a dissent, Judge William Murphy noted that the show failed to check Schmitz's personal history, which included mental illness, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide attempts and anger problems.

``If defendants, for their own benefit, wish to produce `ambush' shows that can conceivably create a volatile situation, they should bear the risk if a guest is psychologically unstable or criminally dangerous,'' Murphy wrote.

It incenses me that a murder victim - a man who had simply opened his heart in what he felt was a safe environment (because he had been told by 'Jenny Jones' that it would be safe) - is somehow suggested that he should have known better, even though he had no way of knowing that 'Jenny Jones' wasn't going to have paved the way for his announcement when they brought the object of his affection to a show about secret gay crushes. For 'Jenny Jones' to have misinformed the soon-to-be-murderer about the nature of that particular show and the nature of the sexuality of the other person, in what is undeniably still a homophobic culture in America, was simply asking for an unfavorable reaction - heck, that's exactly what they had hoped would occur during the taping of their show; why would it be so hard to expect that this anger and shock might extend beyond the taping of the show. Damn it, they should have (and must have) known even before the taping of the show that there would be lasting problems. It's simply unconscionable.

I could go on raving about this for pages and pages, but I'll leave it where it is, and you can form your own opinions from there. The other case I read about today, however, is no less shocking even though my reaction is completely the reverse to what I have just written about.

In my Journal from September 3rd, you may recall my talking about the trial of two young brothers for murdering their father that was being held simultaneously with the trial of a family friend for the same murder but in a completely different case with a completely different motive and execution. I was incensed that the courts would allow two trials when the prosecutor couldn't even decide on who was guilty or how the crime was committed. It just stunk in the worst way of how people in America are no longer treated as innocent until proven guilty. You may also recall that I was angry about the case because the youngest boy, Alex, had been in a relationship with the much older man who was the suggested murderer from the other case, and it seemed that the boy had been trying to take the rap for the old lover because Alex had been told by the older man that he, as a young boy, wouldn't get in trouble if he explained how his father abused him. It was just a horrible, sick case from every angle.

Well, that case got worse because the results were that the older man was acquitted and the boys were found guilty, not of first degree murder but of second degree murder. You see, the jury in their case believed that the older man (from the other case) had been guilty but that the boys were guilty of having known that he committed the murder and tried to cover up for him. They were sure that the jury in the other case would find the older man guilty and then the boys would be cleared of directly committing the murder but found guilty of not directly reporting that murder. But, of course, the old guy got off and the kids got fucked in sentencing because they were the only 'bad' people left. So both kids, just barely teenagers, were going to be charged as adults and given maximum sentences and end up in prison for twenty years. It was a complete travesty of justice in my mind.

Well hallelujah for Rosie O'Donnell. A recent news story revealed that Rosie employed a smart Florida lawyer to look into the case and get the case overturned and sent for a retrial without the delays and problems of going through the appeals process. The courts sided with the lawyer, Rosie, and all sanity and rationality by overturning the ruling and the sentencing of both boys and arranging for the prosecution and defense to work on a plea arrangement prior to a new trial to be arranged soon. The boys aren't out of the woods yet, but justice may still have a chance to prevail. It is certainly at least a good start. Read the story below and see for yourself.

Rosie tried to keep her name out of brothers' case

The call came out of the blue in late September.

'She said, `Hello, it's Rosie O'Donnell. What can we do about helping these two boys convicted of beating their father to death?' '' said Jayne Weintraub, the Miami attorney O'Donnell eventually hired to take on the case of Panhandle brothers Alex and Derek King.

The boys' convictions, as adults, of second-degree murder in the beating death of their sleeping father captured the nation's attention.

It captured O'Donnell's attention, too. The part-time South Florida resident decided to quietly do something about it.

She was pained by the idea of two boys in their early teens facing 20-plus years in prison, said Weintraub, a high-profile, high-priced criminal defense attorney.

Last week, following a motion by Weintraub, a Pensacola judge overturned the boys' convictions in a rare legal move.

''I never met Rosie O'Donnell before,'' Weintraub said. ``I was surprised she was calling.''

When O'Donnell called on Sept. 25, Weintraub told the former talk-show host she'd be happy to take the case on appeal. That wasn't good enough for O'Donnell.

'She said, `What can we do to undo what's been done? Can't we just have a do-over? A new trial?' ''

Weintraub told O'Donnell that winning a new trial without going through the appeals process would be rare.

''Go for it,'' Rosie told her.

There was one condition: A confidentiality clause was written into the agreement with O'Donnell to keep the star's name out of the proceedings.

However, O'Donnell's involvement leaked out over the weekend. She's still not talking about the case, said her publicist, Cindi Berger.

''She does a lot of things quietly,'' Berger said. ``She doesn't do it for the publicity value. She does things when she feels compelled to do them. And she felt this case was compelling.''

Weintraub, who counts rap mogul Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs and former Miami Mayor Joe Carollo among her previous clients, agreed. She's not talking about how much O'Donnell is paying her.

Weintraub met the boys shortly after taking the case and worked on the motion for a new trial for Alex and Derek King, ages 13 and 14.

The judge tossed out the brothers' murder convictions last week on due process issues and ordered prosecutors and attorneys to try to reach a plea agreement before he signs an order for a new trial.

Weintraub, a frequent cable television news commentator with more than 20 years' experience trying murder cases, is now representing Alex, she said, along with colleague Ben Kuehne.

Weintraub and Kuehne will only represent Alex to avoid potential conflict issues, she said. Another attorney will represent Derek.

Posted at 12:46 AM

October 22, 2002

Hey! Watch the frog!

Posted at 11:16 PM

October 21, 2002

I was listening to XTC's Oranges and Lemons album today on my drive back and forth to school. The whole album is simply magnificent, even now after having been around for thirteen years, and every song has always struck very personal, poignant chords within me. Today, though, I realized how appropriate one of the songs is for Emperor Bush's obsession with killing everyone in Iraq (and Afghanistan and wherever he decides to go next ...). Read through the following lyrics, and just replace "President Kill" with "President Bush," and you will be amazed with how much it all fits.

HERE COMES PRESIDENT KILL AGAIN

Here comes President Kill again,
surrounded by all of his killing men
Telling us who, why, where and when,
President Kill wants killing again.

Hooray, ring out the bells,
King Conscience is dead.
Hooray, now back in your cells,
we've President Kill instead.

Here comes President Kill again,
broadcasting from his killing den.
Dressed in pounds and dollars and yen,
President Kill wants killing again.

Hooray, hang out the flags,
Queen Caring is dead.
Hooray, we'll stack body bags
for President Kill instead.

Ain't democracy wonderful?
Them Russians can't win!
Ain't democracy wonderful?
Let us vote someone like that in.

Here comes President Kill again,
from pure White House to number 10,
taking lives with a smoking pen,
President Kill wants killing again.

Hooray, everything's great,
now President Kill is dead.
Hooray, I'll bet you can't wait
to vote for President Kill instead...

Posted at 11:43 PM

October 20, 2002

Whatever happened to good tv shows to watch on the weekends? Is it too much to ask for something to watch on the two days that I don't have to be in Bowling Green? Is it?

Damned sports shows; that's all that's fucking on. If people wanted so much sports then they'd pay to have ESPN, damnit! Any time now I'm expecting to see sports on PBS, too. That's one of the signs of the apocalypse, you know.

It's bad enough that every network has ruined cartoons for me, but now they've ruined afternoons and prime time, too. There's only two shows worth watching, and one of them (Buffy) is repeats (even though I didn't watch Buffy much in the original broadcasts). How is it that there are more infomercials on during the weekends than there are during the bleary hours of the morning during weekdays? It just isn't right!

Arg! Is there no justice?

Posted at 11:43 PM

October 19, 2002

I had a great phone call from Drake today. We've been e.mailing each other back and forth for a while now, and we recently exchanged phone numbers. Today was our first "live" conversation, and it was quite cool. We spoke for over an hour and a half, and it felt very comfortable.

I'm not usually a big fan of phone conversations. I often get too easily distracted if there isn't a real body present, and the whole idea of communicating on the phone just seems terribly impersonal (and this must seem incredibly ironic for me to be concerned about impersonal forms of communication when I submit a one-sided Journal entry on this web site every day). Nonetheless, I liked the idea of getting a bit closer to Drake than I could simply through e.mail. Now he seems even more real since I heard a human voice and wasn't just reading a bunch of typed words.

Of course we'll still probably stick mostly to e.mail for most of our communication since I'm poor and Drake would soon become that way of he were paying for calls all of the time. A few calls here and there will be cool, though, as an offset for the e.mails, and over time we'll maybe even get to the point where we'll meet face to face (which seems really odd to think that by the time we actually see each other for the first time, we'll know all sorts of stuff about each other). But I expect that that's a ways down the road. In the meantime, I'm still getting a lot of intellectual stimulation out of our discussions. Drake has been bringing back a lot of memories (often unintentionally) and has been getting me to think a lot about my views of life and people; it's a good wakeup call.

And heck, it beats the hell out of just moping around in depression all the time.

Posted at 7:12 PM

October 18, 2002

Frances Driscoll, the poet, came to our Modern Poetry class today and read a poem from "The Rape Poems" and spoke about creating poetry and about some of the poets we have been discussing. I have read "The Rape Poems" before, and I have even used them in a class presentation that I made.

"The Rape Poems" are quite varied in style and attitude, and they seem more like a collection of poems by various poets based on one topic than they do the product of just one poet, Frances Driscoll. They are very moving, amazing poems and have incredible style.

Because of my familiarity with her work, I was really quite unprepared to meet Frances Driscoll. She is quite nice and very personable, but she simply was nothing like what I might have expected. That's not to say that I had made any sort of representation about her in my mind, but she was nothing like anything I would have imagined. She is older, shorter, more plain, more nerdy, and more hyper than I could really believe. She was still wonderful to hear, and she had fantastic anecdotes and insightful comments, but I was just so shocked by her in every way that it just ... I don't know ... it just seemed unreal that this was really her.

I am thrilled to have met her and heard her read, however. With all of the people I have seen and heard at the weekly poetry meetings on campus, I couldn't name a single one whose name I recognized, and I could only point to about three whose work I really appreciated. I don't fault the Creative Writing department, because they have pretty much no budget at all to work with, but it is really disappointing to miss out on people who write the really good stuff. So seeing Frances was great. Hopefully she'll be just one of many great poets and writers I'll see while at school.

Posted Written at 1:21 AM

October 17, 2002

So we had our usual get-together tonight, and all sorts of people showed up. In fact, we had quite a diverse conversation since so many people were involved, and that was great.

I must tell you, though, that the most bizarre and amusing part of the evening was our discussing of scratching boobs and balls. You see, one of the girls (whose name will be concealed to protect her from embarrassment), was scratching her breast - her tit to be specific. Heather noticed and said something, to which the scratchier replied that her tit had been itching for like five days, and it was driving her crazy. And then all of the girls at the table chipped in with sympathy for what is, apparently (unbeknownst to me), a very common issue for women. Then they proceeded to explain how they scratched without anyone noticing. This ranged from shifting the wire support in their bra over the nipple to simply crossing their arms over their chest and manipulating things behind the cover of their arms. It was all rather strange.

But it was about to get more strange when I commented, as an amusing side-note, that guys had the same sorts of problems trying to cover themselves when their balls itch. No sooner had the words exited my mouth then all of the assembled women immediately and loudly asserted that men made no pretense whatsoever to disguise things when they scratched themselves. The girls all seemed to think that guys even made a point of making it obvious. I had to disagree, and this led to a bit more of our odd exchange. It wasn't exactly a long conversation as conversations go among this group, but it was certainly unusual.

Things did continue to be weird, though, as the conversation moved into how each of the girls explained how their boyfriends held or fondled their dicks when they were at home. Not when they were having sex or even just in bed - more like all the time, anyplace in their home (or their girlfriend's home). This, too, was weird.

Am I the only guy that doesn't scratch his balls openly in public and play with himself constantly at home? Are these girls making these things up? I don't know, but it was definitely a night or odd discussions.

Posted Written at 1:48 AM

October 16, 2002

What a fuckin' weird day.

I got up early to continue working on my editing project before it was due, and on the way to find an empty parking space I almost got a ticket from a campus cop. Then I was running around campus from one lab to another building and such, and I stumbled over my own feet three times. By the time I was in class to turn in the project, I thought maybe the worst was over, but instead, the office chair I was sitting in during class kept releasing the height control and dropping me to floor level. It was quite annoying.

Following that batch of weirdness, I went to the computer lab to finish some study sheets, but on the way I noticed this good-looking guy unlocking his bike. I guess I stared a bit, and he looked back at me and said, "Hi, Paul." I was sort of shocked and said "Hi," back, but I had no idea who I had spoken to. In fact, I still can't figure it out. I probably should have said "Who the hella re you," or something else equally intelligent, but I really had to get working on that study sheet. Once I had finished the study stuff, I spend most of the rest of the day cramming for my history midterm. I even skipped Phil's class to gain an extra hour and a half of study time. When I finally ran out of study time, I headed off to my classroom, and I passed Phil on the way and said, "Hi, Phil," only realizing afterwards that his class had just let out and of course I hadn't been there. I wonder what he made of that.

Anyhow, I went off to class and Dave was late for the first time ever, and it was on the date of our midterm. So he gets there, hands out the exam, and I am amazed. You have to understand that Dave had posted a study sheet that was two full typed pages, single-spaced, of terms, concepts, and major events that we should study to prepare for the exam. I had spent hours coming up with concise answers for all of these and then memorizing them. So the 25-question exam with five short answer, fifteen multiple choice, ten true/false, and two bonus questions (which were a question about hockey and a question about fashion designers, which might have just been incredibly funny if I had had any idea of what the answer was for either one). Anyhow, the exam was really anti-climatic after all of the hype and studying, and I probably did pretty damn good. I ended up having a conversation with Dave for over a half hour after that, and it was relaxing.

After that, things stopped being quite so weird. It's a good thing, too, because I really needed to just wind down after all of that. I still have one paper to finish for Friday, but it's almost finished - it just needs some tweaking and the copying and highlighting of my sources (John requires copies of every page where you pull a citation and the citation itself highlighted in the text, all to be sure that nobody is plagiarizing. It seems a little overzealous to me, but what the heck - why not fell a few more trees for no useful purpose?).

But that's about it. I still have a busy day of school stuff for tomorrow, but I'm past the worst of things. I may actually get everything done after all. Is that amazing or what?

Posted at 12:02 AM

October 15, 2002

<<< Meltdown imminent! >>>

<<< The central brain has reached critical mass! >>>

"Oh, shit! It's too late! It's too late!"

"SCRAM! SCRAM!"

"Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!"

Posted at 1:17 AM

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