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| message board November 2015
I spent the last few days in Florida with my parents for Thanksgiving, flying most of the day on Thanksgiving day and most of the day yesterday, and having the traditional Thanksgiving meal a day late on Friday instead of Thursday. It was a nice visit filled with good food and a bit of needed down-time for me (although not as much as I could use). I was also able to help with some household projects which were too much for my parents with their various back issues and such, and I was happy to help. I do always enjoy feeling useful. It was a short visit, and the plane flights and layovers were very uncomfortable despite my in general feeling much better about sitting and walking under other circumstances, but it was fairly miserable on both travel day. Those are done, though, and I'm back and, while tired, prepared for a busy couple weeks full of appointments and work in the store. I think I'm up to it. Posted at 7:03 AM
There should never be a reason that anyone should have to intentionally wake up this early ... Posted at 4:41 AM
Tired this morning. Need more sleep. Posted at 8:03 AM
Sitting all day in seats that are too small and poorly padded is a bad idea for anyone who has just finished targeted chemo and radiation directed at the area where they sit. Despite healing up a great deal over the last few days and feeling much better, yesterday was quite unpleasant and certainly not an experience I hope to repeat again. Posted at 6:42 AM
Tired on Turkey Day. What to do .... Posted at 6:27 AM
More goofy stuff. Why can't a day pass where I don't have continuing or new crap that has to be attended to (and without any particularly valid reason why I have to do it)? Posted at 7:48 AM
I missed one question on my exam, so I passed missing only three questions macros all of the exams quizzes and graded reviews, so that was done well. And the day at the store went okay. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, but it was a good start. There's still a lot to do. I'm a bit tired today, and while I only have very few things to do, I think some of it will tire me out a bit - and I'm already stating out tired out! But what can you do? Posted at 6:48 AM
I take my final exam for my class this morning and then work the rest of the day at my store. I'm anxious about both and also tired. It may be a long day. I hope I make it through okay. Posted at 6:24 AM
... and now snow. Just one more thing to add to the mix. Posted at 7:28 AM
I worked at my store yesterday morning and early afternoon, getting into a little of everything to get some overall ideas of all that needs to be done during this preseason activity, and for the most part I survived it well, not getting as fatigued as I feared, not getting light-headed once, and bearing the pain and discomfort in my backside fairy well. I fact while I was quite uncomfortable by the time I left, it was nothing like at the last managers meeting or even the day I spent at the Emergency Room. I can only hope this means the new combination of drugs & treatments we're trying is working better and that, perhaps, I'm actually healing. But that borders on hoping, and I learned a long time ago that for me, all hope is lost (or at least not to be allowed). Posted at 8:01 AM
I get so easily fatigued now that I'm tired and have to stop a moment for most every type of movement. This is a preview of old age, and I don't like it at all. Posted at 6:29 AM
Yesterday was another full one: class in the morning, a follow-up appointment with my radiation oncologist and the radiation nurses, and then an extremely lengthy stay in the Emergency Room running every test imaginable because I was running a slight fever and everyone was worried about a possible infection. I appreciated their concerns, and I was concerned too, but I'd skipped lunch thinking I could grab something after the short half-hour doctor's follow-up. Score one for the universe and make a note that I really should know better by now about setting myself up for such things. By the time I got back to the apartment, ate, showered, soaked in the tub and dried off, I was dead-exhausted, and I lay in my bed and went quickly to sleep ... and didn't get up until, for me, a bit late. Clearly I needed it, but I'm still feeling quite weak. That's the way things are for the moment, I guess, but I'll sure be happy when this al stops getting worse and starts getting better. Posted at 7:48 AM
Yesterday's meeting was horrible. I went in feeling pretty bad as it was but committed to go. That may have been a mistake as it was. I had a headache and pain and some severe discomfort in other areas, mild nausea, continuo's gas, and unpredictable bouts of light-headedness. Fun. By the time the meeting ended after 5:30 PM I had been in pain for more than an hour, partly from the normal pain and partly from the pads and underwear I wear to try to control the two types of discharge. The pads and underwear felt as though they were cutting deeper and deeper into my flesh. Again, fun. The light-headedness was so severe when it came on that I was probably foolish to drive myself back to the apartment, but I was so anxious to get away from everything that the rest of the day had represented that I just drove and did it. BY the time I had a painful shower and a soak and ate some dinner I was a little better, but I still felt quite awful, quite aching and in pain, and quite miserable. Sleep has helped a bit, but I am still very exhausted and still have pain in certain areas that I didn't before, so there was a toll to be paid for attending yesterday's meeting, apparently. Still more fun. I've had enough fun for the week already. Let's not go through this again, please. Posted at 6:24 AM
I feel quite horrible this morning in a variety of ways, and I have an all-day meeting I must attend. Of course. The universe doesn't like me for some reason. Posted at 6:36 AM
This was a busy (and productive) weekend, but it was almost entirely in the apartment, and that helped. Today and most of the week will be busy but out in the world, and that brings with it other challenges due to walking, sitting, less access to the bathroom, and more to fatigue me. Fun! Posted at 6:37 AM
Yesterday was long and tiring, but I got the things accomplished that I wanted to ... even though it took me until 10:30 PM. Today will also be quite busy as I have a lot of class modules to do for my office manager training. Hopefully I'll finish a bit earlier, though. I'm already tired. Posted at 7:15 AM
Laundry's already started and I'm trying to get myself cleaned up so I can move to other things. Lots of classwork and manager classes to get done today, and surely not remotely enough time. The goal is simply to get as much accomplished as possible. Posted at 7:19 AM
It's Friday the 13th. "Jason Vorhees, take me away!" Posted at 7:52 AM
I wonder if just letting the cancer go on its own course would have resulted in this much discomfort ad pain. Probably, but it's hard to feel like this was the right choice when I'm so miserable. Posted at 6:29 AM
Today will be my lat day of radiation therapy. Unfortunately the effects will continue to build for at lest the next two week because of the way the body reacts to this, so the radiation burns and pain will probably only get worse. What fun. Posted at 6:32 AM
I got a lot done today, but I'm paying the price in pain and exhaustion ... Posted at 7:09 AM
Hoping you don't pass out while finishing your small amount of shopping at Meijer while waiting for your prescription to be filled is not a great position to be in. Posted at 6:35 AM
I am so far behind on things and have so much to do, and yet all I want to do is sleep, I'm so exhausted. Posted at 7:40 AM
Less nausea, more pain in my groin - not necessarily an improvement. Posted at 6:32 AM
I am entirely sick of being nauseous. And please don't ask me if I give a shit about diarrhea. Posted at 6:41AM
Welcome back, constant headache, painful heartburn, and bouts of nausea. Just set yourself there near diarrhea, radiation burns, and exhaustion. It's a malady party!! Posted at 7:34 AM
Well-rested this morning yet strangely tired ... or maybe not strangely since I am getting chemotherapy and radiation therapy and I'm supposed to be weak and or tired. I take it almost for granted that I'm tolerating the treatments so well, so when I get nauseous or diarretic or tired or achy it's almost a surprise. I'll still be happy when the treatment's all over and a few weeks past when all of the effects are beginning to fade away and I can maybe get back to some sort of "normal." Posted at 6:48 AM
Honestly, I can't even talk about yesterday ... it's just that maddening and depressing. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about it, but it's still driving me crazy. It's hard to say if there were any positives yesterday. I'm sure there must have been, but there were so many negatives on top of the one colossal fuck-up, that's it's hard to be remotely objective. I need to leave it at that. Part of me just wants to spit vitriol and part of me wants to cry out my pain of why my life is a constant barrage of this kind of misery, but I'm just going to stop. Stop. Posted at 7:30 AM
I got a lot done yesterday (no new crap came up to add to the pile for the first time in over a week). I'm still woefully behind where I should be for the management classes for Block, but there's nothing I can do until possibly later today. This week I might be able to get closer to caught up with that stuff as well ... hopefully. Despite being busy getting stuff done all day, I did it all in the confines of my apartment, and as a result the day wasn't as draining as most lf my days have been. I'm still a bit tired, but feeling okay, and knowing how much more caught up I am truly makes an impact as well. A potentially difficult week starts today, though, so we'll see how I fare. Posted at 5:28 AM
Having turned in the rental car Friday night, I had Steve kindly drive me to Elyria to sign a few papers. This ended up being the full-on signing for the car - including payment for which I hadn't brought a check - even though I wouldn't get the car until next Saturday (if things go to plan). I specifically asked "What should I bring with me?" and was told my driver's license, insurance info, and my registration for my old car. No problem. No talk of brining a checkbook, however. That was only the start of confusion. The ensuing ridiculousness of what I do believe was a clear misunderstanding that wouldn't have happened if we'd been face to face and not acting over the phone, but the price they expected was a couple thousand higher than the "Out the door" price I was told over the phone because they had included the money down. Of course When I was told the "Out the door price, tax and title included," I hadn't yet been asked for a deposit or told a deposit amount, and unsurprisingly, I though "Out the door, bottom line" meant the full and final sales price. And being as I"m poor and don't have the extra funds to cover that, I stood firm and they eventually adjusted the price for me. THat was a small miracle I'm thankful for. Unfortunately what I had expected would be an hour and a half drive each way with about a half hour of brief discussion and signing took all of the morning and most of the afternoon because I was never told what we would be doing. Consequently my H&R Block homework was delayed yet again, and I spent last night, like the night before, working on Block homework until after 9 PM< practically falling asleep as I did so. But at least now I'm caught up for next week and ready for when I next attend classes. Now if only I could say I had even started doing the studies for the Block Office Leader homework ... So today I'm doing laundry and packing and a bunch of other stuff, frantically trying to get a million things done. I think it will be a miracle if I ever catch up at this point. Posted at 7:07 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © November 2015
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November 30, 2015
