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| message board June 2014
Off from one version of hell and back to another. This must be how Sisyphus and Tantalus felt. Posted at 6:54 AM
I had left the town of sand, Days passed, then years, I was part and the whole of a wasteland, Posted at 7:32 AM
Off again, wasting gas and time and sanity. Joy. Posted at 7:28 AM
Why? Posted at 7:23 AM
It's a shame I have to understand the world so well that my expectations of things getting worse regularly come true. It's a sad thing that the world manages to disappoint me and make pessimism into realism. Posted at 7:51 AM
This world is a horrible, horrible place filled with horrible, horrible people. How depressing that this is as good as humanity can do. So much potential yet so much disdain and abandon. It's shameful. Posted at 7:15 AM
I'm tired of living in a world where people make completely baseless assumptions and twist any observations rather than simply ask questions or have things explained to them or at a minimum wait for more information to become available than simply to jump to conclusions and turn the best of the works of man into a perceived scheme or an assumed attempt at getting away with something. I find little reason to do anything of any meaning or substance when not only will people not appreciate my efforts and results but will ignore all that has been done, believe anything they see is a trick, and be sure anything I say must be a lie or self-serving. Well fuck all of you. I don't need this shit. Posted at 6:56 AM
After the way things went last week at work it's hard to believe things could be any worse ... Here's to hoping that this week at work won't be as bad or any worse than last week. Posted at 7:31 AM
... and so it's fixed ... somehow ... With the secondary ftp program set up and working, I went back and tried to put the same settings into Dreamweaver once again (I had done this before after the problem had first appeared). For whatever reason the changes made a difference this time and worked, so I'm back to normal functionality for uploading files to this website. ... and now back to our program, already in progress ... Posted at 7:54 AM
Well ... back in the mix at least ... but with a separate ftp program - I still can't get ftp on Dreamweaver to work on either computer. If this works (we'll see if this uploads and displays) then I at least have a workable work-around, but that's not really very satisfying. I've been doing this for thirteen and and a half years with Dreamweaver working perfectly for my needs, and everything going smoothly. This is really quite annoying. Posted at 6:21 AM
... and no matter how I try to avoid them I still get abused by people that get a thrill out of hurting and demeaning others. It's bad enough I've had to deal with this sort of shit from my sister for all these years, but there's always someone else that wants to attack and attack and attack and claim to have done nothing wrong. Well this time, Tim, the 911 operator and the police heard enough to see who and what you truly are and to be clear about what you did. I don't need this shit in my life, and if it takes calling the police and having your sorry ass hauled away, you can count on it.
Always a pain in the ass. Now the Net Barrier software killed my ftp uploading on my laptop, so I can't post new Journal entries until I figure out how to fix this. A full uninstall does nothing; adjusting the firewall settings does nothing; revising connection configurations does nothing - it's beyond frustrating. How can I have this problem and no solution?
I've been making great (and surprising) strides at getting on top of things at work, and the minimal outside help I've been getting from our couple-hours-a-week tax preparer and our couple-hours-a-week CPA have been a great help with knocking out even more. Things are finally starting to get almost under control, and it seems possible that by the beginning of July we could be fairly well organized and in control - still working on a few issues for taxpayers with the IRS but in control of things. It would be nice to be out from behind the eight ball and working at getting the office streamlined and optimally arranged for next tax season. It seems possible if only we can keep getting more on top of the remaining problems. Posted at 6:57 AM
It hurts to see a guy that I'm really attracted to. I' really rather just be isolated or only run into people who are (good-looking or not) not attractive to me. Even appreciating the person, while fascinating and captivating, is painful ... and then afterwards, once they've left (or are even just further across the same room), it aches. This pain, this emptiness ... it makes me miss Ken all the more ... and it makes me realize how inadequate I am for anyone like the one I've just seen. I've had that experience today - for barely more than a minute - and it has brought me low. The pain I feel most days pales in the face of this ... and I imagine that if this last for more than a day or two I could go insane or overcome my cowardice about committing suicide. Posted at 6:59 AM
I like and hate what I do at work, and I like and hate my work days. I suppose this is what it's like for just about everybody, but it's been a very long time for me to feel this way. Taking care of my grandma - while troubling - was something very rewarding; the work I did in my college class work was very satisfying; my time at da Vinci's - while brief and complicated - was satisfying in many ways; working for Kinko's was actually - with occasional exceptions - rewarding, enjoyable, satisfying, and even fun; and working for Snappy way back when was fulfilling and fun. The low-wage, simple jobs I had before that were drudgery and tiring and things to just force myself to and push until each day was over, but those jobs were twenty-five years ago. I guess I've been lucky. I have never been lucky enough to have my dream job or a job I truly loved, but I've had a lot of long-lasting jobs that were not a struggle to do. I wonder if I'll ever have that again. Posted at 7:06 AM
Wow. What an undeservedly exhausting day. Doing this little should be restful, not draining and the cause of aches and stiffness. Posted at 7:39 AM
6:14:06 14-6-14 The numbers in dates can be cool. Posted at 6:14 AM
It occurred to me yesterday morning before I left for work that the problem on my iMac that was making it impossible for me to upload my Journal entries pretty surely wasn't going on in my MacBook Pro, so lo and behold, I can upload again (although I do want to get it fixed on the iMac sooner rather than later). So Journal entries should be posted daily once again without a problem ... until the next problem. Posted at 7:45 AM
Having been empowered at work I'm getting a great deal done and out of the way. Today a CPA friend of Ron's will come in to review and file some more complex returns, and she will help us while Ron is away on leave. It's crazy busy there, but things are coming together.
Still down and unable to upload my Journal entries and I only just got a response e.mail from my webhost and it doesn't give me a quick fix, so no time to get this fixed yet. Typical for my life.
Damn piece of shit NetBarrier software screwed up my ftp transfer I use to upload my website. Arrrggg!!!
Back to hell.
Happy Birthday to my good friend Steve, now forty-seven like me (sucks, don't it?). Posted at 7:44 AM
I need a stress-free weekend soooo much. Here's hoping ... Posted at 6:36 AM
... and I though the height of the tax season was stressful at work ... Posted at 8:01 AM
Forget anything I said about any semblance of stability in my job (or my expectations of having my job last). Now I simply have no idea whether I'll have a job each day or not. It would almost be better to be told I didn't have a job any more; the knowing would be infinitely better than this ... whatever you could call this situation. Posted at 7:01 AM
Why does it go from nobody to everyone at once these days in the office. Seriously, an hour or two doing work but having no clients stop by or call and then ten calls and three or four clients in person all at once, plus some other things by fax or e.mail or whatever. Do they gang up like this intentionally, somehow knowing when to call/come? Posted at 7:03 AM
... and things get even more bizarre (even beyond what I would expect ... and I expect a lot of bizarre and stupid shit to happen) ... Posted at 6:30 AM
Woke up early and couldn't get to sleep yesterday despite being tired. I got more tired as the day progressed yet couldn't fall asleep for a nap, and despite a reasonable amount of sleep last night I still feel tired. Why do I always feel so tired? Posted at 7:01 AM
Not much to like ... Posted at 7:35 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © June 2014
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June 30, 2014
