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| message board July 2011
Don't I have enough to endure without the universe amping up the crazy quotient of my grandma's dementia? It's hard enough when she's mentally "on" and trying to work with me. It's just about impossible on days like today when she's ver, very "off." I have no idea how I'm surviving this. Posted at 11:38 AM
Pain, stress, and overwork, the Misery Triumvirate. Wheee!!!! Posted at 3:40 PM
The Pain OLympics continue today, but the clear winner, outpacing all the rest, is that long-standing, aggressive competitor the Migraine. How does he do it? Is is drugs? Well, we can honestly say that cannot be the case because the Migraine seems almost completely resistant to drugs. However he does it, there's no stopping him. He's putting a painful smackdown on everyone at this location, and he shows no signs of letting up. How does anyone stop such a force of nature? Posted at 11:17 AM
Oh goody! The Pain Olympics just chose their site for 2011 - and it's me! The major competitors, if you haven't been following our reports here at Pain Central, are Back Pains from Lower Spinia, Severe Dermatitis and Open Wounds from Eastern Carpals, and the Migraine from Mi Noggin. All tough, seasoned competitors to be sure. Who will win? Only time can tell, but the sure loser will undoubtedly be this location. Posted at 8:12 AM
I can't keep up with all of the shit that has to be done. Calgon baths, take me away! Posted at 11:16 AM
I do sincerely wish I had the means to help homeless and abused gay kids. I've wanted to be able to make an impact and provide help for a long time, but I'm cut off from just about every avenue by which I could help. I wish that could change. I wish that would change. I still have hope. I still want to be able to offer hope. Posted at 10:53 AM
Life is defined by suffering - is that the lesson here? Posted at 10:04 AM
Don't I have enough problems without adding what seems will be a long-lasting (if not pretty much permanent) back pain problem? Isn't there enough other problems and pains on my plate on a daily basis? Posted at 10:30 AM
How can it get worse when I'm lying down? How? Posted at 12:17 PM
Last night was fairly sleepless and quite uncomfortable. I don't know if I added to my back injury in some way while helping my grandma last night or if it was just lying down, but I could not get comfortable and my back grew stiff and painful no matter how I slept. One thing I've learned - lying dow nay any time and in any way just makes things worse, no matter how much better things seem to have gotten. How I'm supposed to sleep and not lie down I don't know ... If I sound whiny that's because I am whiny. This is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and untenable. If only it would get better and go away ... Posted at 11:18 AM
Lucky me! Migraines, a strained muscle in my back, hard labor, insane surroundings, no days off, no pay - what more could a person ask for? Yea me! Posted at 9:14 AM
Some people get days off. Some people get days off when they're sick. Some people even get covered for accidents or injuries on the job. I'm not some people. So yesterday morning, already breaking records for heat at 9:30 AM during a week of insanely high temperatures, I must have moved something wrong when I lifted my grandma into the car seat to go to day care. I didn't even notice it right then, but just minutes later, sitting down in my own car to head out for groceries, I felt an unpleasant twinge in my lower back - an unpleasant twinge that would be slightly worse by the time I got to the grocery but not much more than unpleasant all day. That changed by nighttime. Finding a position where my back wouldn't go into spasms took quite a while, and when I woke u[p in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I thought I might never properly stand up or sit down again. Things seemed better when I first got up this morning but that changed abruptly just after I sat on the toilet. My morning business has never been so painful and complicated before. Getting my grandma up and around was excruciating as well, although I will give her credit for showing concern and even remembering what she's concerned about. As the day has progressed things have loosened up a bit and things are tolerable - which is good because I never would have been able to endure what I was going through this morning for a whole day. Hopefully this will heal. If I could just take a couple days off and rest I feel fairly certain this would be no issue at all, but of course I can't even take a day off or even an hour. This highlights my concerns about even something like what would happen if I twisted an ankle - a not-so-unlikely possibility considering the number of times I go up and down the stairs per day (and the stairs have no railing). So, as usual, it's just fun, fun, fun here with my grandma. The Marquis de Sade would love it. Posted at 11:08 AM
The lack of order may be killing me faster than any of the other things. Posted at 9:18 AM
The last few days with my grandma have been very frustrating and tiring. She is about one step away from being bedridden at this point because her anxiety is gripping her so strongly that she won't even try to stand up let alone walk. She gives up before she even begins, and consequently things have been difficult to say the least. I can manage a great deal, and I can figure innovative ways to solve many problems, but the bottom line is that there is a certain point where I'll have no choice but to just keep my grandma in bed all day and feed, bathe, and do everything there. I've wanted to keep that from happening for as long as possible, but if she's just going to give up like she seems to be doing, there is not much choice left in the matter. I'm still hopeful that this is just a bad stretch and she will turn around a bit and be better, but that may just be wishful thinking. For now it's a tough time. I'll just have to keep on keepin' on for now. Posted at 11:07 AM
No, you don't 'get it', so just shut the fuck up. Posted at 10:43 AM
I will never be able to sleep, relax, or earn enough to make up for any of this. Posted at 10:40 AM
If Dora the Explorer had a sex change when she became a teenager would she become Hunky Dory? Posted at 11:12 AM
It's great that the adult day care center provides transportation for my grandma, saving me the time and effort of driving her to the center, but it would be a lot nicer if there were any consistency to their timing. Tuesday they arrived after 10 AM, about the same as the previous Thursday. Today they arrived just before 9 AM. And drop off is not much different. They've brought my grandma back as soon as 4 PM and as late as 5:15PM. Over an hour each time is a big window. I understand that they can't be expected to pinpoint their times, but having things down to a window of a half hour or less would help. Or heck, just call me if you're running late. At least then I know what's going on and can try to make adjustments to plans. Seriously, with only six hours of my grandma being away - and part of that spent waiting for receipt of a home cooked meal from Meals-on-Wheels - I have little time to do everything. I have to fix and eat lunch during that time and do all the errands and tasks that need to be done for the whole week. That's a huge amount of stuff to crunch into a few small hours. And with variable start and end times it's even harder. All I'm asking for, folks, is a semblance of consistency, some degree of predictability, or failing those, at least some courtesy with a simple phone call. Is that really so much to ask for? Posted at 9:30 AM
Sherwood Schwartz has died. While I was amused by 'The Brady Bunch', it never really grabbed me. 'Gilligan's Island', on the other hand, was my favorite TV show pretty much throughout my childhood, and I still love it even now. The silly, slapstick humor in 'Gilligan's Island' was in many ways the last bastion of Vaudeville and the last remnant of slapstick physical comedy, particularly in the style of Laurel & Hardy, a pair largely recreated in Gilligan and the Skipper. Simple and predictable, 'Gilligan's Island' was just fun. It made no attempt to be great TV or to have depth or meaning. It was purely set to make its audience laugh - and it always succeeded. Sherwood Schwartz has died, but his legacy will live on. I only wish that 'Gilligan's Island' were still on in syndication like it once was in an almost ubiquitous way. Now you hardly ever see it. Why 'The Brady Bunch' gets an almost constant spot on TV Land but not 'Gilligan's Island' is beyond me. It is a great injustice. Thank you, Sherwood Schwartz, for my favorite show of childhood. There would have been far fewer laughs and much fewer moments of happiness without you.
Posted at 11:27 AM
I've had enough with Summer heat. Where's the wonderful cool crispness of Fall - not too cold but certainly not too hot like it is now? Posted at 8:56 AM
My mother is gone again following a short visit. I was still doing everything to take care of my grandma regarding bathing and dressing and moving her about and taking her to the bathroom, but my mother was able to prepare meals for my grandma and watch over her and spend time with her. That gave me a little less stress, but with appointments every day last week it didn't give me any real free time or rest. My mom helped - don't get me wrong. It actually was a nice change from the normal routine for me, and with so much going on last week it was probably fortunate that my mom was around to do little things here and there; otherwise it may have simply been to much to handle, because it was all at a rapid pace without much in the way of breaks. As usual my mom had things she needed from me, and there were things I had to do to accommodate a visitor, but that didn't add too much onto things. Still, I'm not displeased that my mom is gone. The extra help is nice - and I'd appreciate such help much more often - but after such a crazy week I just want a simple week that goes back to the more typical routine and simpler life. The simpler life taking care of my grandma is hard enough as it is. I have one more doctor's appointment today for my grandmother, and so far today has been a rush from one thing to the next getting things done and ready, but starting this evening things should go back to a somewhat less crazy pace - I hope! Here's to a slower pace, even if it's a tough slog. It beats the tough slog at lightning speed any day. Posted at 11:59 AM
What? You expect something insightful or funny? Really? Have you been reading this lately? Posted at 9:53 AM
I must be getting even older than I've thought. Every person of even minor notoriety that dies is significant to me in at least some way. It used to be that I either had no idea who these people were, knew who they were but had no connection or interest, or didn't care one way or the other. I'm not quite to the point where I'll be scanning the Obituaries like most old people ghoulishly do, but I do notice this enough to see it as another change in my perceptions of the world due to age. It's very disconcerting. Posted at 10:13 AM
Doing the right thing should be much more rewarding than this. Posted at 11:21 AM
Oh for a pleasant surprise - just about anything in fact. Just something pleasant and not depressing, upsetting or horrible. Posted at 9:12 AM
<sigh> Posted at 10:22 AM
I don't think have the strength to deal with both my grandma AND my mom together. Either at one time would be enough, but now both?? Posted at 8:12 AM
Don't tread on me, motherfucker! Posted at 12:30 PM
Sad. Posted at 10:16 AM
Will my head explode first or will my hands fall apart first? The race is on. Posted at 10:35 AM
Why won't she just sleep? Isn't the senility bad enough without her having too little sleep as well? And all she has to do is just go back to sleep if and when she wakes up during the night, but nooooo ... that would be too simple. Couldn't have that - that might make things go more smoothly, and we cant have that. Nope. No way. Everybody's gotta suffer. Posted at 10:56 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © July 2011
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July 31, 2011
