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April 2015

 

bullet April 30, 2015

Yet another month dead and gone. It's like they hardly exist any more they pass so fast.

Posted at 7:29 AM
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bullet April 29, 2015

It could all be done so much better, so much easier, so much simpler ... and yet it never is.

Posted at 7:17 AM
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bullet April 28, 2015

Ugh. Monday was bad enough. Now I have to do this again?

Posted at 7:21 AM
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bullet April 27, 2015

Tire, stiff, achy, and headachy - with a blanketing wave of depression; it doesn't get better than this

(Seriously, it doesn't get better than this. That's the sad truth of the matter).

Posted at 6:54 AM
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bullet April 26, 2015

I really need to clean the apartment in a big way ... but it's just so nice to enjoy a lazy Sunday for once ...

Posted at 7:21 AM
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bullet April 25, 2015

Pickles.

Posted at 7:30 AM
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bullet April 24, 2015

I'm stuck playing the Game of Life but my spinner's broken.

Posted at 7:23 AM
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bullet April 23, 2015

How disappointing. I lost playing the lottery again. That was so unexpected.

Posted at 8:05 AM
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bullet April 22, 2015

Only Wednesday. Where is the weekend already?

Posted at 7:16 AM
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bullet April 21, 2015

As I grow older I understand my grandmother more and more. We were very much alike. I realized that a great deal when I moved in to take care of her, but the past year two years without her - for whatever reason - has revealed so much more of how I find myself thinking the way she though about things and feeling about things the way she felt about things.

Posted at 7:43 AM
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bullet April 20, 2015

I'm still feeling tired, as yesterday, and I can feel the darkness of depression deepening in me still, but the feeling of being sick-to-my-stomach that I had yesterday is not as bad - and I may know why.

In the nearly sixteen months I've been here I've been gaining weight - not much or anything at first and even during that busy move-in and first few months of the busy tax season I doubt I gained much of anything, but then, with the stress from work and with Peggy constantly bring in snack-food (and the kind I would rarely buy and eat on my own) I have gained and gained and gained until I am now at a point where nearly none of the clothes I worse last year fit and my belt it four notches looser. As a result I have tried to cut back my intake of food, I've done some walking in the Metropark as possible, and I'm trying to eat mostly decent foods, not crap.

The results are not visible yet, with having been at this less than a week, but I can feel the hunger and that I'm a bit weaker. Yesterday was, I think, my body crying out in revolt for having too little to get by, so I ate a large dinner (more than I wish I had in regards to losing weight but good for my body, I hope), and I'm better today by a bit. Hopefully I can find a balance that lets me lose weight but not feel horrible. That's the trick of course, isn't it?

Posted at 7:12 AM
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bullet April 19, 2015

Tired and slipping into depression.

Fun times.

Posted at 7:26 AM
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bullet April 18, 2015

Yesterday I was so worked up in expectation of coming in contact with Peggy and Ron and their verbally abusive tirades (which have been seemingly non-ending since they fired Steve)that the acid and bile in my stomach was churning and burning in a way I haven't experienced since childhood, when I would be terrified of what to expect from my alcoholic, abusive father when he was at home and not working at the fire department or on the construction crew. It's hard to believe that I hadn't thought about that deep, unsettling fear and the horrible effects it had upon me physically, and it's even harder to believe that I could be back in a situation where anyone could bring forth that reaction again.

I hate this. IT's simply amazing, but my life does just keep always getting worse and worse and worse.

Posted at 6:52 AM
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bullet April 17, 2015

I had a walk in the rain yesterday, although not intentionally.

I decided to take a walk in the nearby Metropark, Pearson Metropark, and after i had been on the trails a few minutes it started to lightly rain. It continued minimally for the next hour I walked, getting a little stronger by the end but never bad. I didn't get soaked and it was just warm enough that I didn't get cold, and it was rather nice, actually. But my shoulders are a bit stiff and I'm sure it's as a a result of that.

Now that have at least some free time available, I decided I wanted to walk an hour or two a day to: lose weight, get back a little stamina, and clear my head. I like this Metropark and always have, but it's sadly not my beloved Wildwood Metropark, and no matter how deeply into the woods you are you can hear cars constantly from the roads that box in this area. At Wildwood you heard ONLY the sounds of nature and nothing else, and that was very refreshing and peaceful. Of course Wildwood is much larger and has only one bordering street that has much traffic, and unfortunately it would take the better part of a half hour just to drive to Wildwood while Pearson is a couple minutes down the street where I live. So I'll have to make due.

And maybe I won't be in the rain too often.

Posted at 7:06 AM
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bullet April 16, 2015

At long last the tax season is over. It seemed like it took forever ... and it was only just far too long.

Posted at 8:32 AM
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bullet April 15, 2015

... and the insanity continues ...

Posted at 6:48 AM
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bullet April 14, 2015

So, Ron & Peggy have had the locks changed to the building and had Bernie open up and call the police when Steve arrived for work rather than tell Steve he was fired and allow him to collect his belongings like reasonable, mature adults (which, of course, they are the furthest thing from). Now I am caught in the middle of this simply because they need me for the last couple days of the tax season and without Steve to fix problems they'll need me even more.

I have no pity for the problems Ron & Peggy are causing themselves on the most chaotic days of the entire tax year - they brought this upon themselves and they should suffer. This sort of behavior is not only childish but bad for business, and this - specifically this - is why Ron has had such complete turnover of his staff (who not only want nothing to do with him but want their pound of flesh) but also is the reason for the huge loss of clients each year for the past five to six years. Going from nearly six thousand returns in a year to less than a thousand speaks volumes about your business, and in this case it speaks exactingly about Ron and his myriad of problems. Without Steve (and without me, because why would I ever return to this nightmare in any successive years) and without anyone except possibly BErnie (since nobody else wants to work under Ron or Peggy that was here this year), then they will have a minimal or inexperienced staff of unfamiliar faces with Ron refusing to take or answer calls or messages, Ron setting aside tax returns to work on "later" and Ron fraudulently manipulating tax returns to make his friends not have to pay taxes - these things and all of the other issues will cause the last of the clients to abandon ship, even after most of this year went so much better than any previous year.

And the fools think they can build the numbers back up or sell the business for a large sum, all the while ignoring their problems and doing very little to make the business more successful or more attractive to a buyer (and the only things that were done in that measure were done by Steve or myself based upon our ideas and our initiative and hard work). Let that business finally die the death it deserves. Sadly people are getting screwed by a great number of tax services, but this one is in its way worse than all the others.

Posted at 7:17 AM
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bullet April 13, 2015

So Ron tried to fire Steve last night ... which he can't do since he doesn't own the business any more, Peggy does ... so he told Peggy to fire Steve, and while Peggy did not do that and clearly doesn't want to (at least not yet, with three days left in the tax season and few people since she laid so many people off) ... but Peggy will be harangued by Ron incessantly at work and home and will probably give in. I've made clear to Peggy that my allegiance is to Steve, so we'll see where that leads. So who knows what today will bring? Could be any number of possibilities, none particularly good or appealing in one way or another, but each also having certain appealing aspects as well.

<Sigh> This is all far too ridiculous and frustrating and stressful.

Posted at 6:59 AM
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bullet April 12, 2015

How does anyone make a living anymore?

Posted at 6:59 AM
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bullet April 11, 2015

Bloody hell.

Posted at 6:44 AM
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bullet April 10, 2015

"The creative writer acts no differently from the child at play;
he creates a fantasy world, which he takes very seriously;
that is to say, he invests large amounts of emotion in it while
marking it off sharply from reality."

- Sigmund Freud ff

Posted at 7:18 AM
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bullet April 9, 2015

<Sigh>

Posted at 7:03 AM
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bullet April 8, 2015

Tired again ...

Posted at 6:49 AM
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bullet April 7, 2015

In the secret space of dreams
Where I dreaming lay amazed,
When the secrets all are told
And the petals all unfold,
When there was no dream of mine
You dreamed of me.

Posted at 6:44 AM
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bullet April 6, 2015

Ten more days of Hell. Than what?

Posted at 6:20 AM
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bullet April 5, 2015

Any happy Easter surprises this year? Any at all?

Posted at 7:46 AM
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bullet April 4, 2015

How is it that I repeatedly, invariably, fall in with abusive people that enjoy mistreating the people around them, people who can't easily get away ... people like me?

Posted at 6:27 AM
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bullet April 3, 2015

It's a crazy old world, and that's not a light-hearted condemnation.

Posted at 6:44AM
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bullet April 2, 2015

Would someone pay for classes in what NOT to do when running a business from someone who only does those things you shouldn't do? It would be a great way for my employer to turn a profit, I imagine, because making a profit in any one of the conventional ways businesses make money certainly seems to not be on the table.

Posted at 7:54 AM
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bullet April 1, 2015

I fuckin' hate my life - and no, this is not remotely an April Fool's joke.

Posted at 7:03 AM

 


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Journal, by Paul Cales, © April 2015