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| message board October 2015
Yesterday I went back to the body shop and retrieved the wheel locks and floor mats and cargo tray from my car as I had realized the night before that these were accessories and not part of the car and therefore mine - and I was leaning toward trying to get a new Veloster after having compared cars online the night before. I went from there to test drive the few cars I found to be affordable in my range and to meet my criteria - it was a short list, sadly, of just five cars from three brands. I came out of it realizing I was going to be very disappointed in anything other than the Veloster - which was a problem because it was the most expensive of all I looked at. I sat with the salesman at each location to haggle prices, and at Hyundai I pointed out the customer loyalty discount I should get and also the $4000 off they were offering to people who leased a new Veloster, not because I planned to lease but because it showed they had some flexibility. I told them what my settlement had been for my old car and what the most I wanted to spend (not much more), and I made clear I knew that that was thousands under what their list price was for the car even with no extras beyond the main package I wanted added on. At Hyundai I also made clear I was going to call Elyria Hyundai to get a quote since they had done so well by me with my last car, and the salespeople in PErrysburg told me to call when I had Elyria's quote and they'd make a counter-offer. Thereafter commenced a long, frustrating day of phone calls from and two both Hyundai dealerships, but in the end it turned out well. Elyria met my dream price (somehow) meaning my new car will cost me nearly $5000 less than the original, and it will be a near match. I put money down and will go to Elyria this morning to sign a bunch of paperwork. The car is in Baltimore, however, so they will retrieve it next week and I'll go back to Elyria next Saturday to sign the rest of the paperwork, pay the balance, and drive away in a new car (if all works to plan). It was a crazy busy day, and I didn't get done with the things I had planned and needed to do (which has been the same for each day for the past couple weeks), but I'm glad this seems to be arranged and out of the way. There's still a lot to do to finalize things, but it leaves less for me to worry about. One worry out of thousands down, too many to go ... Posted at 6:56 AM
Yesterday my wonderful little car was declared a total loss. I am sad. : ( In one sense it is good because I knew no matter how good the body shop, it would never be quite right ever again if it were repaired. On the other hand, however, while the settlement amount was reasonable and in line with Blue Book values, it leaves me short by a good bit for where I want/need to be for any new car, despite the fact I'm looking at the lowest-priced cars in the market (well, not the lowest priced because they're pieces of crap, but the lowest priced compact cars that are economical). And of course now I have to spend all sorts of time researching, test driving, and wheeling and dealing to get a car in a daily schedule that is already far too full - and I have to do it faster than fast. Ugh. Yet another thing to complicate my life. Posted at 5:51 AM
My new job started yesterday with a whole day of training to start an amazing schedule of training over the next couple months that will, added with what I already have going, make for a challenge. I didn't et to attend the entire day's training, sadly, because I had my midterm exam in the class I'm already taking and because of course I had my daily radiation treatment and my weekly appointment with my radiation oncologist. I made it to and through everything though, even though it tired me out a good bit. The big thing now is juggling all of these classes and other classes and appointments and tests and such and still finding time for the homework and home studies I have - and for the time I'll be spending in my stores as a new manager trying to learn all of the ropes and cover various positions during active service (and these days haven't been set yet, so I can't even figure how they fall into the schedule as yet). It's exciting but concerning as well, mostly because I know I'll be getting more and more tired and in pain over the next few weeks. In the weeks following that, past chemo and radiation, things should gradually relieve themselves, but that will take time, and while I should be quite past all of it by tax season, how I'll be doing even by Christmas is a big question. We'll see, I guess. Posted at 7:12 AM
Two good things came about yesterday ... although neither of them nor even both together make up for my car being ruined ... First, my second replacement TV came through UPSS from Amazon and this one was undamaged and works great! So I was able to watch TV in bed again (which might not be big to you, but when sitting is painful, particularly the longer I sit, watching TV while lying down in bed is much better than watching from a chair in the living room). And secondly, but of no less importance, I was offered the job as Office Leader for H&R Block for the Southland location (which is where the DIstrict Offices are also housed) as well as the Broadway location (I'll be managing both). The pay is honestly pretty minimal for a management role, but it's a bit more than I would have gotten as a Tax Professional and will be a different role that could lead to bigger things potentially. Plus it will look good on my resume and should help to make my earlier management experience seem relevant even though before now I haven't been a manager for 17 years. So those were good things. I was also tired yesterday, weary more like, and got light-headed on a couple of occasions, and I have some serious radiation burn developing that are causing some pain on a more frequent basis. Oh the fun. I also was able to secure a rental car, so Steve has been relived of being my personal taxi driver (although he departs with my greatest thanks). The coming days and weeks are going to be busy as now I have to add Office Leader training sessions to the mix of things, and I was already feeling too busy before, so this should add to the fun. We shall l see. Posted at 6:15 AM
Well, yesterday was another roller-coaster ride of everything I've come to expect from life. In the early morning I realized that I had inadvertently corrected a problem I'd been unable to solve. While I was in the hospital I had my laptop with me and was writing and posting Journal entries to my website - for a couple days anyway. On the third day I had a warning about something with my firewall. I casually dismissed it as an issue with my connection through the hospital (and it may have indirectly started as that), but I clearly chose the wrong choice and my ftp upload for my website files was shut down. No matter what I did in Dreamweaver on in System Preferences, nothing worked. I had hope that once I got back to the apartment and got my iMac back from Apple I would be able to run things smoothly from there. But no. The full drive wipe wasn't a problem in that my Time Machine backup through Apple's software allowed me to restore my iMac to where it had been before it manifested its problems. Unfortunately the one thing that didn't restore perfectly was my Adobe Creative Suite of products. They have a verification operation that operates at the deepest levels and basically tries to make sure people aren't just copying complete files to a new system. Unfortunately that is basically what Time Machine was doing in my restore. The problem was that Adobe made no method to verify the software after that - it won't even let me open a single Adobe application. And I have found no way to contact Adobe or any solutions to my problem in the forums - and since Adobe has gone to a model of pretty much forcing their customers to buy their products through the Cloud with a monthly cost, I can't afford to buy an upgrade to make things work - and I shouldn't have to! I paid for this product and it is still fully functional on my version of the OS ... just not on my iMac. Now while my MacBook Pro wouldn't upload the ftp files, it would run, and I could at least write Journal entries each day. So I kept doing that, but my days have been crazy busy and when I attempted to fix the problem I got nowhere. The only thing I hadn't done was downloaded and external ftp client. I researched a few and had the url for the programs I wanted to try, but I'd also just updated my MacBook Pro to the new OS, El Capitan (having been using the new version on my iMac without incident and figuring it was safe to have both computers fully up to date. So this morning, on a lark, I tried to connect to ftp after I wrote my Journal entry and it connected. I am sure it was a modification during the system upgrade, and I was and am very pleased. I had a class and a few errands to run in the morning, and things were going well until, just as I was turning into a church parking lot where I was going to a food pantry for people receiving cancer treatments, I was hit by a car. To be more specific, my car was hit by a car. But while i have some abrasions on my left arm and a welt on the left side of my neckline from the side curtain airbags, I feel truly devastated because by pristine, spotless, low-mileage car will never be in such perfect condition ever again. I certainly hope the body shop does great work, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I hope it's so much as good as new after they if it that I can't see where there was ever a problem, but I know enough about how cars are after accidents to know that's completely unrealistic. I had a million calls to make, till had radiation therapy and lab tests to run, and still had a second interview with H&R Block, and thanks to my friend STeve giving up his day to be my chauffeur I was able to get those things done. It was a sucky day, though, and despite my fairly upbeat attitude through everything with the cancer diagnosis and treatment, my iPhone dying and getting replaced, my iMac dying and getting fixed, my web program having ridiculous problems, and my TV dying and the replacement I bought from Amazon coming damaged and having to be sent back, I've still persevered and not been down or angry or anything but positive and nice - until today. My car being defiled like this and never being the same is terribly upsetting to me and I can't really explain why. I sort of understand why this bothers me so, but I don't really. I just know it's very upsetting and depressing in a way that nothing else has been lately. I wish there was something positive to take from this, and I suppose most people would tell me to be happy to be alive - but I'm not. I never am. It's things like my car getting slammed today that make me wonder why I make any effort to survive at all and don't just give up. I don't like being alive, and no matter how hard I try, stupid random, fucked up shit like this just happens and happens and happens to me and without corresponding positive stuff. Sure, I can upload my website files now, but that's only good because some random shit that fucked me over earlier - and it's certainly not enough of a positive to balance out the ruining of my car and the resultant problems I now have to deal with. I just don't see why I shouldn't just stay in my apartment , rolled in a ball until my money runs out and then just hopefully quietly die somehow. Why keep trying when it's abundantly clear what is always expected to happen to me. It's all completely pointless. Posted at 6:36 AM
I'm "feeling the burn" of the radiation therapy throughout my loins, and I'm back today for more. To think I'm only barely past the half-way point and that this is cumulative in effect is not a pleasant thought. I have so much to look forward to. Posted at 6:47 AM
Despite a full, good night's sleep, I am tired today. Maybe weary is a better word. I need to rest and relax and rejuvenate. The cancer treatment is definitely grinding me down, but so is my schedule with all of the unexpected stuff people keep demanding of me. I just want to rest, folks! Leave me alone!
Never think, "This is the worst that can happen and darn it, it's probably going to happen to me," because the universe can ALWAYS make it worse. Trust me.
How can I be this busy EVERY DAY when I don't currently have a job? It boggles the mind.
Apparently miracles do happen - at least small ones. Somehow or another I managed to get everything accomplished that was scheduled yesterday - and without being late for anything, which the day before I had thought unlikely if not impossible. SO that was good. Unfortunately, today, which I had seen as a chance to lay back a bit and even call a friend or two for the first time in a while, is going to be another full day of stuff that simply has to be done today and no later. : (
Today is a cluster-fuck of appointments. This cannot turn out well short of at least a few small miracles.
TOO MUCH. Honestly, people. Let me catch up. Quit adding shit to my plate1
I'm getting weary in body and spirit and I'm only two weeks into the treatments. And it won't get better. Whee e.
The swelling in my right arm from the clot and the Ace bandage are driving me crazy. I apparently have to just live with it, but it's frustrating when you're right-handed and your right hand is so swelled you can't even fully close it.
Instead of sleeping in and resting since I'm feeling weak and tired, instead I'm getting ready in a rush to go to an H&R BLock class across town to make up for the one I missed on Monday while I was in the hospital/emergency room. Hurrah. This constant "here's more shit for you to do" is getting old fast. I'm tired folks. Leave me alone.
I finally have my iMac back, up and running, updated to the new OS and updated on every application, and running smoothly on everything ... except Adobe products. My whole Creative Suite won't run on the iMac and I can't find or correct the problem (at least not yet), and that's frustrating because that means Dreamweaver (which I use to make this website) won't even open, and since Dreamweaver on my MacBook Pro runs but won't let me upload to FTP (a recent but clearly poorly timed problem that I also can't seem to fix) I can't update the website. It's not an earth-shattering problem, but it's annoying. At least the iMac is back and running very well otherwise.
Feeling tired today but I have (as seems to be the case every day lately) a whole list of stuff I simply have to do. I'd really like to be lazy today, but no such luck. : (
Soooooo ... I've been holding off certain information from the site until I told various friends and family first, but I have cancer - colorectal cancer to be more precise. I spent last week in the hospital for my first round of chemotherapy and my first week of radiation therapy, and I survived although I did develop a clot as a complication, so that adds to the things being treated. I have another five weeks of radiation and a second round of chemo to endure (not to mentioned a variety of pills, tests, and doctors' appointments along the way). So far I feel fine and am more frustrated than anything (this wouldn't even be so bad, but a variety of other little problems keep cropping up and driving me nuts in the little time I have available around everything else. So that's it for now. More background and more updates in further Journal entries.
What more can the universe throw at me? (I should be terribly afraid to ask)
LIfe is full of endless complications ... and the past few days are trying to cram in even more than anyone could expect.
Got the computer back and started setting it up all over again since the OS was wiped and reinstalled ... and nothing. Figures.
Yes, I have gas to burn. My heartburn could light up Pittsburgh. My heart is on fire like a hunk-a, hunk-a burning love. Ha-ha-ha-haaaaa, WIpe out!!! So, yeah. Not pleasant.
My good friend Steve comes through again when i need him. Steve is a constant reminder of what a friend truly is and can be. Thanks a million, my friend.
Headache, sweating, and fluttering in my stomach - is this love or something less dangerous?
I should always remember what I've known for a long time: Always expect the unexpected and rarely expect the expected. Posted at 7:35 AM
This week is going to be a complete pain in the ass. Posted at 7:23 AM
I hate it when you ask someone to do something (someone who is expected to do such a thing, like a customer service rep or a bank teller or a teacher) and they tell you they will each time you repeatedly remind them, and then they not only don't do what you asked but just MAKE UP SHIT to tell you so that you inevitably get screwed somehow. WHY EVEN SAY YOU WILL DO SOMETHING IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING IT?!!!!! Posted at 7:28 AM
I took my dead iMac to my appointment at the Apple Store yesterday. The Apple Genius was nice and knowledgeable and found everything to be just as I had explained it to him. He connected to their server to do some more thorough diagnostics and found that the likely problem was a bad/failing video card. They could repair that in the store (although it would take a few days) and they would get back to me once it was ready or if they found any other problems. As it happens they called late last night to say the video card was indeed one of the problems but there was also a cable that needed to be replaced and they wanted my authorization. I was happy to give them my approval, and they ordered the cable (it wasn't in stock). My iMac should be ready (possibly, based upon their estimates) at the end of next week (which actually will work well for me as I wouldn't be able to get it and do the many hours of set up it would need until that time. I was pleased at the cost also. It was only half of what I expected. Hopefully this will play out as well as it so far appears. Posted at 6:49 AM
Ten people dead in a shooting at a university in Oregon and the lead story on Good Morning America is storms on the East Coast. This, President Obama (and everyone else) is why this shit keeps happening - nobody has any respect or sense of priority for stopping this sort of insanity. Posted at 7:11 AM
Busy days ahead. Much to do. And surely once I get on top of these things and can rest, some pain or suffering or some kind of uncomfortable stuff will crop up. That's the pattern of my life. Posted at 7:04 AM
Journal, by Paul Cales, © October 2015
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October 31, 2015
