Love Me Tender
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bullet May 19, 2012

My mom is still here but everyone else packed up and left this morning. My mom will still be here for a couple weeks or more to resolve things, and while we'll have a number of things to do, we'll have a fairly relaxed weekend before we get into any of that.

A less stressful day or two will be welcomed.

Posted at 11:17 AM
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bullet May 18, 2012

My grandmother's funeral was this morning. It was a nice ceremony, and my brother-in-law played two trumpet numbers, my niece read the 23rd Psalm and an old Gaelic poem, and my nephew sang How Great Thou Art. My grandma would have been overjoyed with the service.

I've only just now been ab;le to sit for a moment, the past two days being quite full. I still have more to do today to wind things up, but then my sister and her family will drive home tomorrow, and I'll be able to wind down a bit and relax. Next week will bring new work transitioning my grandma's estate to my mom, but that should move along ion many ways ewasier than all that had to be done this week.

I'm going to miss m y grandma terribly, but she's at peace now, and that makes up for any sadness.

Posted at 3:37 PM
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bullet May 17, 2012

The viewing will be this afternoon. I bought a new all-black outfit last night so that I could look good and proper for my grandma's last hurrahs, and I think everything is now prepared for. My sister should be returning any time now with her husband and my nephew and neice, and we've made contact with what little exten ded family there is on my grandma's side of the family and a few of those people will arrive today as well.

I'm growiong more solemn today as the minutes pass, but we've been telling great stories about my grandma since the moment of her passing, and we've truly been abl;e to celebrate and enjoy the truly wonderful life she lived and shared. Yes, she will be missed, but she left us all with so much that there's really no room for sadness with so many wonderful memories.

Posted at 10:56 AM
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bullet May 16, 2012

It's only just Noon and already we've been busy completing a bunch of tasks to have everything ready for the funeral. There's still more to do yet this afternoon and evening, but then we should be set - which is a good thing since the rest of the family arrifves tomorrow, the viewing is tom orrow, and the funeral is Friday, and then my sistewr's whole family heads back to Maryland Saturday. It won't be chaos, but it will be a busy (and emotional) rest of the week.

Posted at 12:10 PM
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bullet May 15, 2012

My grandma died last night.

My mother and I were visiting with my grandma at Providence Care Center when my sister got into town. She had driven from her hom in Maryland and came straight to the center, and we let her in around a quarter to nine. We spoke briefly and my sister went to stand in front of my grandma, leaned down, and just as she was about to speak my grandma opened her eyes for the first time all day. My sister spoke to her, then my mom moved in front of her and spoke, and then me. After all three of us had spoken her breaths slowed even more than the already very shallow breaths she'd had all day, and within a minute she was gone, just faded away. She was very peaceful, and I'm quite sure she had been holding on until we were all together with her before she let go.

While last night was difficult for all of us, we weathered it well and were already reminiscing - remembering the good life my grandmother had lived. Today, amidst more celebratrory memories of her life, we have been running around like crazy to make arrangements for her funeral, burial, obituary, and more. Much of this was already arranged and paid for years ago, yet there's still heaps to do. It's good to be kept busy in a way, but it's almost too much along with everything else.

The viewing is set for Thursday from 4-7 PM and the funeral will be Friday at 10:30 AM in her church, Trinity United Methodist. There's a lot to do before then, and in some ways even more to do afterward, at least for me. It's going to be an insane month.

Posted at 5:04 PM
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bullet May 14, 2012

My grandma's breathing is quite shallow and moist but she's soldiering on. Still, it's not likely to be much longer before she gives up.

We got called at 5 AM last night with concerns about her breathing and a belief she would fade fast, but she's still going. There's really no predicating things at all, but it seems hard to believe she will last long since she keeps slowing down further and further. Fortunately with care and a couple medications she seems quite comfortable and peaceful and she's slept all day today so far without waking.

I feel more awkward and anxious than ever now, and it's a crazy feeling. I soldier on as well.

Posted at 1:52 PM
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bullet May 13, 2012

I don't like thinking about the past - missing the good moments and being depressed by the bad moments. I don't like looking to te future with it's complete uncertainty and likely great difficulties and struggles. And I don't like having to think about the present which is currently so unpredicatable, so emotionally up and down, and so filled with anxieties. No point in time holds any comfort or hope. How am I supposed to deal with that?

Posted at 8:55 AM
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©2001-2010 by Paul Cales. All Rights Reserved.



theDREAMER
name: paul cales
alias: theDreamer
age: 45
zodiac: pisces (on the cusp of aries)
sexuality: gay
status: single : ( ... but always looking : ) ...
location: sandusky, ohio
occupation: home caregiver / writer
click here for more details

CONTACTS
e.mail: theDreamer@theDreamworld.org
AIM: theDreamworld@mac.com
ICQ: 69299572
guestbook: view and sign
message board: share your thoughts

STORIES
Hope, Need & Fear
Chapter 1: Everything is Wrong

A Few More Keys
Blue & Gold
I Was Blind But Now I See
Last Defense
Living the Dream
Of Dreams and Nightmares
One Evening at the Center of the Universe
On the Riverwalk
Out of the Frying Pan
Paper Heart
Point of Origin
The Damned
Turning Five to Zero
When Does It Start Raining Pickles?

POETRY
6:30 a.m. (Waking to Nothing)
Abnegation
Aftermath
A Larger Game
(A)live
Alone
(A)mused
Ashes
At the End
Auburn
Baa
Bad Impulse
Borderline
Bring Back My Innocence
Bushwacked
Busted
... by any other name
Capital P
Cold
Collected Opposites
Daddy
Dubious Quality
Elysian Fields
Fear
Floating
The Fool of All Eternity
[for autumn spectral]
Frankly
Friendship
Funhouse
The Great Race
Holocaust
I Lie Tranquil in Your Soft Embrace
I'm the One
In a World Filled with Pain
[I think]
It's All the Rage
... It's the Thought That Counts
Ken
Letter Home
Mean Accomodations
Memories
My Pet
Pantoum for the Corruption of Paradise
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
Play Again?
Please
Professor
Ravenous
The Right and Wrongs
Sanctuary
Self-Medicating
Solitary
Something Wicked This Way Comes
"Stop that, you'll go blind!"
Suffering
The Backstroke
The Rain
The Terminal
The Trees
Villain L—
Wet
White Dove
Who Am I Kidding?
(W)hole
Why

Various Short Poems
Finished Couplet
I
'Lone
Mask
My Dove
Paradise
Speaking with the Dead
The Fate of Humanity
Transcendence
White
You Self-Righteous Fuck

The Dragon Series
The Dragon
The Final Betrayal
The Rebirth of a Failure
Et Tu?

LINKS
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lonely ocean
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gay community and support ... (details)
the advocate
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ozzy and millie
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