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| message board February 2012
Go take a leap, year. Posted at 9:37 AM
If you don't believe in luck then you probably have some. Posted at 9:27 AM
Why? Why? Why? Posted at 12:42 PM
H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S. Posted at 9:34 AM
I don't want to do this any more. Not any of it. I'm just not any good at the game of life. Posted at 9:40 AM
Will this migraine never end? Posted at 11:03 AM
This is no way to live. Posted at 10:11 AM
If my head doesn't explode from the migraine then it will from the information overload. I just found out today that my grandma hasn't been on her Namenda prescription medication the whole time she was in the hospital and in the care center - not because I didn't list it as part of her medications but because her primary physician (who is incompetent) said she didn't need it. Now I understand why my grandma has deteriorated so much mentally. I had thought it was from being tired during her recovery, yet instead (even though that was surely part of it) she hasn't had the Namenda slowing her mental decay. Now, even if I can get her prescription resumed (which is in question), we'll never get back the level of cognitive function that she's lost over the past five and a half weeks. I am so mad I could spit. Meanwhile, three different nurses have said things that make me suspect my grandma is going to be sent home soon, regardless of the fact that she has much further to go with her therapy. I don't know for sure here what is going on, but it's far more than a coincidence to have three different people talk about plans for taking her home when nobody has talked about this at all since the day we went in. My head is seriously killing me. Just cut the damn thing off. Posted at 1:49 PM
Why, oh why, must this migraine keep going, but why must it rage so hard? I am in constant pain this past week - better with the effects of the medicine, but honestly if it's this bad with the medication how could I endure more? It's bad enough when the medication starts to wear out, and at least then I can take more to dull the agony. I've had enough, thank you. This can stop any time now. Posted at 9:28 AM
Wake up, Sleeping Beauty; wake up. My grandmother during my visits more often than not. I don't want to wake her because I know she needs any sleep she gets and will regain her strength more quickly with good sleep, but it's difficult to just stand there and watch her (or sometimes, when the nurses haven't piled the one chair full of things I can sit and watch her). I feel helpless enough as it is, unable to do anything that will help my grandma, and the one thing I can do, namely encourage her and talk to her, doesn't happen nearly as often as it should. This whole situation drives me crazy. One day she looks like she's really making great strides at improving; the next day she acts as though it's just a short matter of time until she gives up entirely. And the care facility doesn't help anything because you only get information by asking specifically for what you want to know, and some things - like when she can or should come home - will just be arbitrarily decided on some random day - possibly today, possibly two months from now. Who knows? It's bad enough feeling unable to help her; it's worse having no idea of what to expect for the next day, week, or month. It's insane. Unfortunately I can't just give my grandma a loving kiss on her forehead and make everything better and have her rise from her sleep, fully restored to her senses and with all of her strength. That's never going to happen in any variation. But it would be nice if she could come back home with some degree of regained strength, and that's what I'm hoping we can get from her therapy. But who knows? It's all completely unwritten. Posted at 11:12 AM
The free trial of SiriusXM radio in my car ran out yesterday. Meh. I'll admit that I liked the signal quality and the variety - particularly good electronic music options - but I simply can't justify spending $15 per month for something I can do without. In fact I'll probably be even happier going back to my iPod and listening to exactly what I want to hear. And really, no matter how many offers of two or three free months for signing up for 6- or 12- months subscriptions still doesn't make it any more reasonable. It's a significant amount of money for something that I can do without and not even miss. It's quite simple. Posted at 10:04 AM
So headachy. So tired. Posted at 10:31 AM
I'm beginning to doubt that the recall on all Excedrin products will be over by the time I run out of Excedrin Migraine - even though I had a huge back-up supply. What I'll do without something to mitigate my migraines I don't know. How am I supposed to endure the pain? Posted at 10:55 AM
... and even after all of the years I've suffered through these, who could have imagined that my migraine could get this much worse? Posted at 1:54 PM
Migraines and sleep deprivation - the match made in hell. Posted at 9:27 AM
No VD for me. Posted at 9:41 AM
I stayed up later than I should have last night, but I wanted to finish the last of Avatar: The Last Airbender - and I did. I got hold of all three seasons at the right price (free) for viewing, and I wanted to see all of it. I'd enjoyed the artwork and action when I'd seen it before, but I'd never been able to watch it in any sequential order so I didn't even try. I can now happily say it was worth the wait. The artwork was wonderful - very realistically realized in the muscle tone and movement for the characters and beautiful in a simple form. The storyline was also artistically created, blending classic Chinese, Japanese, Hindu, and Native American cultural concepts seamlessly. One of my fascinations with ancient cultures is the similarities in belief systems and in similar concepts of the nature of natural forces, and this series draws upon all of those similarities to show how similar all people are. One of the truly beautiful things about the show is that race is never an issue. The only dividing line - when any at all - is based upon nationhood and the basic concept of "we're better than them" - a true cause of most of the conflicts between nations throughout the history of the world. When someone's nation of origin is unknown in the series then everyone treats each other well. Problems arise when "the other" is revealed, and showing so simply how ugly this sort of treatment can be is a powerful message to send to anyone of any age. I hope it gets through to people, even if merely subconsciously. I also feel that the creators of the show were spot-on with the portrayals of people with regards to their ages. I was very pleased to see that children don't act stoic and mature all of the time and children of various ages aren't just written to be the same way either. Each age group is different and authentic - whether 10, 13, 14, 17, 29, 49, or 89. That is true in life, and the writers and artists captured it beautifully. That is the best part of this and what I appreciate the most. Yes, it is a fiction story set in a fantasy world, but it is more realistic and observant of human beings than most anything on TV or in theatres today. Well done. Posted at 9:37 AM
So, so very tired. Posted at 9:39 AM
Soooooo .... Yesterday was another crazy day. I had a call in the morning from Providence Care Center - where my grandma's recovering - that my grandma was running a temperature about three degrees above normal and was coughing up some yellow phlegm, not unlike what they'd seen from some other residents during a run of flu in the entire center. They had called her doctor and were told to send her to the emergency room, so they were informing me. I went to the emergency room but my grandma wasn't there. So I waited. And she wasn't there. As it turns out, Providence had only just called the ambulance service when they called me, and being as there was no emergency they didn't rush. Thus they got my grandma to the emergency room about two hours later. Once my grandma was in the emergency room they ran some tests, debated whether it was the flu, a urinary tract infection, or pneumonia (which to me would seem drastically different and not too hard to differentiate). They gave her some antibiotics with a prescription for follow-up antibiotic treatments, and after the passage of about six hours or so sent her back to Providence Care Center. All of this made for a long, frustrating day. My grandma endured it all well, and other than being tired she wasn't uncomfortable from any of the procedures or even from the sickness. For the most part she just slept, in fact, which I felt was for the best all around. I'm pleased that the people at Providence Care were attentive enough to be on top of my grandma's condition that they noticed the cough and the increase in temperature almost immediately. I'm frustrated with the doctor that she would just shuffle my grandma off to the emergency room rather than check her out herself, but I can let that go. Mostly, though, I'm just tired and worried about my grandma and her recovery. Just as I think she's getting stronger and more physically capable - more ready to return home - she gets sick and weak all over again. This cycle of one illness after another happens to very old people quite often and sadly often descends only in death. I know my grandma is a fighter and has strong vitals, but one sickness after another will wear anyone down, and this sort of thing, if it keeps recurring, could be fatal. And there's nothing I can do about any of it. This is all very upsetting. Posted at 9:30 AM
<Sigh> Posted at 9:46 AM
Drink your troubles away, people of the world. Do you really think it's that simple? Don't you think I would drink to oblivion if it truly made a difference, if it truly solved anything, made the pain go away? The sorrows of the world never leave, even if you don't remember them when you're drunk. They're always waiting, always there. Becoming a drunk asshole or a drunk with wild abandon doesn't change any of that, it just makes you an ass or an idiot to everyone around you who isn't drunk. Congratulations. Posted at 10:26 AM
Depression makes a big impression that no one will be suppressin'. Any dissention is in suspension during this detention. Pay attention, there's no known prevention - no action that gains traction ... merely bitter oblivion , reflection lacking passion. Posted at 10:01 AM
There should be more than this ... better than this ... potential ... hope ... Instead there's just the same dead, dark emptiness ... the same dead end. Posted at 9:30 AM
Happy Birthday, Nora - wherever you are. Posted at 9:09 AM
No hope, Mr. Obama (and everyone else). No hope. Posted at 9:24 AM
Why do I still have this damned cough, months after it started? Posted at 9:18 AM
Still tired. Will there ever be enough time to sleep? Posted at 9:46 AM
More Winter, eh, groundhog? You think you're so smart? We'll see about this ... Posted at 9:34 AM
Tired ... yet again ... Posted at 9:56 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © February 2012
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