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November 2010

 

bullet November 30, 2010

Feeling even more tired today than yesterday. I wonder if it's the cold, windy, rainy, gloomy day affecting me?

Whatever it is, I'm really whipped. It's hard to stay awake to care for my grandma, even this early in the afternoon.

Posted at 2:15PM
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bullet November 29, 2010

So tired today. I'm tired just about every day any more, but today pushes it to new extremes.

So very, very tired ...

Posted at 4:55 PM
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bullet November 28, 2010

Quote for the day:

Rabbit's feet -
Nothing says good fortune like mutilation.

Posted at 1:14 PM
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bullet November 27, 2010

A dreary, gray day. That seems about right.

Posted at 5:06 PM
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bullet November 26, 2010

It's hard to believe that this keeps getting worse. Once you're at the bottom of a deep, inescapable pit you don't expect the bottom to drop some more. And then some more. And then some more.

Should I be waiting for the bottom to drop out entirely?

Posted at 8:18 PM
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bullet November 25, 2010

It's hard to appreciate Thanksgiving when there's just about nothing to be thankful for.

Posted at 3:59 PM
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bullet November 24, 2010

Suuuuhhhck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.

Posted at 5:02 PM
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bullet November 23, 2010

Forty-seven and still going strong!

Long live the Doctor and his annals - Doctor Who!

Happy Anniversary!

On 23 November, 1963, the first episode of Doctor Who was broadcast. Entitled An Unearthly Child it starred William Hartnell as the Doctor and introduced the world to this mysterious traveler and his incredible time machine known as the TARDIS.

The episode also featured Carole Ann Ford as Susan, Jacqueline Hill as Barbara and William Russell as Ian. The story began when two school teachers share their concerns about one of their pupils - Susan (above). She's brilliant in some subjects but bizarrely out of kilter in others. To assuage their curiosity they follow her home, but discover 'home' is a blue police box in an old junk yard. Once they enter the box their lives, and televisual history, would never be the same.

Forty-seven years later that battered blue box is still transporting the Time Lord and his companions to worlds of wonder and adventure. Long may their travels continue, and happy anniversary, Doctor!

Posted at 5:28 PM
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bullet November 22, 2010

Go BG!

The home city of my alma mater passed a non-discrimination ordinance for gays, lesbians, and transgendered people. In a state that has some of the most draconian laws and constitutional amendments against gays in the country (my own Ohio), this stands as a very positive step out of the dark ages.

Nov. 2 vote Approves Bowling Green Anti-discrimination Ordinances

BOWLING GREEN — When all the votes were counted, two city ordinances aimed at protecting gay and transgendered individuals from discrimination both passed.

The Wood County Board of Elections Monday morning certified the results of the Nov. 2 election, which showed that both ordinances were approved by city voters.

City Council had adopted the measures in August, 2009, but a group gathered signatures and put the laws to a popular vote through the referendum process. On election night, the ordinance that expanded the list of protected classes in the city's housing code to include sexual orientation, gender expression, and others, was approved by a narrow margin. An ordinance that protected those same groups from discrimination in employment, at business establishments, and educational institutions failed by a slim margin.

The Bowling Green Coalition for Justice, which mounted an aggressive campaign to keep the ordinances in place knew the outcome of the provisional ballots would be crucial because the group had worked to get Bowling Green State University students to vote in support of them.

Many students, who are registered to vote in their hometowns, then voted in Bowling Green but had to cast provisional ballots because they weren't registered in Wood County.

Posted at 6:50 PM
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bullet November 21, 2010

Sometimes the simplest days end up being the most tiring.

Posted at 8:57 PM
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bullet November 20, 2010

It's a historical day!

(but of course every day is a part of history)

Posted at 8:51 PM
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bullet November 19, 2010

My mom left at an early hour this morning after not quite a week's visit. I didn't get a full break from my caregiver duties, and I didn't get any more sleep or relaxation time, but I did get a lot of things done that I'd been having to put off, and I did get a whole lot of help caring for my grandma during the day - even if only briefly.

So today I should feel grateful - and I do - but I also feel tired, having jumped back into being the solo caregiver, particularly since my grandma was more "off" and in the throes of the dementia than any time during the past two weeks, and particularly since I had to run out quickly and do some errands on top of cover a reevaluation for my grandma's home therapy.

And the end result is being quite tired but looking forward to perhaps seeing the next two days as hopefully a bit more simple and relaxed. That would be nice - and welcomed. But we'll have to wait and see.

Posted at 8:22 PM
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bullet November 18, 2010

For those who keep saying that gay activism is unnecessary and even counterproductive in this day and age - because gays are widely accepted and don't face the problems of previous decades - I spit in your face and say, "Fuck you."

Homophobic discrimination abounds in myriad ways in all corners of the world and throughout our country. Don't be so blindly naive or insensitive as to dismiss the constant suffering of others. Instead, applaud those who are still standing tall and specking proudly and defiantly in the face of continued oppression. See for yourself:

For gay teens who have considered suicide

(Editor's note: The following article first appeared last week in the Knight Errant, the student newspaper at Benilde-St. Margaret's School, but was removed over the weekend at the request of the school's administration. MPR's coverage of the incident is available here.)

By Sean Simonson

I have considered suicide. Yes, I have considered taking my own life. Unlike six other boys recently in the news, I never took the steps to follow through on my dark thoughts, but, unfortunately, I can understand what drove them to. Because I know what it's like to be a gay teenager.

Imagine going through adolescence: hormones raging, body changing, and relationships that go a little deeper than friendship developing. Now, add on being gay.

Don't believe being different is difficult? Try going through a day in the life of a gay teen.

Every day you hear someone use your sexuality -- a part of you that, no matter how desperately you try, you cannot change -- as a negative adjective. That hurts.

You fear looking the wrong way in the locker room and offending someone. Politicians are allowed to debate your right to marry the person you love or your right to be protected from hate crimes under the law. Your faith preaches your exclusion -- or damnation. And no one does anything to stop it.

Recently, the Archbishop used money donated by an anonymous source to denounce same-sex marriage. That's right: a major religious leader used non-Church money from a questionable source to publicly condemn your right to express your love in a public and binding manner.

A public school district nearby -- after a wake of suicides by kids much like yourself -- cannot bring itself to put your protection from bullying into its policies. Members of the district fear your kind and how you might brainwash their children into thinking that your behavior is appropriate or to join your kind.

A political party makes its position denying your right to marry one of its main voting points. And your nation voted this party in office.

You cannot legally give blood to save a life, nor risk your life to defend your country unless you hide your identity and deny who you are.

Oh yeah, and the words "queer," "homo," and "faggot" that people throw around all the time? Yeah, those might as well be personal attacks.

This is daily life for me. And I can understand why, if you are gay like me, you might consider ending it all. But I hope you don't.

Why? Because without you, who is going to make it better for everyone else? Without you, no one is going to stand up against the injustice. I need you to help me make this world a better place for both of us and everyone else like us.

And all of you who don't have to undergo this horror daily, it's up to you to help. Don't stand by and let hatred go on. Don't sit back and watch your friends be discriminated against. Reach out and help those who might need it.

Together, maybe we can make the world an easier place to live for gay and straight teens alike. Because no one else is going to do it for us.

Posted at 5:36 PM
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bullet November 17, 2010

Why won't my head just explode already and relieve the pressure?

Posted at 8:23 PM
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bullet November 16, 2010

Reading is fundamental - to eye strain.

Posted at 9:39 PM
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bullet November 15, 2010

It would be nice, when my mom comes to visit for a week, if rather than doing all of the things I couldn't do while caring for my grandma on my own, I was instead able to rest or relax or recreate - heck, that would be great.

... and that's why I'm called theDreamer.

Posted at 4:21 PM
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bullet November 14, 2010

Damn leaves.

GET OFF OF MY LAWN!

Posted at 3:11 PM
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bullet November 13, 2010

Oh the pain ... the pain.

I don't even have to channel Doctor Smith to say that. A whole day of end-of-the-year yardwork is more than sufficient.

Damn but I ache - everywhere.

Posted at 7:03 PM
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bullet November 12, 2010

And life as I know it continues ...

In helping my grandma into her wheelchair today, I somehow moved my hand wrong and pulled or aggravated something ion my left wrist/hand. Great.

After helping an old man get some cardboard into a recycling dumpster, I made a skipping sort od move to get around him on the way back to the car and pulled something in my right hamstring. Even better.

While being out and about, my allergies to mold and mildew - which are always worst during Fall - kicked in with a vengeance, and I've got drainage from my sinuses already aggravating my throat. I've won the trifecta.

The fun just never ends ...

Posted at 4:29 PM
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bullet November 11, 2010

This has been a day seemingly without end -- until now.

It's been go - go - go all day from first thing in the morning until just now, and while there are still things yet to do before my grandma (and then I) can go to bed, I'm finally on top of all of the things that had to be done and needed to be done today. It's very satisfying to have kept on top of things, but it's also terribly exhausting. I'll be ready for bed when the chance finally comes - although that's still a ways off.

Hopefully I can stay awake until I'm ready to go to sleep.

Posted at 9:11 PM
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bullet November 10, 2010

MIracles do happen, it seems - no for me, of course, but they happen.

As of today we now have a wheelchair ramp for getting my grandma in and out of the house, and it was covered by a local tax-supported program for seniors, so we spent only a few hundred for installation rather than the $4500-5000 all of the estimates were expecting. It took a lot of leg work and follow-up, but it paid off.

Now that I know miracles CAN happen, I'm waiting for mine to come ...

Posted at 6:59 PM
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bullet November 9, 2010

Do all people in single-commander police states take dictation?

Posted at 7:02 PM
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bullet November 8, 2010

Love is so short ...
... and forgetting so long.

- Pablo Neruda

Posted at 1:10 PM
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bullet November 7, 2010

Trying to get a chance to relax is exhausting.

Posted at 9:46 PM
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bullet November 6, 2010

Daylight Savings Time hits today. It's been bad enough that it's been getting dark by 5:30, sometimes as early as 5:00 on overcast days, but to back that up an hour just feels horrible. Darkness at 4 in the afternoon? It's appalling.

I understand the value of Daylight Savings Time, but in the modern technological world I have to say that I think most of the value it offered is no longer applicable. Not that anybody cares what I think anyhow ...

Posted at 1:33 PM
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bullet November 5, 2010

Did we actually make more steps forward today than back? Just maybe ...

Posted at 3:33 PM
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bullet November 4, 2010

If I believed in miracles I'd be looking for one about now.

Posted at 7:42 PM
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bullet November 3, 2010

Cull the herd.

Posted at 9:29 PM
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bullet November 2, 2010

Struggling with a formidable wave of depression as I'm caring for my grandma is enough - tough but doable - but dealing with a million people who either are stopping by for some reason or calling for some reason (none of these reasons being just a friendly "Hello" but more in the manner of examining and scheduling and rescheduling and calling for vast amounts of info you have to look up in a variety of places) - this shit is making life impossible.

My depression on top of caring for my grandma made this weekend unpleasant, but I was clear-headed enough to see I had a bit of time to myself and not the constant, rushed, frenetic race from one person to one call to the next to the other that has marked yesterday and today.

As usual, it's not me caring for my grandma that becomes the problem - it's other people. Is it just me that finds this completely ridiculous?

Posted at 8:02 PM
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bullet November 1, 2010

I don't want to be part of this world any more.

Posted at 8:14 PM

 


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Journal, by Paul Cales, © November 2010